go holiday!

haha...seela me...can't wait for hols...
apparently AirAsia giving cheap rates till June next year. Feel like going for this la...looks really relaxing...and my cousins who went for a honeymoon to Phuket called it heaven. so i wanna go! It'll really help me rewind at a time like this...haha oh well...105.7 seems to be helping too...the wonders of music...would have listened to my Norah Jones but the disc is in my car...

I believe today I feel faith
I feel a sense of assurance
I finally see the picture
I finally feel confidence

I guess today I feel hope
That it may turn out well
It may just be perfect
It will work, I can tell

I also guess today I realised
How much I need my friends
I should never have doubt
That on them I could depend

I just wanna say thanks
For just being there for me
You have no idea how much
Weaker I can actually be

But your support gave me strength
Made me beam at the face of stress
Kept me going at worst of times
Drew me back from being depressed

On saturday I'll give my all
I'll be at my best, top form
I promise you a good show
On saturday i shall perform!

thanks weng lum and julie for filling in on the MC, thanks shirlyn for waiting for me to practise, thanks hisham and rosie for coming to watch, thanks thanks thanks! Love u all so much! It's all for a good course i promise! thanks again!
Spiderman 2 is still on ok! sorry for postponing for the umpteenth time! Sunday sunday! we'll TRY our best to tau kai from karate! =)

"i told her i loved her..."

I just watched Gilmore Girls just now and as usual i get the sinking feeling in my heart. Dean...there should be more Deans in subang jaya. haha....

I once told myself that I would try
To lay off love for a long while
I vowed to myself no more guys
But I guess that was a denial

I denied the fact that I was playful
And that I'd fall again and again
Painting my history colourful
With the many shades of joy and pain

I had so many in my sight
But honestly, only few dwelled in my mind
These were the few that brought light
The few that were of the special kind

Life went on no matter what
As more memories decorated my journey
Till one day I'd reach within my heart
I'd stop and replay the memory

Some will bring me loads of laughter
While others, will draw out tears
And these will be memories of us together
Sharing smiles and conquering fears 

Today is one of those days, i guess
Where i took a walk down memory lane
I was silly and naive, i confess
At times, even downright insane

Looking back now, I laughed till i cried
Welling up, i guess, are all my emotions
I felt all warm and woozy inside
Thinking about our life devotions

Who knows when the next day will come
And i'd be remembering this very day
Then, I'd be counting the sum
Of memories I've gathered along the way

When that fateful day arrives
I'd have a 2 dimensional memory
I'd remember the day of my life
That I remember my life's history

makes sense? hmmm...nvm....
My shoebox treasure holds so much value...u guys should come to my house one day and i'd show you everything. Trust me you'd find it interesting. That shoebox will follow me to university, work, marriage...till the day I die. I'll see if the weight increases as i go along. Seriously, if any of u wanna read 'em, jus show up at my hse! =)
oh btw, Jess said the words above...not Dean...and that's after 2 years Jess did not see Rory. How often does a guy love a girl for 2 years after they break up? I'm talking teenage relationship here. Doesn't happen very often from where i come from.

treasure shoebox

u noe...i've got this shoebox filled with letters my friends used to write to me. that's rite, letters. these letters were exchanged even if we were in the same class sitting next to each other. haha those were the days. anyway, i was looking through it just now and found something really hilarious. just couldn't resist showing it to u guys...try guessing who the initials were ok? hahah still laughing here.

Hey ju, the rumours bt u & K spreading more lar... - Karen
Aiyo..how lar? die lor..but i still haven't hear yet..u help me ask them stop lar...pls.. - Julie
yup...doing so...just now lar...i was walking past the labs...then hooi lian pull me, ask whether u together with him onnot. then i say no. then she said K mailed her friend saying he's got a gf adi. so HL ask Fang (of all ppl) then...u noe lar.
oh..so thats where you were! wuz waiting 4 u until it was 2 late..aih, fang ar the trouble maker..i aso dunno wattodo now! teruk lar he..ken aso another one!
dat's why lar...i scared la that this K is becoming desperate.
yeah, i think he is..aih, dem beng! goodlah its not true but still i duwan the rumours!!
dunnolah...dun think they'll go n ask u...all come n ask me one...
aiyah..if liddat then u knoelah wat to do..thanx kar! if not i sure v. sanfu!
yupyupyup!
-N- 
 
note that every word is exactly like it is in the paper. no modifications or additions.
hahaha...sorry ju...have to malukan u a bit...haha the next post i'll put something that is at the expanse of myself la k! ahah i seriously find it farnee...tsk tsk tsk....julie julie...why la go attract so many ppl!?!? see! until i had to play messenger....had to help u put out rumours! ahahah

crispy prawn burger

Today's Physics wasn't too bad
Although I knew I could've done better
Once again I didn't try my best
Didn't start studying earlier

