I get out of bed, and I check the time
Adding 4 hours when I used to subtract
Wondering what you're up to today
Before I realise, and I retract

Lunch time and I sit and ponder
What to have and who to call out
I smile as I think of you and fish burgers
Then I realise that's not what today's about

Mid day passes, and evening comes
And I thought I'd done pretty well on my own
Then a little beep, and your message comes through
Out the window my façade is thrown

It still is nice to hear from you
No matter how brief or casual it is
I still look forward to words from you
Words I really am not supposed to miss

I hope in time, this yearning will fade
And so will the emotions that lie within me
I hope the distance will run its course
Burying my thoughts deep where they will sit silently

It's happening right now.

Today I landed my first PT client. I've been dreaming of this day for the past 3 years, and let me tell you, it feels pretty damn amazing. It's just one (potentially 2, because she referred me to a friend), but it's all coming true for me. My hopes, my dreams, the moments I envision in my head those cold, lonely nights in Auckland - it's all happening right now.

I may just be getting started, but to all you non believers out there, I just checked into Reality and so far it's awesome. =)

Malaysia Part II

Being home has been GREAT. It's great having Mummy's home cooked food, and listening to Daddy's dinner table stories and I'm surprised (once again) at how much my brother, Keith has grown both physically and in personality.

I've been meeting up with my friends one by one, I love knowing that I am starting full time work soon, so it means steady income coming in very soon. ;) It's been great seeing all of them again, and catching up with each other's lives, and finally feeling like my own life can now get under way, rather than be put on hold while I finish my studies.

And, of course, one of the awesomest things about being back at home, gastronomy haven aside, is the hi speed unlimited broadband, which means I get to follow all my favourite TV series again! I've been going on a Gleeathon and I am BLOWN away! *Heart* Glee!! ♥

One episode in particular, was talking about acceptance. How we should accept our imperfections and wear it on our chests with pride.

This touched me a lot, especially with what has been going on in my country. The Bersih rally that was held on July 9th, the night I flew back here, is still splashed across news feeds everywhere. A lot of touching stories have surfaced from different angles, contributed by people who were either at the demonstration itself, or was married to one of them, or was barred from going to the rally...the stories make me want even more to be back home here.

I love Malaysia. I will always be proud to be Malaysian. People still ask me, "Why don't you get yourself a permanent residency in New Zealand? Such a waste, you already study there for 3 years, stay a little longer and you can get your PR already." I don't quite understand why.

I don't understand why we as children of Malaysia are asked to run away to a foreign country. Why complain about life in Malaysia, and then escape and never return? Why not do something about it? A lot of us are blessed to be given the opportunity to study abroad, why not bring what we learn back home to Malaysia to better our own home country? The country we grew up in, where we were shaped and moulded?

"But you study Sport Science! How to survive in Malaysia? No market for you la, stay in NZ better!". Wrong. I studied Sport Science to help better peoples' lives. And it would be plain silly if I run along and helped foreigners in a land where the industry is already well developed, while I can easily do the same for my fellow Malaysians who are in greater need of such knowledge than the white men.

Same reason why we cheer for Harimau Malaya (Malayan Tigers), our national football team, when they go against world renown Arsenal, even though our players are no match for them. The world of sport is highly patriotic. People will cheer for their own home teams no matter what the odds. It feels good cheering for something you belong to.

I don't know if the Glee episode is really related, but it touched me and it made me think of how we shouldn't be ashamed of the imperfections of Malaysia. We should be proud of it, and we should want to better it. Home is where the heart is. My heart belongs to Malaysia. =)

Malaysia.

SO! My last post was more than 3 weeks ago. Hello! I'm back.

So much has happened in the last few weeks, I don't really know where to start! I don't even think I want to. Heh. Let me try to summarize. I basically started travelling the day after I finished my exams (a.k.a. the day I finished my degree, hehe). I was off to Fiji for 7 days, which was pretty awesome, despite the rain and winds that came from the 3rd to the 7th day. And then a day after I got back from Fiji, Lyn and Rosie came to visit and away we went down to Rotorua, then up to Northland. And then they left, and I had less than 48 hours to pack up my 3 years in Auckland into 25 kgs of checkked in baggage and 10 kgs of carry on PLUS throw a farewell party before I then spent about 15 hours journeying back to Kuala Lumpur on the 9th of July - the day Malaysia will remember as Bersih 2.0.

So now I'm here in my much missed bedroom in Subang Jaya. I have just checked my results online this morning and found that I have PASSED MEDSCI 205 which is GREAT! I was a very happy girl when I saw that. I have also started to unpack my baggages, which turned out to be almost as mind boggling as packing seeing that I have no space in my cupboard for a lot of things. I eventually gave up halfway and decided that perhaps I should just live out of a suitcase. =) I also sorted out my mobile phone woes, and my internet banking and bought some antibiotic cream for my now pus dribbling battle scars on my heels. yes they look as gross as they sound.

I am exhausted. From the travelling, from the laughter and the fun I've been having.
I am gaining weight. From all the food I've been eating sans the exercise because I haven't been able to find time to do so and then my injuries now hold me back.
I am relieved. To be rid of exams, assignments, textbooks, journal articles, studying and stress.
I am comfortable. To be among family and best friends again, and the same awesome food I grew up with.
I am saddened. By the end of something that was potentially something pretty good.

Yup. In the past 4 months of my life in Auckland, I have managed to gain and lose love. I had met someone amazing, someone who I'd love to be with, but was never meant to be in love with. It saddens me that I had to bid him farewell, and that our chapter had to end. It saddens me that I am now back to zero again - to begin my search once again for someone to fit into my wonderful life, to have and to hold for many years to come. But life is a never ending journey, and love should not be the only thing I search for. =)

The world is my oyster now. I can do whatever I want right now with my life. That feels surreal. =)