For I am capable afterall...:)

and so to the resounding "I TOLD YOU SO!" from Dektos, Shakti and Tisha (and probably from the minds of a lot of others), I throw my hands up in surrender. I have nothing left to say but a huge THANKS to all who believed in me, who encouraged me to be the best that i could, to the people who join me in my pursuit of beauty, poise and grace, to those who yelled "Don't be so mengada please!" whenever i lose hope and start talking like a depressed beauty school drop out, and to those who churn out ideas and posters and fliers and body tattoos and accessories and all forms of help.

To Sean, whose sobriety as of now i question, a big congrats to you for winning the Mr Metropolitan title! To the Greasers, it has been a BLAST working with all of you alongside Anita, Shah and Eddy. I've already begun to miss practise. haha...we did good didn't we? =)

ms juliana, the coolest lecturer in town

joey my gurl...

jasmine and my dear campaign manager, dektos

shakti my babe

more pics

aussie aussie aussie! oi oi oi!

*edit* photos added courtesy of Roshida

Aussie Day started off with bleary and bleak. A little after 8 am and along the corridors of college were a display of pissed off faces. it was as if everyone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. People were being late, things were missing, everything was topsy turvy. Most of us were touchy and the slightest irritance would send anyone raging. it was that intense. and i was no exception. i guess at times like this you really find out who commits and who doesn't.

Anywhos, the moment the sunshine came, and the high school students poured in, the mood was lifted. There were smiles in place of the frowns and everything turned out alright in the end. I was cheering for SMKSJ all the way as if i were apart of them. haha...unfortunately, they lost. sigh, if only i was still in school. (haha...yes self praise is disgrace).

At about 11 am i got ready for the talent showcase. I changed into the skankiest outfit i've ever worn. i was very conscious that i might come off skanky but i guess when you're performing, you could wear anything and get away with it as long as it suits the act. As always, Tisha and Shakti were there to help me. I had bindis stuck onto my forehead and everywhere else. I had tattoo art drawn. I swear, what am i to do without these girls. :)

Shakti's performance was marred by the bad mic. But i think Marco was quite a charmer. :) The talent showcase started too soon. Rosie and Lyn was there before 12. Which was great! Coz i managed to get Rosie to crack my back! and it felt so much better after she did! like all the stiffness just went away! ahahah...

When the MCs announced my name, my heartbeat seemed to have upped a notch. i had no idea why i was so nervous. Performing should be second nature to me by now. Anyway, i started off pretty smoothly. i heard applause and cheer from everywhere. Yes, i've trained my koncos well! haha...then suddenly the button from my top popped! and this button was holding on to...shall i say...my dignity! at that point, it was do or die. i used every ounce of will power in me to not run away and cry. I piroutte around for a bit, and ended with as much grace as i could muster. Lucky for me it was towards the end already la.

So, nope, i did not do a Janet Jackson. that scarf surprisingly held on. When i get the pics i'll show you what i mean by skanky. haha...

rosie & lyn

The rest of the day was alright. I took part in the college challenge with Ms Juliana and friends. Curtin vs RMIT vs UFP. We, unfortunately lost. But the other Team Curtin won! so yay Curtin anyway! Ms Juliana, is super duper fun by the way.

Fellow Nominee Ms Emily Lim

Yup, i'll try to get my hand on the pics soon. Tomorrow's the big night! Wish me luck!

it's been more than a month...

since i was last nominated as Ms Metropolitan. I still laugh to myself when i say it out loud. I can't believe how fast time have flown. Really seemed like just days ago that I was cursing (silently, of course) in a fitting room in Jusco Mid Valley because Joyce called me at that precarious moment to let me know I was among the top nominees for Ms Metropolitan. And i can still picture the eager and crazily enthusiastic faces of Tisha and Shakti when i broke the news to them. Then, Aussie day seemed so far away.

But over the past 5 weeks I have diligently trained myself to regain whatever poise and grace i can salvage from my younger years. And I've been told I've somewhat "changed" in my appearance over the semester to a slightly more refined outlook. Not that I've tried, but yea apparently I did.