But to me it was an improvement
I think I learned more today
Than the past 1 week compiled together
That I'm proud to say

Today I seemed more focused
After spilling out things last night
Today I started as a new me
And things actually looked more bright

Let's see if I can make it for bio
Let's see if I'll try harder
Maybe for once, I'd take things more seriously
For once, I'd be an A scorer

haha dunno what got into me last night. just was in the mood to let everything out. anyway, made me feel a lot better this morning.

anyway, I've got a crispy prawn burger to chomp down. My stomach's grumbling. I seriously think there's somethign wrong with my metabolic rate or digestive system. It's working OT. I'm getting hungry too fast! getting sleepy too fast also...haha chow peeps!

just wonderin'

For once in a long time
My mind tonight is clear
I finally feel at rest
Finally free of fear

But an empty mind brings forth more
As i drift deeper into thoughts
It seems as though it's been a while
I brought up memories and what nots

I used to ponder during this time
About what happened during the day
Analysing it from different perspectives
Every move and word i do or say

I used to wonder what people thought
What are the impressions i gave away
Sometimes I end up regretting
My actions for that day

Guess in certain ways I was picky
A perfectionist when it came to character
I fussed about what people thought of me
And was bugged by the hatred factor

I tried my level best
To be well liked by one and all
I hate giving wrong impressions
And people to see my fall

Then I reached a phase in life
Where a crush took hold of my head
Then, the only thoughts i minded
Were the impressions by him instead

I didn't care what others think
As long as I could make things right
Whenever I was around this guy
Whenever he was in sight

Thinking about the things I did
Just trying to catch his attention
The memories I cannot get rid
Even if now I've come to realisation

I realised now that what people thought
What their impressions of me are
Should be the least of my worries
Shouldn't let it be a scar

But old habits die hard, I'd say
And once in a while I'd start pondering
How have his impressions of me changed by now
Don't need an answer...just wondering....

u know...i actually lunged into the topic of my ex relationships in the poem and i suddenly realised that my blog's too public to go into that. ahha...so anyway, just a brief summary of my point tonight. I was just wondering about my whole life i guess. As a child in kindergarten, i was popular. In primary school, i was...well liked i guess. In the first 2 years of SMKSJ, guess i was still in the limelight for a while. Yup, this is where i was in my first relationship. And these are the years where I wasn't a runner, a Leo president, a state group gymnast. I was neither. I was pretty much a simple girl just like any other inactive student there was. And yes i was well liked. I don't mean to brag, just keep reading and you'll get my point.

After that things changed a bit. I started to take part in runs and won. I got into MSSM gim and won. I gained my first post as Membership Director in form 3. It was this time where I realised no one can have all friends and no foe. To make matters worse, I started to get attracted to members of the opposite sex. haha as in head over heels kinda crushes. In the social field, I guess I was slowing down. But in the activity department however, things got more and more hectic. I got involved in more and more stuff. Olahraga, karate, performances, advertisement? ahahha...yup. Form 4 , July I got appointed as president of Leo. Once again, i added a few more foes to my list. The stress from PMR and SPM didn't help.

Now in college, still actively involved in Leo, it suddenly hit me. Back when I was a nobody, i enjoyed life more. People liked me for me. And i was happy. I don't know when I started to be someone so power crazy. I don't know when I started to want people to like me so much. But as of a couple of hours ago I think I was still that person. But right now, I suddenly see myself from a different perspective. I start to think if the people that currently call themselves my friends like me for me. And the people that respect me in Leo really do respect me. I wonder how many people have backstabbed me since i stepped into college. Well, my question for you readers tonight would be, and pls answer me as honestly as you can, have I changed since primary school or since secondary school(for those who knew me later)? For better or for worse? Am I doing the right thing by getting myslef so involved in things?

sexy naught b****y

went to Tmn SEA's and SMDJ's install. well, actually i was in Tmn SEA for less than an hour. and i paid 7 bucks for nothing, no food, no souvenir, nothing. the function hadn't even started and we had to leave for DJ. oh well, at least i met Lion Terence and Lion Ivan and they're very nice. makes me wonder if they're just as bad as Lion Chris. haha...coz all this PJ lions, i used to think it was such a luxury to have them as the leo advisors coz they seemed so committed, so involved, so concerned. Used to compare them to SJ lions and envy Leos like DJ, Assunta, TP. well, so much for envying.

