December

So...last post was September. Glorious month for 2013, that one. It was the month I truly felt liberated to run my own show, do my own thing where my career was concerned. Things were going smoothly, money was coming in, life was good.

Now it's almost 4 months later. I think things are still going well, but I haven't really been super happy of late. For starters, I seem to keep getting myself into all sorts of fixes with my friends. And the irony is that they all stem from me trying to do something nice for someone. From that, I somehow find myself either in a heated debate on my principles or, like what I did just yesterday, I end up paying through my nose for a careless careless mistake.

Maybe it is the pressure or stress from shouldering all responsibilities from my business? Or maybe it is just merely the fact that I have been resting my foot, and not running at all, and so I feel like I don't have an outlet. I think it is also the fact that I am DYING to move out and live my own life with my happy, but extremely high maintenance puppy, Milo, and get out of everyone's hair in this house, but I can't because I am not rich enough to buy or even rent a place of my own.

Maybe it is all. I guess this is it la, what everyone has complained about being an grown up, all the responsibilities, the stress, the fear of failure and rejection, the pressure to emerge successful. I am finally weathering this storm called Life and I don't know if I am handling it very well.

Poor Gary has had to endure a couple of my bitch fits because I am too stubborn to listen to any other person. I really should be a better girlfriend.

So, I am a little impatient for the year to end, truth be told. I am quite done with December, I've lost enough money and have only made very little in return. I have lost my head a few times due to the setbacks. I really think I need to manage my life a bit better...

It starts with being completely on my own, I feel. I need my own place. I really do. I am adult enough to make decisions on my own that does not require consent from anyone else.