On love

In 2009 I created a post with the exact same title, "On Love". It was a birthday dedication to a boy I loved very much at that point in time, and it captured the very essence of my heart. I think that Love which you grow in time as you get to know a person, get to recognize the things which makes you smile, and those which make you hold your breath, as you learn their flaws and turn them into affection, and as you feel the need to be the reason that person is happy, is a truly amazing thing. That, to me, is Love in its purest form, and the kind which takes forever to shut down because you so carefully nurtured it through time.

Marriage, through my simple eyes, is a public announcement of that love. It is like that Facebook update that you were so happy about, you wanted your 1000 plus subscribers to know about it. It is the promise that I have fallen in love with you, and I do not intend to climb back out. To be so sure that nobody else in the world would make you happier than the person next to you, is a big call - and a brave one at that.

Not many people have the opportunity to meet Love this way. And among those who do, not all of them are lucky enough to have their feelings requited. And so I think that those who make it all the way to marriage, and all the way past years and years of marriage to their deathbed, I think they're heroes.

Congrats Kor and Ah Soh! :D

Today my brother married the love of his life. It was something about his smile, the radiance in his face, the spring in his step, and the song in the way he talked, (and this is the big brother who could make me cry by scolding me via online chat), I could tell he was very happy. :)

I want that for myself. (And I've said that to practically everyone). One day. =)

My 2012 wish list

I've been a little greedy lately ever since I started to see money in more than 3 digits coming into my bank account every month. It's a wonderful feeling having (some) financial freedom! But like always, it is a lot of money but never enough. There is a host of things I really want to get so I've decided instead of making resolutions I shall make a wish list of items I wish to purchase over the period of next year. Here goes:

Hand Blender:

 

Ever since I stayed with SherMayne in her flat my first semester in New Zealand, I've fallen in love with her hand blender and I think it's the most awesome invention ever. I want one.

Handphone:

 

My phone is still functional, but it is kinda tiny and it has served me well for 2 years come June next year. So I figured it's time to put aside the old and make room for the new!

Laptop:

 

I want a new laptop, and it wouldn't hurt if it looked something like this! Haha...but I need a new lappie to replace my 4 year old Dell Inspiron.

Smexy workout gear:

 

I want some new smexy work out gear for my job! :D

A crib:

And of course, I want my own place.

*edit* I forgot! I want one of this too!

Coz I need to get my game on next year if i want to get myself involved in the sport again.

So, time to make money.

On Work.

Sometimes I cannot believe how amazingly real my dreams are turning out to be. The satisfaction of seeing the opportunities come calling on me one by one is enough to drive me forward every single day. A handful of years ago, I had a vision that everything would be like this. I had a dream that the industry would swell up in due time, and that studying a course I was interested in would give me a step up in my career. I had a dream that the fitness industry would be various and ever growing. And not all of my childish dreams come true. So the fact that this one is becoming a reality, it's pretty overwhelming.

Here I am, with less than 6 months of being in the industry in my homeland, and already I have been approached by so many people with such various and interesting job offers! And I feel extremely lucky. I think the stars are aligned in the universe for me or I must've done something quite right in the past to be getting such opportunities but whatever the reason, I am very very grateful.

Though, with the abundance of job offers comes a great sense of responsibility to live up to the industry's expectation of me. I have been feeling nervous and anxious lately, simply because I don't know if I am as good as they think I am. My dad says I have self esteem issues, and maybe I do, but I wasn't the top of the class in uni, and so I sometimes feel a little unsure of myself. But make no mistake that I am more than willing to research on the issues at hand, and to learn as much as I can from the veterans of the industry that my good karma has allowed me to meet. I really don't want to mess things up, because I think a good reputation is hard to built, but once I obtain it, I am pretty much "invincible". =)

And that, is the kind of person I plan to be someday.