Well, Aussie day is here. in exactly10 hours time I'd be performing a little something that would either make or break my one and only chance of being crowned Ms Metropolitan. actually, to heck with the title. This performance would either make or break by social life in college! In fact, the more i think of it the more i think that a simple flop would be breaking more than just superficial friendships!

haha...yes yes...so not the drama (kim possible-esque). In short, i'm nervous. as hell. which explains the late hour.

someone please tell me to get a hold of myself!

staring into space

There are times in life when a person can feel so nonchalantly...stoned. This is one of those times.

Between thinking of the hideous amount of work i'd have to do for my assignments, and juggling with my newly restored gymnastic endeavours. Between coaching my overly hyped up girls and taking time to hang out with my friends. Between keeping up with the whole swimbikerun scenario and making it for all the Grease practices in college after classes. Between staying completely satisfied as a single and desperately pushing certain news about a certain someone who have found another certain someone out of my mind. Between all that mumbo jumbo, I am somehow miraculous (and worryingly, for that matter) at peace.

There's a voice at the back of my head, like always, taunting me to start on my assignments or go for a swim or choreograph some routine. But it is either i am amazingly confident or mind blowingly complacent.

"I've managed it before, haven't I?"

well, have i? i'm not sure. then again, any imbecile can see that the basis of this entire post is not about shirking the procrastinator in me. it isn't about how i struggle with my stiff splits and wobbly pivots. it isn't about how many times i've wanted to be absent at practise, but chose to make it anyhow. it isn't about how far ive run today or when i should seriously start jumping into a pool soon. and it is most definitely not about the frightening workload i'd be facing soon enough. (though I agree it really should).

yea...that little bit of information...that seems to have found a place in the depths of my mind, mocking me.

***

on a less depression-inducing note, Rosie, Lyn and I went to Ice Bar at Sanctuary last night! The little room wasn't what i had imagined, but the literal bone-chilling experience was fun! :)

click for photos

they still hurt anyway

just like your favourite ice cream flavour
that ran out that very day
just like the movie you've been waiting for
and the tickets are all sold away

just like missing the last bus home
when your legs are already sore
just like a tiring day at work
only to come home to all the chores

just like spotting the perfect dress
only to find they're out of your size
just like having a stain on your face
all day, and you never realized

just like minor disappointments
that are beyond what we do or say
but as minor and trivial as they are
they still hurt anyway...

Alone

i want to be by myself, sometimes i do.
i don't want to be left behind, but sometimes i'm left by you.

i press my tongue to the top of my mouth,
'cause my jaw, it was tired with the thinking.
i stretched my toes to the end of the couch,
'cause my back, it was aching from sleeping.

so what is this weather, and what is this darkness,
and why do i feel so alone?
when will it snow, it's been raining for hours,
and why do i feel so alone?

and when i'm left at home, when you're with someone else i'm all alone.

you do not cheat me of my childhood.
you bring me blankets for the walls of my forts.
there is no anger with the eyebrow raised.
when you do the fantastic i am amazed.

so what is this weather, and what is this darkness,
and why do i feel so alone?
when will it snow, it's been raining for hours,
and why do i feel so alone?

you were leaving some bar, and you're coming downtown,
you're not ripping out stitches, but you want me around.
just to call you my love, just to call you my love.

you are the treasure custodian cleaning the moon for me.
scouring the sky so the stars would shine bright.
you stand straight-faced, and tip-toed on top of a ladder,
and wait.

and when i'm left at home, i'm all alone.
but i'd rather be alone with you.

so what is this weather, and what is this darkness,
and why do i feel so alone?
when will it snow, it's been raining for hours,
why do i feel so alone?

Lisa Loeb - "Alone"

Happiness is...

...having my desktop pc back complete with all my pictures and one tree hill and prison break and heroes! I owe Mr Loh (both uncle and nephew) my utmost sincerest gratitude! :) i had wanted to do so many things with my pc that i've forgotten what to do now that its back in my arms. there were songs to download, documents to open and pictures to back up. but i am just overwhelmed b the fact that they're all here, on my harddisk, for my accessibility! :)

***

The personal campaign for the Mr & Ms Metropolitan, as it turned out, wasn't as showy as i had hoped it to be. The only people that campaigned were Matt and Su Anne (who campaigned as a couple) and myself. Which is pretty sad. But i guess its just not in their culture to be overly extravagant. or to be extravagant at all. 'Their' referring to Metro students.

