the inaugural badminton tourney

the air was stale and stagnant. ventilation zilch. it didnt help that the guys were applying splotches of deep heat on their skin. to me, the faces of the people there showed 2 different expressions; sheer confidence and utter fear of their opponents. i had neither. instead, i sat down quietly on the bench, trying to numb the increasing fear i had in me, the fear of my partner.

i held my breath whenever someone walks through the doors. part of me prayed that it wouldn't be him. the other part kicked me at the back of my head and wished he was here so we could get the game over and done with. i found myself asking again and again what in God's name was i doing there.

next thing i know, it was time to play. he looked at me and said "Okay Karen? we can do it" as he flashed his bright pearly whites. i wanted to faint. who am i kidding? i had 2 options. either i attempt to take some shots and get lashed at for failing. or i don't attempt to take any, and get lashed at for not attempting. i could feel myself shrinking. i looked over the net and stared at my opponents. for a moment, i thought i saw a hint of pity in their eyes, and that made me feel a little better.

game started, i was nervous as hell. hitting air and serving shorts, i vowed that badminton shall be strictly recreational from now on. i glanced sideways at my partner. he did a little hand gesture, signaling to me that my "department" was in front, his behind. that should be easy, i thought. but lo and behold, the guy shuffles back and forth and left and right and if there was a name to it, i'd say he was polka-ing around me in that court. i felt like completely useless. his intentions were kind, "just move away and i can save you, karen", he said. but i hated that. i hated being of no use, i hated not being able to contribute. but i felt that if i tried, i'd just be making it worse.

after a couple of glorious moments, which are the only 2 times i could hit the shuttle across, and a whole string of embarrassing ones, we won. or should i say, he won. i looked across at our opponents, hopefully sending an apologetic message across to them. then i went back to that same spot on the bench.

i know it's all for fun. i know that he's probably more interested in winning the singles. but i seriously felt like i could've had my legs bound and it wouldn't have made a difference.

in short, i feel like an idiot.

watch me shine!

today i learned...

..that group assignments are a pain

..that i enjoy being the Master of Ceremony

..that i'm not too bad, i made Liang laugh didn't i?

..that i really need Mandarin classes

..that Shakti is amazingly talented

..that Matt's rendition of I'm Yours is highly contagious and addictive

..that the Dean of Curtin in Metro sings in the opera

..that i can't rap for peanuts

..that my eyes have better reflex than the rest of my body

..that the trick to playing in an actual badminton tourney when you can't even serve right is to partner a national player from Botswana

..that my hair is pretty damaged, says my hairdresser

..that running is therapeutic no matter what anyone says and no matter what condition you're in

..that when thinking of a single unattached girl thoughts of me actually come to people's minds

..that this blog is gonna be getting way too much attention

..that i havent napped in the afternoon in ages

..that One Tree Hill Season 3 is insanely disturbing

..that i had more Metro experiences today than the entire year 1's experiences combined!

Mum seems satisfied and happy when i babbled on and on about what happened today. i guess, i am too. to think that i'd go through 3 years in Metro keeping to myself and being the introverted loner in the corner of the lecture theatre. fat hopes. :)

please inspire me

i'm running out of time to finish my Leadership Camp report. thing is, i've been cracking my brains to figure out a more creative way of sharing my experience. Tell me, what pretty much sums up "I had so much fun i wished i had gone for the previous 3!"?? i'm worried that i may make it sound too personal by speaking too much from my point of view, rather than from a larger scope. but if i try to be general, it'd be as flat as "We had french toasts for breakfast". i really shouldnt be sitting on it, thinking. i should, like i always say, let something inspire me. but that's the problem...what if nothing did?

i am so not born to be a journalist.

