Happiness Part II

What I had intended to write about last night (till I got sidetracked) was about our own perceptions of happiness. I think know that everyone has different wants and needs and various quantities of those wants and needs to make them happy. But in essence, I think it's only human nature for someone to just want love, acceptance, appreciation.

A few days ago I received some horrible news about a former colleague of mine back in NZ who had died. He was only a bit older than I am, and he was said to have committed suicide. This came to me as shocking as I had worked with him before on many occasions and to me he was outgoing, sociable, very talkative, and very nice to hang out with. He was always good company during those long, boring hours at the uni gym I was working at, for which I was grateful because time could past really slowly in that country. Anyway, I cannot understand why he would choose to take his own life, but I guess still water really does run deep. Word on the street was he had gone through some personal issues with his family and his girlfriend, and he wasn't taking it too well. But even then, could a divorce and a break up really have that huge an impact on a 28 year old man who was fit and strong minded?

Maybe there was a lot more to the story than I know. Whatever the cause of his actions, I felt a huge sympathy for his family and friends. Whatever happened to him obviously robbed away his happiness in his life to the extent that he didn't want to live any more.

Which makes me ponder upon the lives of people I have crossed path with in my life who I know are not quite where they want to be. I have met people who felt like they were at their lowest point in life and were just pushing themselves along day after day for nothing in particular. To be honest, I cannot understand that. Why isn't LIFE itself not enough for them? There is so much for everyone to live for out there, so much to see, so much to do, life is like a giant theme park, where we wake up every day deciding for ourselves what we want to do with it. Time is our currency, more than the notes in our wallet, I think. I cannot comprehend why anyone would think why there isn't anything left to live for? There is ALWAYS something!

Perhaps I have been blessed with a good life so far, thus I see things the way I do. Now, more than ever, I hope that I can help change the lives of others. I don't know how, I just know I want to.

Happiness

Hello! Really haven't been good with this whole blogging thing seeing that my last post was about 3 weeks ago. Gosh, Karen, what have u been so damned busy with?

Ok. Ohp-daytes!

So I've been making a conscious effort to train more. When I say train more, I actually mean actually train, literally. Because I used to not train, ever. Well...in Auckland, I trained quite a bit, but that was Auckland, what else was I gonna do there? But yeah, I've been doing well with logging in about 3 runs per week, and seeing a steady progress in my running pace. I've also carried on with strength training just to *ahem* keep in shape and actually look like a Personal Trainer. This I manage to do about 2 sessions per week. So yeah, pretty good stuff, looking forward to keeping this up for another 3 more weeks which is when Brooks Half Marathon is. Fingers crossed, I maintain my upward trend in my running pace and hopefully meet a sub 1:50 half marathon. :D

Work has been exciting and invigorating! Starting to get into the groove of my hectic schedule and I think teaching is a lot more enjoyable now that I no longer feel so lost in the school activity hall. The higher income helps, too. And more PT clients make me feel more established as a Personal Trainer (or, at the very least, on the way to getting established). So things are just sweeellll!! :D

Boyfriend is amazing. Valentine's Day was special because he cooked me dinner, and got me a gift which I feel really really grateful for! <3 I probably didn't do so well on the gift front, but I'll get better!

Now I was gonna write about something quite tragic, hence the title "Happiness". It was supposed to be an irony, but I'm a little too tired to carry on writing now and it is waaaaay past my bedtime, so hopefully I'll get to do so tomorrow. Otherwise it might actually be a good 3 weeks before I pen those thoughts down *eek!*.

Till then, goodnight world!

It's not a resolution per se...

I want to do this right this time. My brother is always saying I should just try it once, train really hard and properly for one race and see how the outcome is. I'm thinking maybe it's time I test this theory.

I never know what I am truly capable of because I'm never serious enough to put in the dedicated hours of training for a specific race. I write programs for people every day. I spell out instructions and goals for people to achieve. I tell them if they want it bad enough they'll get there. Oh don't I know it. But I am utterly bad at keeping my own discipline. I just let too many things get in the way. haha...

So I'm gonna try upping my training this time. I'm not gonna fix a set schedule, because, well who am I kidding, I'll never follow it once I know it's a "regime". But I'm going to make a conscious effort to sleep earlier, eat better, put in more hours of training, and stay focused until race day i.e. March 11th - Brooks Half Marathon. And if that goes well, I'm gonna stay focused and carry on for PJ Dawn in May. And hopefully by then I've gotten myself into the rhythm of things, that I can carry on and improve all my personal bests for the rest of the year! :D

So yeah.