Anyway, just a bit of self indulgence, i managed to crawl my way up as leading nominee for this week. :)

***

food for thought.
do i lack self esteem?

the happy poem

of walking down the street lit by the falling sun
of sharing laughter side by side indulging in the fun
of talking up gibberish that we know do not exist
of playful arguments on those on the used-to list
of moments we shared just between you and me
of special times only we were there to see

there are some things i long to do
some things i've waited too long to come true
and though time may help to ease the pain
there are some things i wish not to feign

to sing a song that has no teardrops in it
to share a conversation that doesnt strain a bit
to watch a movie where the lovers do not part
to write a happy poem that does not break my heart

so much for writing a happy poem...ahah...i think i am totally incapable of writing a happy poem. isn't it sad that inspiration comes only when i am in such an emo-stricken state? tsktsk....

The Zahir, the Orange Run and the prom queen campaign...

I'm finally done with The Zahir. must admit i am quite relieved. because Coelho was going on n on n on i was afraid i might fall into a trance from reading the book. it was all very cult-like in a way....found it a bit out of this world. literally. anyway, every book has its good pages. and i'd say the love-themed story which ended in happiness still touched me in one way or another. :)

***

the Orange Run took place last Sunday at the Curve. I was looking forward to a relaxing run, seeing it was less than 10 kms. i had not known that there was in fact a bit of a hilly terrain and that the 9 km stated on the entrance form was actually 9.8 km in reality. When i reached there, i spotted the familiar baby blue running vest of Kit Mun and was pleased because she made me achieve a pretty fast pace during the Smart Tunnel run. but alas, she left me sometime after 6 km or so, despite the fact she said she was sick and had not been training. *grumbles

nonetheless, i had a good time. got 13th place in my category. I got RM60 worth of BHPetrol vouchers. and 4L of fuly synthetic engine lubricant. :)

***

the personal campaigns for the Mr & Ms Metropolitan nominees start this week. However, as of today i have seen not so much as a flyer being thrown around in college. are everyone really doing nothing? and there i was getting all competitive. i had imagined aggressive narcissm going on in the corridors of college, but the coast seem to be crystal clear

which makes me a little shy to campaign. Dektos, my campaign manager, has been spending hours on end designing posters n flyers for me, and i couldnt be more grateful. But how to fight if there's no fight?!?!?

i'm hoping that when i start campaigning tomorrow, ppl will start too. that way i dont come off as an attention seeking, fan-base generating stereotypical prom queen wannabe..

poster courtesy of Dektos

"eh let's go waterfall la!"

because someone practically screamed bloody murder to go to a waterfall, our water slides and wave pool dreams were converted into al naturale cascading falls in Templer's Park. Guess i couldn't complain also la, id choose nature over Sunway Lagoon anytime.

Our group consisted of a much bigger number this time. 9 of us squeezed ourselves into my old faithful Unser to get the feel of a typical rombongan sambil belajar escapade like those we went for in primary school. :)

the trip was good. i think everyone enjoyed themselves. we barbecued sausages, ate my homemade ham sandwiches, scarfed down loads of artificially coloured junk food and washed all of those down with naturally chilled (we placed it in the cold water) 100 Plus. sounds like fun, no?

more photos

r.e.b.o.o.t.

now, every time i switch my desktop on, that very word glares at me, grinning from ear to ear, mocking me with its every white roman letter against the dark black background of the system's interface. reboot. it's cynical laugh drives me insane at that thought of my entire memory, my entire life depicted in the forms of images, word documents, files, videos, song...everything i had gathered and accumulated in the past years wiped out before my very eyes!

yes, the bad news have been broken to me by Dektos. There is a possibility that my harddisk has...crashed! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

*cue* compassionate words. thank you.

Ok drama aside, i hope that explains my lack of blogging. :) i have been dedicating my past few days to the world of Rhythmic Sportive Gymnastics. For starters, i have taken up a new coaching job with former Commonwealth Games gymnast and close friend of Regina my current boss, Carolyn Au-Yong. She was kind enough to invite me to coach with her at Sri Kdu school in the depths of Kota Damansara. And when i say depths, i mean more than an hour's drive in the mad morning rush through the jammed up LDP. Yup, so from now on, i'd be waking up at 6.30 am every Thursday morning, to go to Sri KDU. (which btw, is a beautiful school with gorgeous compounds and nice carpeted air conditioned rooms with mirrors n bars attached!) I sincerely enjoyed my first day there with the girls. They were polite and well behaved, and quite honestly, i am just in love with the mirrors. hahaha...

