Running related.

Running is a huge part of my life. I centre a lot of things around running. Like why I keep my hair long, so that I can tie it up in a tight ponytail to run. Or why I love buying socks and I only choose those that are light and not too loose, so I can use them for running. Or why I try not to make any plans on Sundays, because I'm usually running on that day. Or why I eat a lot of bananas and I'm never afraid of carbs, because in my job I am always running. Most of everything I do is running related. That's why when my running performance is affected by something, I get pretty upset.

The last time I felt a little different in my run was about 5 years ago. It came as suddenly as a thunderstorm, without much warning, affecting my run very distinctly. All of a sudden, I was unable to run any more. When I told that to my friends, they couldn't understand me. What do you mean, you can't run any more? I said I just couldn't! I would start my run at a leisurely jogging pace and then within 15 minutes I'd be panting as if I had finished 20 clicks. It was bizarre! When I told that to my family, being the sportsmen they are, they told me I wasn't putting in enough training. They said, I can't keep improving without training. Sooner or later I'll start going downhill and I'd have to up my training to keep up. So I trained more and more and every time I tried the same thing would happen, I'd run out of breath within 10 minutes. It brought me to tears wondering what was going on. Then I saw a doctor who made me take a blood test. I found out from the test results that I had hyperthyroidism. I was put on medication and it was horrible. I gained weight, I looked like a balloon, I had hives and itched everywhere as a side effect of that medication, and I felt miserable. The medication course took 6 months and I was ok again after that. My running went back to normal and I was smashing personal best times again. =)

Fast forward to today. The past few races I have taken part in have been miserable. I am constantly tired these days and I have been told by many that I seem to be losing a lot of weight. I like the weight loss bit, but I really don't like all these "cannot run any more" business. So after a depressing Penang Bridge marathon, I went to take the same blood test again. The doc also mentioned I have been losing weight, so he said it has most likely recurred. Today I took the test results and I was right. I am once again hyperthyroidic - if there's such a word.

I've been given a 6 month course of medication again. I am probably going to be quite miserable again, but hey, I am looking forward to the time I can run again. And I'll be smashing my PBs again, just you wait and see.

Pro Singles

I've been single for over a year now, and I, very often, get invited out to 'Girls Night Outs'. I think it's cool that my single girlfriends take the initiative to hold these occasions and have very positive mindsets on singlehood and whatnot. But as much as I appreciate their gestures, I can't help but find them a little "pro single". They glorify being single as if it's the best lifestyle in the world. They say they are free to travel, to go out and flirt guilt-free, to meet people and have them buy drinks for them, and just have a whole lot of fun without the need to owe any explanation to anyone. I admire their strength and courage, but I am definitely not one of them. Another friend of mine told me that if I really want to get over my ex for good, then have a rebound one. I think the thought of that already has my moral consciousness screaming bloody murder.

I am strong enough to live independently without a partner. But having a partner doesn't make you weak or dependent or restrained. I dream of having the kind of partner that will travel with me to exotic places. I dream of having the kind of partner whose hobbies and interest compliment my own and we'll have many shared moments together, thus there'll be no need to report to him because more often than not he'll be by my side. And I dream of having the kind of partner who makes me so happy I will not see the need to flirt with random strangers and fish for compliments. I don't really go out at night anyway apart from hanging out at bubble tea places with my bestie. So I don't think I need to worry about accidentally flirting with anyone and feeling guilty about it if I am in a relationship.

Being in a committed relationship, to me, is amazing. Having that one person who'll always be by your side, who always get you, who knows what to say or do to lift you up, on whom you can count on...that to me are life's best moments. Maybe I am a sappy romantic, but I really really want all of that, not some stupid unmemorable fling that'll only leave me feeling more guilty.

Chocolate ice cream

Today I realised when I find myself caught in the perils of self pity and loneliness, a nice big bowl of chocolate ice cream and chocolate sauce can do wonders.

Look forward, Karen. You need to stop holding on to the past, it's not coming back.