But work is going to almost double up on me in the weeks to come. I cringe when I think of the sort of hours I'm going to be clocking in next time. But it has to be done. If there should be a resolution for this year at all, it would be to get rich. Rich in knowledge, rich in experience, and rich in the pocket too. =) Come on, Karen, ga yau!!!

About a boy.

This is a post about a boy. He is someone whom I met a while ago, never really kept in touch with, but has recently reentered my life. He is really great.

This is how I describe him to my friends. On my first casual date with him, we hung out for about 5 hours, just talking to each other, with only 1 pint of beer. To be able to talk to someone for that long, without the influence of alcohol, and to go home feeling like I wanted to see this guy again, SOON, I thought that should count for something :)

He has this ability to put me in this happy, silly, daze no matter how tired I was after a long day's work. Spending time with him always feels too short-lived. I guess these are things you usually say about someone you just got together with, but I am saying these in all honesty and sincerity.

I just sent him off at the airport just now, coz he has gone home to visit his family for Chinese New Year. He'll be away for only 6 days, but already I'm starting to miss him. Gosh, I've got it bad, don't I? haha...

Happy new year, guys. :)

2011

A bit late I know but owell.

I cannot believe it's already 2012. Because a year ago I thought I'd never see the end of my degree, I'd never get out of New Zealand alive, I'd never gonna start work and get paid, and I'd never cease to tell relatives at Chinese New Year that I'm still studying. =\ Well, it wasn't that I thought I'd never see the end of all of that, but it just felt like such a looooooooongggg wiinnnndddingggg road that the end was very vaguely in sight.

But well, look where we are. =) SO! Things I did in 2011:


I learned to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.
I did a flash mob! *woot!*
I met Patrick Teoh and recorded my voice in a recording studio.
I flew back to Auckland with a changed mind set.
I met some interesting people around the world through Couch Surfing.
I rode with one of them on one of those big sporty motorbikes and went up to 200kmh on the highway!
I did Tongariro Crossing for the second time. ♥
I went clubbing in New Zealand for the first time and loved it.
I went clubbing for the second time there and decided I still hate it.
I went out with a soldier boy for a little while.
I went to Fiji! *yeah babyyy!*
I got my girls Lyn and Rosie to travel around NZ with me and laughed our heads off everywhere we went!
I skydived from 12,000 feet!
I graduated and got my second degree. *woot!*
I came back home and started work, for real this time.
I became Teacher Karen.
I earned my first big paycheck!
I had the most number of foreign friend visitors in my life.
I ran free workout sessions for a bunch of friends and (think) I managed to convert some of them into exercisers now!
I did The Legend marathon in Auckland.
I did Cycle Malaysia.
I did Powerman again!
I finally did Penang Bridge marathon and it was horrid.
I got hyperthyroidism again. *boo*
I attended a whole bunch of weddings.
I got myself a new sister-in-law.
I met someone else who makes me laugh. =)

2011 was a pretty good year, looking back at it. I think I achieved a lot, explored a lot, and learned a lot.

Well, here's to an even more awesome 2012!

On love

In 2009 I created a post with the exact same title, "On Love". It was a birthday dedication to a boy I loved very much at that point in time, and it captured the very essence of my heart. I think that Love which you grow in time as you get to know a person, get to recognize the things which makes you smile, and those which make you hold your breath, as you learn their flaws and turn them into affection, and as you feel the need to be the reason that person is happy, is a truly amazing thing. That, to me, is Love in its purest form, and the kind which takes forever to shut down because you so carefully nurtured it through time.

Marriage, through my simple eyes, is a public announcement of that love. It is like that Facebook update that you were so happy about, you wanted your 1000 plus subscribers to know about it. It is the promise that I have fallen in love with you, and I do not intend to climb back out. To be so sure that nobody else in the world would make you happier than the person next to you, is a big call - and a brave one at that.

Not many people have the opportunity to meet Love this way. And among those who do, not all of them are lucky enough to have their feelings requited. And so I think that those who make it all the way to marriage, and all the way past years and years of marriage to their deathbed, I think they're heroes.

Congrats Kor and Ah Soh! :D

Today my brother married the love of his life. It was something about his smile, the radiance in his face, the spring in his step, and the song in the way he talked, (and this is the big brother who could make me cry by scolding me via online chat), I could tell he was very happy. :)

I want that for myself. (And I've said that to practically everyone). One day. =)