On the other hand, i have had my hands full with my current gymnasts of Sri Petaling school. They were practising very very hard for their Sports Day performance. Their teacher advisor was going nuts with each passing day so since i was he non-working coach, i had to make my way there a few times to watch them and discipline them and drill them over n over. i kinda pitied the girls as i could see the tiredness etched on their weary faces but the teacher advisor wasn't cutting them (and me) any slack. they were yelled at again and again by her and i couldnt feel any sorrier. anyway, the good thing is it ended this morning. Today was their Sports Day and Regina and I were pretty darn proud of them. They've picked up their sloppiness and showed their parents a good time. 3 cheers to them!

Last but not least, i have my own gymnastic endeavor. I went for my 5th class last night and it was looking all good and dandy...until i lept, landed and did a flexion. and something in my left thigh snapped. yes, the pain was very much felt. but thank God it was nothing major. I'm feeling alright now. No worries. But i think i may have just gotten myself a phobia of flexions.

pity...that was one of the few moves i could still manage which looked somewhat whoa worthy. *shrug*.

A Famosa International Tritahlon 2007

note to self: gymrama class on the night before a race is a bad bad idea. never EVER do that again.

my Friday night gim class left me with aching arms and legs, a strained back and a very very bruised knee. my body ached at parts which i never even knew had muscles. i think gimrama is a sport that requires far more strength than any other sport, triathlons included. =)

but i digress...

So on saturday morning, with my aching body, i dragged myself to Sri Petaling school at 8 am to coach my girls, like every other saturday. I came home at 10.30 am, was looking forward to get 40 winks, but for some reason i didnt. Cant remember why. packing stuff i think. At 12.45 pm we left for A famosa.

Got myself registered, checked out some tri suits on sale, caught up with some people. My brother thinks i'm crazy coz i speak to people i dont know. To some of you who said hi to me, and i failed to remember your name, your face or you yourself, my deepest and sincerest apologies! i'll remember now i promise! I was just about to go back to the room to get ready for the sprint when Rahimi comes and tells me the new Powerbar tri suit is ready! woohooo~!!!

new suit! new suit! thanks Powerbar!

Sprint Triathlon
I decided to save the new suit for the OD. Coz if that suit went in now it'll come out brown. :)

The swim was ok. The water wasn't cold, so it was fine. I started out behind the pact, as always, because i don't fancy being kicked in the face. I did about 15 strokes of free style, and then i changed into breast stroke. ahahha for this i think i was rather consistent. Halfway after i turned round the island, i kicked and my leg struck some really edgy rocks in the water. i felt a sharp pain but went on, hoping it wasn't bleeding. I clocked about 12 minutes for the swim. Leg wasn't bleeding, only bengkak.

The cycling was alright la. The lack of training was apparent. But ive adopted a die die attitude, die die also i'll finish it! :) Did about 44 minutes for 17 kms plus.

The running was too short. I often wonder why they make the running route so short. 2 km, i can barely get my legs coordinated. at least make it 5 km, man...anyway, completed in abt 12 minutes. So all in all, plus transition, i took 1 hour 8 minutes. Ok la...for zero training. :) I'll do better next time.

Olympic Distance
i was doing the cycling and running only. Mr Cheng was my swimmer. So for the first 20 minutes or so i played Ms Papparazzi, going around snapping pictures unbeknownst to the people i was snapping. :)

Keith did the swim for Uncle Peter. He came out at about T=26 minutes. i followed him up the ramp and into the transition where a very surprised Uncle Peter was found, "wah so fast ar u?". haha...i then started warming up around my bike. fiddled around my bike trying to look as professional as possible, have to ler...got new suit...hehe. I stretched here n there. Then Mr Cheng came. and off i went.

