meh.

I'm about 4 days to finishing my degree, 5 days to flying to Fiji, 12 days to Lyn and Rosie coming here, and 22 days to flying home. I should be extremely excited, which I kinda am. I guess. If I were to rank my events in terms of excitement factor, they'd be, from best to worst:

Finishing my degree
Fiji
Lyn and Rosie coming
Home

Not because they come in that chronological order, but because going home now seems a bit disheartening. I know, ironic isn't it? How I had wanted to go home so badly for so long? Haha..

It's been 6 days since I last saw him, but who's counting. ikindamisshim. Another 11 days to go before I see him again. The text messages make it all better though. =) Still...this is not looking good. What about next month? Hm. Meh.

heart.

On my player, John Mayer plays Half of My Heart.

On my bookmark, a poem entitled Trust Your Heart.

Chris Brown sings "There're hearts all over the world tonight".

And on Google reader, my friend blogs about heart ache and heart break.

My heart is anxious.

At least I've got about 25 days to prepare myself for it this time.

Half of my ♥

On being the world to somebody

I want to be the world to somebody.

I want to be the reason he laughs, the reason he has a good day, the reason time fly by, the reason he has that song on loop, the reason he buys new clothes, the reason he trains harder, the reason he looks forward to the weekend, the reason he tweets, the reason he cries, the reason he's hungry, the reason he wants to go there, the reason he wants to be there, the reason he wants to come home, the reason he smiles in the morning, the reason he sleeps well at night, the reason he gets no sleep at night, the reason he loses weight, the reason he buys breath mints, the reason he does charity, the reason he gains weight, the reason he runs, the reason he sacrifices, the reason he gets nervous, the reason he feels so at ease, the reason he sings, the reason he likes chocolate, the reason he buys chocolate, the reason he loves.

I want to be that person to somebody. :)

what next

My flatmate, E, got rejected when she applied to extend her 1 year working holiday visa here in New Zealand. So for the past couple of weeks she has been laying out her options on what to do next. She does not want to go back to France yet, she still wants to travel. She just came into my room to tell me that a working holiday visa in Australia costs NZ$365 to apply, which she thinks is too much. What was she to do?? I wish I had some ideas for her.

But as I get caught up in all the drama as well, it is pretty exciting that my own life is about to transition into another chapter very soon. I have been waiting for this moment for too long, and it is now only weeks away. I have a thought out plan, which is pretty cool. But at the same time, something at the back of my mind asks what if I didn't have a plan? What if I was free to do whatever I want, go wherever I want and return whenever I want? Because technically, I could take off to, say, Lituania, and apply for a waitressing position in some tiny little cafe and just check things out. Technically, nothing's stopping me.

Just the idea that I have options, I can decide what I want to do with the rest of my life, and that is all happening very soon, makes me tingle with excitement.

BUT until then, I still have 4 exam papers to study for and pass. 16 more days, Karen. Just hang in there.

18 days

At 1700 hours today, I walked out of hopefully the last ever academic lecture of my undergraduate life. Strangely enough, it didn't feel quite so relieving, rather, it felt pretty daunting. Medsci 205 final exam is just around the corner, 10 days from now to be exact. Somehow, it seems to want to take priority over everything in my life. It is what I am most worried about, what I cannot shake from the corner of my mind every waking second of my day. It is such a fear, yet I haven't quite found a way to harness that fear and turn it into something constructive. Rather I feel like avoiding it altogether even more. Maybe that's how I have been coping with my life all this while, I avoid my fears. Not good.

Anyway, in 18 days I will hopefully be free. Wish me luck! :D