hurt.

Every day has been a battle

To smile, to laugh, to sing a song

Every day, I lift my chin up

Yet every day never before felt so long

I try to think of things to do

Just to stick it in and pummel through

Somehow in silence my thoughts get clouded

Clouded by memories of you

It hurts just a little

Just a little too much some nights

It hurts just wondering what went wrong

How we started up these fights

I cannot let go, for no good reason

The memories buried within the heart

Where we laughed more than I cried

And we hugged more than we were apart

My thoughts are cruel to not let me forget

Words you have said to me

Songs you have sung to me

Places you have been with me

To sit in silence as I watch you

Appear online, and not say a thing

Makes my heart heavy with sadness

My eyes water, as the tears sting

It hurts to be ignored

It hurts that we've become such strangers to one another

It kills me every day, not knowing what to say

Not knowing whether or not things will ever get better

It hurts.

Friendly much?

With Kiwis...or ang mohs in general, I can never quite draw the line between friendly and creep. I don't think I'm an overly sensitive girl, or perasan as they say it back home. I generally assume people have the best of interest, usually, and would only pick up if someone has ulterior motives only much later.

Which I suppose can be either good or bad, depending on the situation.

I was running along the waterfront this afternoon, and was just starting to climb up the hill, when I slowed to a walk. My left heel had been playing up, and I'm starting to get a little annoyed, seeing as the marathon is in 8 days. I had sincerely wanted to do 11.8ks today - something I have never done before during training. heh. But i ran probably about 5ks before I couldn't bear the nagging pain at my heel anymore. boo! =(

Anyway, I digress. I was walking up the hill when a stranger said "Sorry, excuse me. Hi. I noticed you running along the waterfront. What sort of distance are you doing?" And so we went on to chat about running, and the marathon, and training. He said he's only done 8ks but he wanted to get into it, and hopefully take part in a race some day. The conversation was light, and friendly until he said "Would you like to go for a run sometime? Can I take your number down? Maybe we can go for coffee?"

I flinched. Coffee, and going for a run, is pretty much among the most casual things Kiwis say to each other on a daily basis. Sure, he stopped me midway through my run/walk. And he saw me running along the waterfront, which meant he actually drove up to catch up with me from wherever he was before. And just went straight into conversation, just like that. Extremely random, but extremely casual. But the Malaysian in my head went, hang on...is this dude for real? Was he asking me out, or was he just being friendly? Is it just me, or was the setting a wee bit too random for someone to be asking another person out for coffee?

I said nah by the way. I told him he'll see me around the waterfront at some point. But I just found it so strange. Oh, I should probably add the fact that he was in his 40s or 50s. That could either draw it closer to "Friendly" or draw it closer to "Creep" huh? Hmm...I don't know.

***

On a different note, this is Nicky. I met her last year, when she joined Configure Express. She's a sweet girl from Germany, and she loves New Zealand. But she's been here for about 15 months now and is ready to go back to Munich. I'll miss her. I can't believe it's been 15 months since I met her. That bit of time seems to have flown by me. But it never flies fast enough to finish uni without me realising it.

Paulo Coelho says...

Love is joy. Don't convince yourself that suffering is part of it.

Why I love working in a women's gym

I came in to work today, and when I opened the office door, a familiar waft of bittersweet sin made me smile.

I saw this.

Why do I love working in a women's gym? Because they understand. =)

Whoa...wait, it's Monday again? Damn.

My weekend FLEW by, thanks to my double shift full day work on Saturday and Sunday. I've been covering many shifts lately. Don't know why I keep getting called. Perhaps Kat was right, because we Asians don't say "No".This week alone I've done 27 hours. I'm technically only allowed to do 20. No wonder I feel so exhausted. Because it's still full time study on top of that, AND trying very very hard to fit in 3 running days, 1 swim, and 1 strength work out. If I had never admitted to being stressed out, I'm admitting it now.

I don't mind the work, though. It's coming back to incomplete assignments, and exams to study for that I find a drag.

Student life is stressful. If I ever had complaints back when I was in Metropolitan, I had NO IDEA what I was in for over here. Full time study + having to pay rent + having to cook + keeping my fitness up + working part time + squeezing in any chance of having a life + assignments + exams + family obligations to do well and not waste the money invested in student = SUPER STRESS. I am a lucky girl because my family supports and encourages me to the very end in everything I plan to do. And because of that I sometimes feel like I mustn't let them down!

*is it musn't or mustn't? because there's a red squiggly line under musn't but none under mustn't.

Photoshoot with Zhi and friends. 1 Up!

But I'm not complaining too much. My weeks are almost disappearing before my very eyes and eventhough I know that that should sound a little scary because my exams are so near, I can't help but feel slightly elated because the end is near! I'm going to have a ball this summer with Mum, Dad and Keith coming over! It's gonna be epic!

i am so mentally exhausted.

like seriously. i just want to run away.