Going out of the transition, Uncle Alex said to me "wah this time must get top 10 ar?". if only they knew what was about to happen. I was actually feeling pretty pumped up. It was as if i was running on solar energy, because the hotter the sun shone, the more energetic i felt. I was doing good. I downed a Gel and i couldn't have felt any better. I figured perhaps the daily cycling to college, despite the super short distance, did some good afterall. I was trudging happily up hills and whizzing ecstatically down them. I came to the outskirts and was admiring the scenic surroundings. then all of a sudden, i heard a phzzzzzzzz sound. the next thing i know, i was wobbling along the edges of the road.

my biggest nightmare happened. i had a flat. you know how sometimes you tell yourself how u must get something done but you never came around to doing it because time n time again everything has been perfectly fine? this is one of those major pain-in-the-arse-head-banging moments. I've always told myself that i should learn to fix a spare tube. I know i should. I know that one fine day i'd have to change the tube in the middle of a race and i had better learn do it soon. but NO. i had to procrastinate. i had to assume that i'd be fine. yes, i deserve a smack.

so anyway, dejected and defeated, i started walking back. i was only 11 kms into the race course. to carry on for the next 30 kms would be insane. i walked a little and then i saw a photographer. I borrowed his handphone and contacted my dad. haha yup, thank God for daddy!

As i strolled slowly alongside the road keeping a lookout for my dad, many riders asked if i was alright. Some offered to loan me handpumps and even a tube. but my ignorance should not serve as a punishment for them. they should have a good race. so i told them its alright.

I was on the verge of crying, quite honestly. coz this would be the 2nd DNF record in my whole entire racing life and ive gotten both in just 2 weeks. how's that for demotivation? but my family took me for roti canai and talked me into doing the run. told me that i should just do it. since i was already there.

So we came back to the transition, where Mori said "yea if you're prepared go for it!". so i did. I ran and managed to chat with several people along the way. i was slightly guilt stricken when i saw cyclists who overtook me on the other side of the road, now finishing their cycling stint. They must be puzzled to see me running already. anyway, i finished the run. and i took the medals too. :P

Ian Peterson. I told him it was a "No Walking Zone" during the running leg. haha funny fella...

quite evil and unethical of me la. But i figured that my swimmer should get a medal la, afterall he did his part. and it was a good thing i did too. because Keith's teammates didnt get him a medal. so he could have mine. :)

next race's resolution:
to learn how to fix a spare tube. pronto.

broke, baked, beaten, battered, bruised and bonkers

the title describes exactly how the A Famosa Tri has left me...both physically and mentally.

i am so worn out, i have decided to fill u in on the details another day. right now, photos shall sustain you. enjoy. :)

*click for photo album*

Week 4

Week 3 analysis
- Mrs Khaw's carpets seem to have gone a lot thinner. Either that or my tolerence for bumps and knocks has really gone down the drain. Oh, and the carpets are full of sandy particles which makes it even more painful.
- did not stay long. headache. backache. thighs ache. knee ache.
- oh.my.god. i've become a wussy gymnast.
- self esteem: worse than ever.

Week 4 analysis
- did a few practises before heading to class, thus more warmed up.
- wore "befitting" clothes this time. no more big baggy t-shirts to get in the way. felt my spirits lifting.
- forward splits are much much better i.e. almost back to where i was before.
- box split still not 180 degrees, but then again, it never was. i'm just happy it doesnt hurt anymore.
- back is now feeling the pain which comes from over arching. gotta be more careful.
- posture seem to have tightened a lot i.e. no more wobbly pivots.
- stole a few throwing ideas from Jun Mae. stole some simple AV moves too.
- i haven't sweat this much for gymrama in ages!
- self esteem: great! ive got a slightly more professional choreography prepared now. whoopee!

[2 more weeks! can i do it? can i? can i? i say...its time to kick some royal prom queen bums!]

***

A Famosa Tri is tomorrow! I'm so dead. Haven't done proper training since...KLIM. that's a long time ago. My run must be slacking now. My cycling was a proven disaster at Cyfora. and i won't even imagine how my swim is going to turn out.

seriously, may the good forces of Power bars and gels be with me.

thou shall PMS no more!

