month 3

It's been 3 months. Time really flies. And I've been a lot better. A lot a lot better. =)

***

I went to the UMSA Deeparaya celebration today. Was a last minute decision, as I've come to realise no bad can actually come out of it. I still get that feeling of wanting to be anti social, wanting to just coop myself up in the apartment and hide away from the world. But so far, every time I force myself to go to a function, I find myself enjoying it and coming home all happy. So from now on, i'm.just.gonna.go. =)

It was pretty enjoyable. I skipped the entire formal program before that (which were mainly speeches), and went just in time for makan time. Food was good. =) The fact that it was free made it heavenly. =)

Anyway, took some pictures, not many. So here goes.

food was pretty good...i ended up tah pau-ing a lot home. haha...
me, abby & alex
shermayne & i
hanzi & i
the team that is gonna conquer the Coromandels!

***Yea...i'm joining a race called the Kauri Run in the Coromandels. Shermayne told me about it and I'm absolutely stoked! Can't wait for it to happen...it's a trail run that goes pretty much uphill all the way up to a peak, and then down.
And it's 32 km. There was a 13 km category, but i figured, might as well do the real thing. No more sub events for me. Ashley Lim told me once that she makes it a point to do the longest distance in every race. I think i shall make that my point too. If i can't handle the longest distance, i'm not running it. Simple as that. haha...that being said, i'm not going anywhere near half ironmans, ironmans or ultra marathons. =)

So that's happening on the 22nd of November. And i really can't be more excited about it. 560 m above sea level. Can i do it?

BRING IT ON.=)

retail therapy

Hey it does work, okay. and i don't even shop that often...so shhhhh. =) I had a 2 hour break in between class. SO i spent the first 45 mins lunching with Abby, who bought me lunch *thanks dearie!*. We had pie. good pie...=) And then she had to go off to class, so i stayed in the city and did some strolling around, with a mind thats quite ready to shop. For some reason. Just because it feel like I've been working and eating in forever and it's about time I spent some materialistic cash on me. =)

tried on these 3 tops which i really love because they just fit me so well. Seriously, clothes here just have better cutting than back home. Or at least than the cheap ones they have back home. Either I have an ang moh built, or the clothes at home just fit the puniest people with the skinniest shoulders. Anyway, these fit me perfectly and i think i should get one of them. But i can't decide!
The first two is a tie behind kinda top while the 3rd one has a gathered up back, which i kinda don't really like. But yea, can't u see how nicely they just sit on my shoulders and how the neckline doesnt exactly look like it's suffocating my chest yet it doesnt look like it's exposing it too much either? haha...coz everytime i try something at home it always seem so...suffocating. =)

And these are what I did buy. =) i am so spoiling myself. but they were on sale. And they're pretty cool=)
Simple long tube top from Glassons for $9.99. Always wanted one. And a new bra from Cotton On Body.
The coolest T-shirt bra for $10. It's got this hook on one of the straps which u can use to hook the other strap to turn it into a x-back! Cool innit? Don't have to unhook bra straps and switch them around. =)
And a new sports bra. which was only $12.50. *heart* Also from Cotton On Body=)

Summer, come quick~!

so so tired

it.s 9.22 pm. i have just finished cleaning up every dish, pan, knife, spoon and even the flat stove. i have finally plomped myself down on the sofa and i could feel myself just melting into it. kinda feels like the end of Mrs Khaw's yoga classes back then, how she used to make us tense every muscle in our body, then just relax and melt into the mat. i am exhausted for some reason. it's silly coz there wasn't a morning class for me today. I woke up at 8.15 am instead of 6.45 am.

when i went to work my colleague asked if i was ok. she said i looked extremely tired. i thought i was just a little flushed because i went for a run before work. but then i took a look at myself in the mirror and i, too, was a little shocked to see my own appearance. dark puffy rings sit below my eyes. my forehead seems creased. and even when i pulled my cheeks up into a smile, and u guys know how high my cheekbones are, they still seemed to droop down, devoid of energy to even form a proper smile.

i don't know what happened. i'm fine, really. no, not feeling that lonely anymore. no, not stressed over medsci (yet). no, not worried about my weight (ok maybe a little but nothing major). really i'm good. But i do yearn very much for a good night's sleep. like a 10 hour uninterrupted sleep or something.

hmm...maybe i haven't been sleeping well. for reasons i haven't a clue...

***

on another note, i have very very bravely been rubbing salt onto my mouth ulcers which really hurts. I wonder if it really works. But yea, rubbing salt onto ulcers, really does hurt. I was just never brave enough to try it. Always applied chinese medicine powder. Now no money buy medicine. Use salt lor...=)

the weekend that i overate

for a change, this weekend was a really good one. despite the fact that i was working both Saturday and Sunday, i had a great time stuffing my face with all sorts of food delicacies.

I was so into it that i had completely forgot to snap photos sadly. but believe me when i say that I stuffed myself so much that I instantly gain over a kilo just over the weekend. haha...but it was good. like lamb rendang, sayur lemak, roast duck, fried chicken, fish soup, hak loh mai, potato salad, baked pasta good.=) plus, did i mention happy juice? mmmmmmm....happy juice, it's been a while. it didnt help that my group didn't do so well in Charades. so we drank. and I drank. and it was sinfully yummy. *smacks lips*

btw, the hak loh mai? i made that. and i'm pretty damn proud of it, eventhough it's the simplest dessert to make. why didn't anyone tell me!? haha...i am so making it for everyone back at home. Ok ok?? December. My house. Dessert night! settle la...we shall have dessert for mains! =)

and that was my Saturday. 6 hours of work. two open houses. Lots of food. Lots of happy juice. Lots of laughter. One happy Karen.

but it didn't end there. Today i rose with a subtle hangover at 7 am and worked from 8 am - 4 pm. It was...long, boring, mundane until...*handphone beeps*...Message from Wye Yin! She's in town and I'm gonna meet her! This girl I have not met for possibly 10 years! i was pretty excited!

and when i saw her...well...i think neither of us changed much since 1998. and it was great to catch up. Plus she brought a friend who was also from Sri Subang Jaya, though i honestly have never seen him in my life. From the PTS class. hahah...sorry, we just used to make fun of that class a lot back in those days. =) but yea, it was cool. Then Abby and Josh joined us and we found that EVERYONE was from Sri Subang Jaya. Imagine that?

