on love

love. that blasted word. a four letter word, so simple in meaning yet so deep in value. so great is its influence on the human race in every corner of the world.

i, of all people, detest it when people try to sound all philosophical, coming up with their own theories and perceptions on love. i hate it when they try to write something on something we know is guaranteed to either touch you, enrage you, sadden you, amuse you, affect you in one way or another to a certain degree - usually by large.

everyone relates to love. everyone. and maybe the reason why i have chosen to blog on love tonight was because i intend to win back some readers, regenerate some interest and increase those blog hits. maybe the reason i chose to discuss love tonight was because in the past year i have learned a thing or two about love and would like to disseminate that piece of information to those of you out there in search of love.

maybe.

but i know nothing of love except that i've been given an abundance of it throughout my life. yes, i am a lucky girl to begin with, born to a family who's extremely loving and giving. i have friends who love me very much, friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin.

people say i am an idealist in a lot of ways. i believe in all things good and kind and the power they bring. but i think it's because of the environment that i was brought up in that was so full of love that hatred, vengeance, sadness doesn't really come very often. now i'm beginning to sound like i was raised by the Care Bears.

Truth is, tonight i'm talking on love because of a certain someone. This person is someone i've only known for less than maybe a year and a half. Yet his presence in my life has a great impact on me.

This person loves me. And I see it through his eyes what I mean to him. I feel it through his words when he writes to me. I know it through his actions.

And when I first found myself loving him back, I never knew how deeply I'd be loving him. I never knew how deeply i'd be falling in love with him. Now that i have, i never want to fall out of it.

Tonight this very dear person would be turning 25. And I could be selfish and conceited and wish that he continues to love me this much for the rest of his life. Or I could be generous and kind and wish that I continue to love him this much for the rest of my life.

I think I'll sleep on that tonight and see what I feel like tomorrow. =)

Happy Birthday, Boyfriend.
xx

2008

2008 can be broken into 2 stages; before Auckland and after Auckland. Because i think the Karen in both stages are 2 completely different Karens...

Before Auckland was a whole slew of one oddjob after another. Having graduated fresh from Metropolitan College, armed with a business degree in hand and a new attained sense of purpose in life, I was actually pretty determined to find myself in the working world. I didn't have any plans whatsoever except to dip my feet in as many things possible in the 6 months that I had before i flew. January saw me racing up and down PWTC working for YouthMalaysia, at my wit's end trying to pull together a celebrity talk show and an Animax fashion show for Youth 08. And then, there was trying my hand at what was supposedly something I had dreamed of doing - personal training. Guess what? I stayed for 3 weeks and I couldn't have been unhappier. Didn't get to train anyone, felt like I was under pressure eventhough I had no specific job description at that point, and I missed out on a LOT of my social life because working hours were weird. I gave that up, wanted to kick back and relax for a couple of months, but i landed myself a 6 week job at Cosmotots. To be honest, teaching kids is still the job I am happiest with. I had some pretty good laughs during those classes and I miss those kids dearly. But teaching kids kinda stumps your mind a bit someitmes. Like there is no challenge, no room for going further, making bigger decisions, stuff like that...

Before Auckland, I had a thirst for ambition and I was so darned sure that I was on the right track to chasing my dreams. I was determined, full of passion and readiness to commit, and had great faith that I was going to start one of the best times of my life in just a couple of months, weeks, days...

And then I came to Auckland...

For those of you whom I've met up with over this past month, I think you can sense the melancholy that came in the tone of my voice when I spoke of Auckland. And perhaps I may have given off the idea that I'm not happy in Auckland.

To be honest, the first couple of months at least, that I was in Auckland were the gloomiest, loneliest days of my life. I had never felt so lonely, so homesick, so lovesick before. And Auckland, was very much NOT like the picture I painted for myself. Freedom and living alone abroad, wasn't either. There were sad days, and there were days that I coped better. And I guess some of you are rolling your eyeballs, and spitting out "I told you so"s. I think I had hoped for so much out of this that I when it was all not like that, I fell harder than I would've had I not had any expectations.

