new outlook...new perspectives...

Decided to give my blog a facelift...
actually didn't do much...just fiddled with the colours...=) nice?

For the very first time
Since i started SAM
I was the one in the know
And, out of all subjects, for Chem!

It felt nice to be asked
For help in a certain matter
Even nicer to be able
To give a correct answer

I guess I knew exactly why
I was able to cope today
Probably for the first time
I listenned to what the lecturers say

It left a subtle happiness
At the pit of my heart
And I'll probably have a long way still
But at least I have a start

I'll see if i can continue
To keep this up and going
And hopefully bring home some As
Or something worth praising

Then maybe I wouldn't be
The one who faltered a little
The one who lacked the discipline
And later lost the battle

Maybe I would now become
The one who gained improvement
The one who succeeded finally
The one with an achievement

I hope today's wake-up alarm triggered my rajin muscles to work. Or like my Bio teacher put it, stimulated the nervous system to send impulses to the brain. Or how my LAN teacher put it, "why are you all aroused?". hahah...that still cracks me up. well, i guess it's all in the basic fundamental and every amount of attention paid in class, unfortunately, is not negligable. ahahha gawd! one day of clicking with chem and suddenly I'm all about my lecturers! ahahahha =)

Satisfaction is....

Satisfaction is...
When you're project is completely done
After 6 grueling months since you begun
Now, you can finally have guiltless fun

Satisfaction is...
Getting something your parents want done
And doing it all on your own
Making decisions without depending on anyone

Satisfaction is...
When you're in charge of something major
And come obstacles, come whatever
Your confidence it won't deter

Satisfaction is...
Carrying on a daily routine
Eventhough energy is drained from your skin
You feel stronger than you've ever been

Satisfaction is...
When things go ultimately well
And no dark cloud seem to dwell
You know you'll be happy, you can tell

Satisfaction is...
When the situation is how u want it to be
Every friendship operates normally
Something you knew would come eventually

I'm done with ESL. I signed up for IELTS, something my parents have been bugging me to do for a long long time. even attended the first class, today!! My Leo Club needs a lot of tending to but I have this sudden shine of confidence that I can pull it through. I went jogging today eventhough i was beat to the bone. And the friends i had, are still the friends i have. The friend, I mean. =)

what a day!!

Rise and shine at 6.30 am
Knew i was gonna enjoy it
Bukit Gasing was the remedy
I never knew i was so unfit!

Was literally an uphill task
As sweat trickled down every second
I was panting after 20 minutes
Looking forward to every descend

I loved every moment of that
Definitely would go again
And I'll drag some of you with me
You'll enjoy it so don't refrain!

Then i drove to Bukit jalil
Which I admit was a thrill
Every new destination i drive to
Is a new experience still

Cheer 2004 was great!
Made me wish that I took part
The spunk, the zest, the undying spirit
The adrenaline rush from the heart!

I loved the active atmosphere
The sound of defeaning hollers
How i dearly missed Sports Days
The spirit that rises with the cheers

Hard to find such a feeling now
The passion ceased to exist
Which was why today's scenario
Was one i could not resist!

Then we adjourned to Pasar Malam
Been ages since i went there
Feels nice when I go with my friends
Feels good that it was a moment to share

Now back here in my own room
With two half glazed eyes
My english resting there, still incomplete
Snapping to wake up, I end up in sighs

Today, I enjoyed myself a lot
With friends that I cared for
I can't help but wish to go back
To the time we were like this before

Today was great! And the irony of it was I had only 3 and a half horus of sleep last night. Yet I was running on a full tank. And it felt great. To be carefree. To enjoy. As friends. Just friends.

Look WhO grew taller! haha

check this out...in ju's pic her bro grew taller...but in this pic...hahah...it speaks for itself. =)



For more pictures...go to my links...click on My Pictures....then "ahyat bao yu". it's some fancy restaurant we were at last night where i drank vodka and red wine! ahaha...okla...i sipped them oni...=)It's in swiss garden hotel btw.

so not me

I've always thought...
That I had it under control
That I could play it cool
Pretend that I was ok
But myself i couldn't fool

I've never been quite like this
Not last time, not ever
I always had a clear state of mind
Of the consquences later

I always knew what I should do
And what i shouldn't try
I always had a way of getting
Away from letting myself cry

I almost never do things
As hastily as i did this time
I never let my guard down
Coz it seemed like a crime

It went against my principles
To show that I was weak
I always put up a tough front
What i showed was never bleak

But this time seemed different
Somehow I lost all that
The ability to stand strong
The ability to confidently react

The ability to analyse
What might come out of it
If i did something rashly
I should be more cautious a bit

I don't know why this time
But now that I've woken up
I'll try not to do anything
Considerably crazy, so abrupt

I'll be more careful with my words
I'll be more cautious of my tone
I'll keep more things to myself
Leaving less of my feelings shown

It was amazing how I literally lost my apetite just now. I had never felt so much regret and guilt before. For real. It was then i decided to stop trying to make ammense. Stop trying to make things seem better when the only way to do so is to let go. I can just imagine how much your impression of me have changed since we met. haha can't blame you...

once again i apologise for what I said. I really overdid it this time around. So not me. Something i just can't explain. Don't think i'll try to anyway. Whatever it is i guess this is it. Won't be wallowing on this topic anymore. =) Seem to do more harm then good anyway. so to redeem myself, i'll drop the topic. Got better work to do. I'm cool. I really am. I promise. =)

can't run away...

Seemed quite dead when we haven't spoken
To each other for quite some time
I guess I was pretty uncertain
If what I did was considered a "crime"

Some might say I'm being paranoid
To jump to such a conclusion
But there's no refilling the void
That grew right after the confession

I think that there's a slight chance
A possibility of you avoiding me
But then what used to make my heart dance
Is now replaced by subtle worry

I actually felt a lot better today
As i swept my thoughts under the carpet
But just as the way people say
That's not gonna get rid of it

I don't know how long it'll take
For us to return to our normal ways
But to put on a smile, I cannot fake
At least for another few more days

I wonder if it would be selfish of me
If I were to make a certain request
And hopefully make ammense eventually
But for now, I just need the rest

Would it be too much if i asked
That for a while, we do not speak
I have no doubt it'll be quite a task
For me to achieve the peace i seek

I've thought of this as an answer
To somehow cast my feelings away
But knowing me I know I can never
At least for now, I cannot run away

erm...one more confession here...I was actually happier today. And i wondered what could be the cause. It could possibly be the choir performance i attended last night. ever heard of Let the Music Heal Your Soul? yea..i think i got healed by it. then today's dance class was pretty fun and i gave it my best. so it kinda took my mind off things a little.
But very very honestly...from the moment i saw your number on my phone just now, it all came rushing back...and now i'm back to square one. so i dunno if the only way i could go back to being just a friend is if i stopped talking to you for a while? But like i said, knowing me, I can't run. I can't shut myself up and pretend i never knew you. It'll probably cause more pain than good.