Who would've thought at that time when we were tiny little brats running around the school compoung, having to being yelled at by prefects to angkat-turun and feeding things into that huge Bird Cage (ok maybe that's just me) and learning the rules of a crush and the detrimental effects of it if ever news of it fell into the wrong hands, that some 10 years down the road we would be meeting in a little chocolate cafe all the way in Auckland, New Zealand?

me, sugie??, wye yin, abby
i forgot to take one with Josh

funny how life works out eh? =)

stolen limelight

ever met someone who is so much like you? that everything he/she does is everything you do as well. and guess what? he/she does it better. each and every single thing. and when people who know you meets this "other you", they say the resemblance is uncanny. and that sends daggers through your ego.

no? well perhaps i'm being sensitive here. but i happen to be caught in such a situation and i can't, for the life of me, understand why it's affecting me this much. i just feel like i'm being replaced in this world. i know that sounds impossible. but yea...unexplainable. don't know. don't ask. don't try to explain. just...nod your head and go "there there". it will be duly appreciated.

***

another week has come and gone. the shadow of the MedSci examination lurks around the corner. lectures have yet to finish. i'm drained just sitting there listening to it. and knowing that there's still a couple of weeks worth of syllabus to cover, it's crazy. they pack the syllabus all the way to the very last week. and we don't even get 1 week study leave before the exams. i know i asked to come here. i know i wanted this so badly. i know that i knew it was going to be hard. but boy am i feeling it. it is just sooo different from a business degree done locally in your own home. i wish i did this before doing business. i wish i never took that 6 month break. i wish there was a twinning course that allowed me to do a year back home and the remaining 2 here. just so i have a bunch of people to come here with. just so i'd have more friends in the same boat. i know i said i wanted to go to a place with less Malaysians, less friends, so i can stand up and face the world. learn new things. meet new people. make new friends.

but doing ALL that by itself is hard enough without having to deal with exams and the possibility of failing. and being hungry all the time because food is so expensive and i just want to get back to the apartment to make my own food, but by the time i do i just lose the mood altogether because i'm tired, and it's late, and i've gone hungry for way too long to feel any hunger left. and plus, by that time i value sleep more than anything because in a couple of hours time, i'd have to work. and so i choose to pop a cookie into my mouth and decide whether to sleep or to run. and when im done with either one, it's time to work. and when work's done i sit down once again in the emptiness counting down the days to home.

i feel miserable tonight. and i feel guilty for feeling miserable because i shouldn't be. i should be enjoying every moment of this dream come true for me. i should still be ecstatic about my being here at all, something i could only dream about not too long ago. why am i not feeling it? i dont understand.

if so many others have gone abroad and ended up not wanting to leave that place...how is it that I have developed a love and need for my home back in Malaysia now more than ever as i stay here longer?

just this morning i was happy that it was friday. happy that ive only 60 days till the day i fly home. happy to be having dinner with ben tonight. and happy that i can stay up later to talk to some people from home. where did my happiness go?

October

It's October! Which means i'm exactly 2 months away from boarding a jetplane to Bangkok, and then to home! =)

45 days to the end of my exams...61 days to flying off....64 days to home.

My family has gone for a Hari Raya vacation at Endau Rompin. This would be the first time I'm sitting out on a family vacation and i do feel it. Family vacations are always really fun, and my mum plans the bestest holidays from the place to the activities and even the food. Knowing that they were packing their bags and setting off in probably 3 or more cars like they usually do makes me feel more lonely than ever. I wish i could go. :(

Looking back on the almost 3 months that I have been here, I haven't done much quite honestly. I have read blogs of friends and peers who leave home to study abroad and they all seem to experience so much that I can't help but wonder where I went wrong. I haven't been all that sociable in the sense that I don't go looking for people to hang out with all the time. And I havent felt much like joining activities. But I haven't been that much of a loner either. I have weekly lunch get togethers with Ben and Abby. And I have work. And I have been to some of the touristy areas within the city. I guess because the nightlife here is mainly boozing and clubbing, nightlife doesn't really appeal to me. And because work happens after class, I can't exactly hang around after class. But then again, so doesn't anyone I realise. At least not those that I know.

Having a main group of friends helps i suppose. Right now I have friends from various groups. And I get invited by them here and there and though I oblige to most of the invites, on some days I admit I just felt like staying in, in front of my laptop and just talk to people from home.

On mistakes, I've made two. 1 is by not coming here in the first semester. That would've made it easier to have friends who were all new to uni as well. Being in second semester I'm thrown into a batch of students who have had half a year in advance to mingle around. Social groups have already been set. I know, doesn't mean I can't join in right? It's just a little harder, but I am progressing. 2 is not attending orientation. Like my brother said that would've led me to other newbies as well. And would've at least helped a bit with regards to mistake number 1.

I hear some of you going "Excuses, excuses". True. But I am not one who goes and chases friends out of desperation. Anyway, next semester I will be in year 1 semester 1. So things would probably look up then, i guess, if my theories were right.

Anyway, i'm coming home in 2 months! =)