But I believe that I am building a life for myself there, slowly but surely. And I can assure you, that I have not regretted going there. When I set my foot down on doing this, I knew that life was not going to be a bed of roses and I knew that it was going to be hard living by all by myself. I just didn't think reality would hit me so soon (and so coldly too). But that being said, reality did and I went through some pretty lonesome moments, but that's just the beginning. It can only get better from here forth, I'm pretty sure.

As for Sport and Exercise Science, it is exactly the kind of course I should be doing. There is still that bitterness at the back of my throat as I wish again and again rhetorically, that I had done this first before anything else. But no regrets in the path that I have walked till now. What matters is the path that go on from here.

And I intend to make that an adventure race.=)

Have a great 2009 everyone!

Lobsterman

Dennis brought me to have some big big shell fish for dinner last night. And it was good food with good fun.
Got complimentary photo some more..=)

what i've been up to

I've been so busy since i got home from Auckland, i haven't really found time to sit down n blog a decent post. strangely though, when people ask me "what have u been up to?" i always fail to come up with something better than "nothing much" because when I think of it, i've really been doing nothing much. So let's just recap on some of the things I've been poking my butt into in the past month. omg have i been home for a month already?

First, there is, of course, the girlie's night out with Lyn n Rosie, which is always always always fun. Night filled with laughter and warm moments to touch our hearts as we sit around a cosy little restaurant in Bangsar and savour the yumminess of Chocolate Mixed Berries Meringue, catching up with each other's lives.
Then, naturally there's going out with muh homies, Julie, Anne, Ven Nee, Weng Lum, Pei Jien, Kenny and Han Yang. The silly witty conversations that go on among these silly witty friends are definitely what I wish I could can and bring to Auckland with me.
Somewhere amidst the days I managed to squeeze in Julie-Karen hang outs, which was always refreshing and definitely something I had always been able to count on. There was even a Julie-Karen-Soonseng hang out one night which was pretty fun too.
And then there was the one night Ashwin asked me out for a drink, and it became a different sort of meet up because before we could sit, we were joined by my friends, and then when they left we went and joined my boyfriend and his friends, so Ashwin, sorry about that. :P we'll go out and talk long long another night ok? I was also previleged to catch up with Su Yi and Kevin who were in PJ when I was in PJ, so i managed to have a brief catching up sessions with these 2 Pharmacists.On one of the nights, I was talked into whipping up some pasta in my kitchen for some fellow mates who have been with me through thick and thin albeit in just recent years. Joey, Yanyee, Dektos, Nick and Kailash were around with their usual slightly askewed track of mind jokes and all. Fun time nonetheless.

There is also that great big Family Vacation to Langkawi that was much talked about in the family group email, ping ponged around discussing dates and flight details and what nots. That finally came, and sadly, went. It was an enjoyable trip, and perhaps my being away from my loved ones has made me appreciate the finer things in life because I felt a deep sense of comfort with my family and a slow radiating bitterness that rise up my throat ever so mildly when I think about leaving them again in February.
Christmas was a busy holiday this year as i started the season on the eve with my family's annual dinner at my uncle's house in Ara damansara. It was bustling with kids of all age and size and I couldn't be any happier toddling around with them =) Then it was 10 in the morning on Christmas day with the ACT's The Big Christmas Show. After that a huge sumptuous lunch at Uncle Peter's, as it is every year.

Boxing day saw me up at 7.15 am to prepare for a photoshoot! yeah, earliest photo shoot ever. It was my extended family protrait photoshoot which was different than any other shoot because this time it was outdoors, and my cousin Caryn had gotten her seniors to help out. Everything ran really professionally and I am very impressed by it all.

Last night I rode all the way down to Kajang to meet Melanie and Li Fu and Sophia and a few other friends. Tim was my designated sober driver as we played "100 shots in 100 minute". I only had 18. Epic fail. But it was good fun which led me to sleeping with my lights on last night.And then, it was just spending time with you whenever possible. I know I have been rather selfish by calling you at every spare moment I can get my hands on, but it's been really great just hanging out with you again. And it'll definitely be a lot harder to leave u again in February, but let's talk about that another day. =)photo compliments of Caryn Yeo/Jing Tzer
I think I've lost my affinity for photo taking. Should start taking more photos again. Anyway..here's wishing all of you a great brand spanking new 2009! Work hard, play harder and enjoy yourselves! =)

Season's Greetings

Girls

xxx