Fear.

We all have fears. Big stuff, small stuff, critical phobias and not so critical phobias. It is what makes us human, the whole not being perfect thing.

I fear lizards. Yes, the common house lizard which roams around my house in the dark and scurries away when I tun the lights on. *urgh*. Scares the living daylight out of me.

I also fear fish. HA! Betcha didn't see that one coming, huh? Yes. If I can scale rock faces, bungy jump, sky dive, run marathons, but ever wondered why I have not taken a diving certificate? I can't stand being in the water with fish surrounding me. That whole fish spa thing that's good for hard skin on your feet? Hate it. Couldn't last 10 seconds in it. I think it stems from my very amateur swimming ability. Because if something horribly wrong were to happen, I am not a strong enough swimmer to swim away from it - yes even little anchovies might turn out to be carnivorous creatures ok? In fact, they probably are.

Apart from that, I also fear not being good enough. I know I take on a chillax attitude most of the time, but when it comes to being judged by somebody very important to me, I almost always fear that I am not good enough for him. I think it's a rather crippling bad point of me which I have come to discover of myself in my previous relationships. Be with someone long enough, and I start to change to suit his wants, his preference, his idea of a cool, amazing person. It's not very healthy, I know. And I'm hoping to attribute some of it to the fact that my past relationships were kinda dysfunctional anyway. But yeah. I KNOW that this is a big flaw in me and I am going to try to prevent this from happening in my future relationship.

On a different note. Don't you just hate ex girlfriends/boyfriends? As in, not yours, but, well, the ex of your current partner/interest. I think no mater how grown up you are, all's fair in love and war. Only in extremely rare (and weird) situations would you end up being buddies with their ex. Most of the time, the sight of their name just kinda makes your skin crawl doesn't it? And everything they say or do just seems like they're out to get to you. *GROWL*.

To one such person in my life right now, I'd just like to say, even though you probably will never read this, (Actually then again, it wouldn't be completely impossible if you did), it's not a competition. I am no longer in the game. So you can drop the whole outsmarting me act and go get him if you want. Just on geographical proximity alone, you win. You probably already won all along.