No longer PMS-ing, because it's here! which means there is a 50% chance i'd be doing the sprint event this weekend. I never learned how to use a tampon, and i ain't gonna start now. *right, too much information*. I'll just do the relay the next day, cycling and running. =)

a miracle happened this semester. i've always been a procrastinator, and in the past my procrastination (though i claim it to be a skill i've mastered), have left me with many "if onlys". i had been fairly satisfied with my results in the past but there was a tiny spot in the back of my head which seem to dwell on the fact that i could have done better and i know it. anywhos, this year was no different. i had a presentation due Tuesday morning and i was once again leaving everything to the eleventh hour. I was done with the presentation in under 2 hours and was pretty prepared to present it the next day.

the following morning, other groups presented first and as i watched their presentation i couldn't help but feel how inadequate our presentation was. i squirmed in my seat, wishing and praying that the time will run out and we would be forced to present on Thursday instead. Lucky for us, the Q&A for the other groups went on pretty long and we were granted a second chance to present on Thursday.

why i call it a second chance is because for the first time ever, i could erase all my "if onlys" and "should haves". i had the privilege of seeing my own flaws in the other groups' presentations, spotting the topics i lack and those that are redundant. and so, grabbing the opportunity, i have restructured my presentation, added in all the essentials, removed all the unnecessaties and for my own self esteem's benefit, threw in a few gimmicks.

and for the first time ever, i am anxious to present tomorrow. i actually can't wait.

fellow procrastinators, it is not too late to change. =)

one too many ice scream scoops

i think ive had one too many spoonfuls of ice cream to last me an eternity. we went to Swenson's today:
...because it was a Tuesday
...because some of us haven't celebrated April's birthday
...because we needed an excuse to jump into our cars and get away from college

yea, college stress have caught up with me. for a moment i thought i was incapable of feeling stress. i thought i was too slumber for my own good. too chillax already...but now the urgency is pounding at the back of my brains. so much so i find that i have been a tad touchy these days. i seem to be irritable and if i lacked an ounce less of self control, i probably would've lashed out at a few people today. dangerous...

or it could just be PMS. my period is late this time. i told myself, and every member in my family (because i needed the attention, thank you), that if my period comes anytime from Thursday onwards, i'm giving the sprint event this weekend a miss. yup. water sports can be quite annoying for women. please, have some compassion.

by the way, the leading nominee for this week is Veron and Sean.

April, April's fool, and the great April Cyfora

April Chin Mun Teng was born on April Fools day. Pretty cool huh? I think she's aptly named April. :) We had a little birthday get together on the night before which resulted in lots and lots of ice cream and lots and lots of camwhoring. I don't have much to say. We'll let the images speak for themselves. Happy 21st again April!!! :)

- photos -

When they all dropped me off, Steven called me a few minutes later. He said he's got a flat and needs some help. I was so ready to sprint off to my dad's room, wake him up and go on a rescue mission. But shortly after i hung up, he called again and yelled Apppprrrrril Fooooooool! into the phone. God, i can't remember the last time i was pranked on April Fools day. haha...

***

So the great Cyfora race arrived. I was MILDLY nervous, a TAD unsettled, and feeling a TINGE of queasiness. It was an 85 km race! The furthest distance i've ever done was 60 km. And that was 5 months ago! And since then i think i've cycled an accumulated distance of 30 km. yes...it was nerve wrecking watching the other pro cyclist gear up and hop on their expensive multi-thousand dollar bikes. The rainy weather did not help.

When it started, my aim was just to stay with the pact. Little did i know, that was much much MUCH harder than i thought. I trailed behind at about 10kms into the race. and when i hit 15kms, they were out of sight. I was DEAD LAST. To emphasize how far behind i was, i had a convoy of 2 police officials and a st john's ambulance on my tail. Yup...come to think of it, being last was as glamourous as being first! except that the response you get from the people along the streets are not that of cheers and applause, but rather laughter and blank stares.

Alex and Christina were with me in case anything happens i.e. me losing my way. I had to ask them where to go at every junction. Through their window they tutored me on gear shifting and things like that. It was so pathetic it was almost humourous. I would have laughed if i wasn't feeling that much of a loser. oh well...

At km 20 i gave up. There was a traffic jam leading up to the cemetary and the cars were trying to overtake each other. I ended up cycling off the road to the muddy side pathways. I was splattered in mud up to my waist. My bike was caked in gooey mud. So i hopped into Alex's car. It was a feeling of defeat, but if i were to continue i'd be troubling a lot more people than myself. It's ok, there's always next season.

It was a pity i forgot to snap a photo of my bike. But i did snap a photo of my purple jersey.
the bike was worse. *shrugs*