My brother the Ironman

My brother is a bit of a superhero. Today he completed his 4th Ironman race in Western Australia in under 10 hours 30 minutes. That is AWESOME! He put in hours and hours of training with undying discipline and enthusiasm and he achieved a goal he had set sight on months ago. Bravo, Kor! =)

In my family, sport and exercise is a huge thing. We're all active people with athletic inclinations. To a lot of people on the outside, it's pretty amazing. And I think it is too. My family is so supportive of one another in the things we love to do. My dad was on his laptop all day just keeping up with my brother's progress. It just reminds me again and again why I never want to be too far away from home. =)

Running related.

Running is a huge part of my life. I centre a lot of things around running. Like why I keep my hair long, so that I can tie it up in a tight ponytail to run. Or why I love buying socks and I only choose those that are light and not too loose, so I can use them for running. Or why I try not to make any plans on Sundays, because I'm usually running on that day. Or why I eat a lot of bananas and I'm never afraid of carbs, because in my job I am always running. Most of everything I do is running related. That's why when my running performance is affected by something, I get pretty upset.

The last time I felt a little different in my run was about 5 years ago. It came as suddenly as a thunderstorm, without much warning, affecting my run very distinctly. All of a sudden, I was unable to run any more. When I told that to my friends, they couldn't understand me. What do you mean, you can't run any more? I said I just couldn't! I would start my run at a leisurely jogging pace and then within 15 minutes I'd be panting as if I had finished 20 clicks. It was bizarre! When I told that to my family, being the sportsmen they are, they told me I wasn't putting in enough training. They said, I can't keep improving without training. Sooner or later I'll start going downhill and I'd have to up my training to keep up. So I trained more and more and every time I tried the same thing would happen, I'd run out of breath within 10 minutes. It brought me to tears wondering what was going on. Then I saw a doctor who made me take a blood test. I found out from the test results that I had hyperthyroidism. I was put on medication and it was horrible. I gained weight, I looked like a balloon, I had hives and itched everywhere as a side effect of that medication, and I felt miserable. The medication course took 6 months and I was ok again after that. My running went back to normal and I was smashing personal best times again. =)

Fast forward to today. The past few races I have taken part in have been miserable. I am constantly tired these days and I have been told by many that I seem to be losing a lot of weight. I like the weight loss bit, but I really don't like all these "cannot run any more" business. So after a depressing Penang Bridge marathon, I went to take the same blood test again. The doc also mentioned I have been losing weight, so he said it has most likely recurred. Today I took the test results and I was right. I am once again hyperthyroidic - if there's such a word.

I've been given a 6 month course of medication again. I am probably going to be quite miserable again, but hey, I am looking forward to the time I can run again. And I'll be smashing my PBs again, just you wait and see.

Pro Singles

I've been single for over a year now, and I, very often, get invited out to 'Girls Night Outs'. I think it's cool that my single girlfriends take the initiative to hold these occasions and have very positive mindsets on singlehood and whatnot. But as much as I appreciate their gestures, I can't help but find them a little "pro single". They glorify being single as if it's the best lifestyle in the world. They say they are free to travel, to go out and flirt guilt-free, to meet people and have them buy drinks for them, and just have a whole lot of fun without the need to owe any explanation to anyone. I admire their strength and courage, but I am definitely not one of them. Another friend of mine told me that if I really want to get over my ex for good, then have a rebound one. I think the thought of that already has my moral consciousness screaming bloody murder.

I am strong enough to live independently without a partner. But having a partner doesn't make you weak or dependent or restrained. I dream of having the kind of partner that will travel with me to exotic places. I dream of having the kind of partner whose hobbies and interest compliment my own and we'll have many shared moments together, thus there'll be no need to report to him because more often than not he'll be by my side. And I dream of having the kind of partner who makes me so happy I will not see the need to flirt with random strangers and fish for compliments. I don't really go out at night anyway apart from hanging out at bubble tea places with my bestie. So I don't think I need to worry about accidentally flirting with anyone and feeling guilty about it if I am in a relationship.

Being in a committed relationship, to me, is amazing. Having that one person who'll always be by your side, who always get you, who knows what to say or do to lift you up, on whom you can count on...that to me are life's best moments. Maybe I am a sappy romantic, but I really really want all of that, not some stupid unmemorable fling that'll only leave me feeling more guilty.