the price of giving up

somebody kick me please.

A little too ambitious

I think I should never make targets. I always seem to screw up whenever I try to achieve a target.

Yesterday I ran the Standard Chartered KL Marathon with my dad, Isaiah, Ralph and the many other marathon enthusiasts. I had targeted a sub 4 hour time and I had this aim sitting in my mind since I registered for the race a few months back..

One thing about me, I should stop blabbering. I need to learn to keep my ideals to myself. Maybe if I hadn't told so many people about my target time I wouldn't feel the pressure caving in on me. *shrug*

Excuses aside. The race was a blessing for one thing. It rained at the start, which made it cool and a lot more bearable for my jetlagged unacclimatised body. I am not a fan of the wet squishy shoes, but hey, you win some you lose some.

We started off at a comfortable pace, I thought. I was happily chatting and singing even with my 2 peeps, Ralph and Isaiah. But then I asked Isaiah what pace we were doing, he checked his little pacer thingy and said we were running at a 9km/h pace. Now, that to me is an offense. 9km/h? I was thinking, that's really really slow. What are we doing? We need to speed up!

So I did. And I think I kinda overdid it. I was trying my hardest to find the 4:00 balloon. When I saw a yellow balloon up ahead, I would speed up, give chase, until I finally catch up on it, and realised to my dismay, that it was only the 4:30 balloon. I think I went a little crazy, because I carried on "sprinting", I think probably running a 5 min/km pace.

As expected, my fuel tanks ran low pretty quickly. At about 25km I was feeling a little nauseous, feeling like throwing up. I had to stop to see if I was going to. Ralph asked me to slow down. Which I did, but then I keep wanting to go faster and faster.

So the last 5 km or so was a run-walk event. I know, I am truly disappointed in myself. But when an uncle told me sub 4 hours was a little bit hard to reach then, I kinda lost hope. And gave up. When Keat Seong came up from behind to get me to go on, I could only keep up for a bit. I don't know why I was so low on determination yesterday, because I swear I could've done it. It was within reach. I had 5 km to go and a 27 minute allowance to make it under 4 hours. But nope, I had to throw my hands up in despair and stop.

To be honest, I was gasping for breath. My feet were burning. But these are all signs I am all too familiar with. Yet I fail to harness the energy to pummel through. Why? Don't know...I guess I just got mad when I realised I wouldn't have been able to make it.

Anyway, I finished in 4:06:36. which I guess wasn't too bad considering the amount of time I stopped to walk. And we all have off days, don't we? =) I'm a little bummed out I didn't give it all I've got, but I think it's not too bad a time also la. So, I guess I should count my blessings.

Daddy had a half an hour improvement when he finished in 5:14. His last marathon took him 5:45, so well done Daddy!

I've managed to hurt my ankle though. I think I stepped in a pot hole and twisted it ever so slightly. So I've got my ankle wrapped up in a bandage now.

And it's hometime.

I'm coming home, baby.

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big, dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

-Kat Stratford, 10 Things I Hate About You

Anticipation

Throughout the course of my stay here I have learned one thing. Anticipation sucks.

Anticipating something that is going to be SO GREAT, that is going to be AMAZING...is often enough to render me restless and edgy and impatient. And trust me, I think while I am here in Auckland, I live in constant anticipation of my return to Malaysia.

I know why I'm here. But I don't know WHY I'm here. If life is about pursuing happiness than my happiness is back in Subang Jaya, where my family and friends are, where my favourite foods are, where my favourite races are, and where I left my heart with a certain someone.

I know the journey is not far now. I have one last year to go.

Anyway, with less than 48 hours before I arrive in tanah tumpah darahku, I sit in a room amidst boxes, small and large, holding the little things that is my life here in Auckland, and a big red suitcase, holding the little things that would be added to my life back in Subang.

I'm moving. Again. For the 4th time. I should be a pro at this now. The only thing is I keep buying more stuff, so I gain more and more things as I progress. But I'm looking forward to living in this new place. With new furniture, new pots and pans, new fridge, new washing machine. =)

I keep eating. Study periods are really bad in that sense. I have chomped down 5 little squares of cadbury chocolate, about 8 rice crackers, a cup of Milo and a tuna bun. Not because I was hungry. Well, I was in the beginning. But then it just became "something better to do" than to study.

I really am not a studious person, apparently. Bleh.

I can't wait to see the homies. =)

#4

I decided to watch the All Whites play Slovakia last night, for some reason. I hardly ever watch football, but just a few hours before while I was at work, I spoke to my clients about the World Cup and so felt compelled to be "in the know" of things. So I stayed up, cocooned myself up in my sleeping bag, armed with my laptop and a hot cuppa (milo actually), and watched the enthusiastic Kiwis play their first World Cup match since 1982.

It started off with a huge attack, Kiwis charging at every Slovakian they can get as if it was rugby. But then their spirit kinda fizzled out after the first quarter and they seem to be chasing the Slovakians more than being chased, because they never quite got the ball. To me anyway. But the domination statistics showed otherwise. At 50 minutes Slovakia scored one goal and I kinda laughed. I guess like everyone was saying, the Kiwis were just happy to be there. They really are the underdogs this year.

At 70 minutes I was dying to go back into the room and crawl underneath my duvet. It was freezing in Auckland last night, it still is freezing today. But I figured I could stay for another 20 minutes, since I got no where to be tomorrow morning.

I am so glad I did. Because right after 90 minutes, during the injury time, Winston Reid (pic) scored their first ever World Cup goal! I had to refrain from jumping up and shouting! It was amazing! I am so proud of them! They stuck their head in the game and fought on to the very last minute!

So it shows it never is too late to change things. Nike said, write your future. They didn't say when to give up. The answer I guess, is never.