***

Tee Shiau Sang had left teenagehood for good yesterday, and we warmly welcomed her into twentyhood with 8 scoops of ice cream at Swensons. you see, i thought we'd have that 50% off. but then, it totally slipped my mind that its a public holiday today. darn!

owell, when it comes to law students, you'd better not be cheap, else they'll sue you in future. =)

Happy Birthday Doink!

when 15 years of friendship counts

there is only one girl who has seen me in basically every single hairdo, outfit, appearence and mood that i can master. i'm not sure how long i've known her, but i'm guessing since kindergarten. that would make me 5 years old then. which means i've known her for 15 years of my life!

l-r: hanzy, shadzy, mei, me, jude

and back when autograph books were passed around like the common flu, this girl was probably the first person who called me her best friend. people used to say when i fell down, she'd cry and vice versa. quite honestly i don't recall that happening. i do recall her and i being the number 1 student in standard 1 with this other girl, and then getting whooped in the ass by her in every single subject from then on. and when we had the 5 pm to 7 pm neighbourhood playtime, her house would be the first house i ran to.

mei, me, and baby keith!

and in kindergarten, every girl wanted to sit next to me (yes i was a popular kid when i was 5, must be the chubbyish charms *wink*) and i'd choose to sit next to her. until this other neighbour's grandmother made sure i sat next to her grandson so i could "keep an eye on him".

we drifted apart for a while in the later primary school years, and in secondary school we merely exchanged waves. but then we started hanging out again sometime in...i dont know...when boys started to be an issue. i'm glad we did. i think she once wrote in my book that we'd be friends forever.

Mei, i'm sure we will. :)

Happy 20th Birthday Mei!

happy birthday big brother!

wake me up when i'm asleep
to catch a star falling from the sky
pulled me away from hills too steep
shield me from pretense and lies

set my feet back on the track
when i seem to walk astray
be my torch when lights i lack
illuminate the right way

plant me back on solid ground
when my head's gone up too high
the care and love in you i found
it'd be a crime for me to deny

though i sometimes oversee
the things you make your responsibility
guard me, save me, teach me, love me
is what you always do for me

Thank you, kor, for all the times you stood by me, for all the scoldings you took because of me, for all the scoldings you gave to me, for all the debate we've gone through, for all that you've given me.

Happy 23rd Birthday!

ps: you should learn to smile more. look how much more photogenic i am. even if i was so much chubbier than you.

no one plays tanglung anymore!

yesterday was the midautumn festival for the Chinese, or lantern/mooncake festival, as its better known as. (i actually just found out that it was called midautumn festival, so i'm using it everywhere). i was driving rather quickly home because some irresponsible group mate of mine was bugging the hell out of me. we had to run surveys at Sunway Pyramid and 1 Utama for Marketing Research.

anyway, as i was reaching home, i drove past some of the houses in ss17 and ss14 and realised that nobody was playing with lanterns! i prayed that my mum had taken out the old lanterns from the storeroom. when i reached home, sure enough, dimly lit lanterns were hung around the clothes hanger. but only my mum was in the mood. so i joined her in lighting up the paper lanterns. suddenly all these memories start coming back to me on the days i used to play with the back neighbourhood. we'd walk around in groups to a certain haunted house at some few rows back. then we'd sit in a circle, make a bondfire and tell ghost stories. then josh's dad would creep up from behind a bush and scare the shit out of us. and there'd be one poor soul whose shirt would get burnt somehow...haha...good times....:)

the memories got my own spirits burning, so i started sending messages to people in a frantic attempt to gather a group of people to come and rekindle the flame with me. but alas, i guess when you have friends who live 50 km away, last minute invitations dont work. i did think of my schoolmates, of which half have flown to white man's land. my 2 best friends were away, one in Malacca, the other all the way in Perth. and so, my mum and i played till the last candle melted down to liquidified wax.

but i guess i realised something. i realised how much i miss my friends from school, felt like i havent been in contact with them from sometime. i miss my brother, whose ninja turtle lantern was burnt in the stomach. and while i was talking to my mum, the person i missed most was my porpor. she'd buy each of us a lantern every single year, no matter how big we grew. if she was around, i'd buy her a lantern...:)