SMDJ? 3 words...sexy, naughty, b****y. haha okla maybe they're not like that in person, but they sure dress like that. i should've brought my camera. Honolulu Hawaii. My my did the girls live up to the theme precisely. midriffs, micro skirts, shaking like nobody's business on stage. And u should've seen Lion Terence and Lion Chris whipping out their cameras!  I think if Lion Neoh was there he would've gone ballistic! ahahha and we wonder why the Assunta and TP always get Top and Outstanding awards. I have to hand it to them though, they're good at shaking. Their headmistress, PK and teacher advisor was right there with the Lions! talk about bold. oh well, at least i got my share of entertainment when they had the modelling show...there were topless guys!! hahah but most of them were showing their 36 bones. and fair...argh! guys, under any circumstance, should not be fair!! tanned, buffed, toned up...that's my definition of hunk! there was one guy though...cuteee...buffed! hahah but he's short. shorter than me. oh well, he's too young anyway. ;)

well, that was how my day went yesterday. wasn't too bad. had fun laughing at my members who seemed turned on by DJ's chics. i can't really rhyme these days. must be the workload, took up my my brain cells.

anyway, my kor can be really sweet. haha...i showed him the portrait of me and he replied with:

Now only I see the picture, wah... my baby sister really look like movie star.But she already got natural beauty lah, the make-over give little improvements, hehe.-Kevin

The Vulcanz won't be performing. Apparently they're like hot cakes! haha...well, have to hand it to them. I personally think they were pretty good. =) Anyway, that's replaced by a number by Farahana Azmi. For those who dunno who that is, which i think most of you dun, she's a National gymnast. From Bukit Jalil wan. so, i pre-warn u guys, my performance with Lyn would most probably be nothing like hers ok? and she'll be performing b4 us so, erm, dun expect too much la from us ok? =)

Complaining about my Lion tonight would be very "routine" so i choose to avoid that. Besides, it only makes me more miserable. so, to move on to lighter things, I guess I'll say this morning was quite hilarious. Puv's car couldn't start probably due to the rain, and the engine being cold and all that. no idea what he was tyring to explain to me. anyway, i drove instead. Then I parked at the usual spot in 14. Puv brought an umbrella, so we walked from there to the bridge under it. unfortunately, his so called big umbrella couldn't fit the both of us. so we ended up with soggy shoulders, my left and his right. =)

ok...not exactly my best rendition of a comical story but i guess i'm not in the mood. I'll be signing off now. Gotta study my Physics. will start rhyming again when I clear my head up a bit. chowz...

picture perfect

when the road is smooth
no bumpy rides
no winding roads
no obstacles
then life is picture perfect

when the path is clear
no fallen trees
no creeper plants
no outstanding roots
then living would be correct

when the sky is blue
no dark clouds
no lightning streaks
no thunder booms
then breathing would be exact

but the roads are bumpy
and the path isn't clear
the sky may get gloomy
and arouse fear
because life isn't a picture....

mistakes cannot be erased
and neither can difficulties
setbacks will be faced
and so will worries

and yet we go on day after day
yet people succeed over and over
because out of the challenges we face today
we gain experience, and a step further

wow! impressive eh? ahahha so tell me...is this pro standard yet? Rudyard Kipling enough?? ahahha and guess where i got the inspiration from?...
dun laff....this:


haha...did a makeover in coll today and i am very fascinated by their Adobe Photoshop prog that allows them to clear every spot, blemish and freckle on my face....hahah...they could even erase Jing Mein's ring from her finger! the wonders of technology....
but then again, now i no longer envy models so much la...haha...

anyway my point is, no matter how perfect they may make me look on picture, i'm still me in real life, spots, blemishes, pimples, dark eye circles and eveything. And i still gotta live life the way i am. meaning to say, no matter what Lion Chris throws at me, or makes me do, or forces me to attend, I'm gonna do it as though it's the way I am. I shall not let him spoil my college life (as though it has not been spoiled enough but, i am NOT complaining...) just because he thinks he can. I formed Leo Club of Taylor's College Omega because i want to and i have fun doing so. so be it!

quick one...

ok, just to note down what happened so that today leaves its mark in my life...=) no rhymes tonight, sorry. too darn tired...

• my LAN is officially OVER yea! ahaha no more moral....no more sejarah...no more norah...no more ari! yes yes yes....
• today yan nee and jing mein went and did some makeover thing they were promoting at coll and somehow, i'm now very keen on it too! ahahha it's jus cool la. and cheap too! but then, if i were to do that tmr, that would mean i'd look like a clown in my leo meeting...oh heck! i'd do it anyway...tmr last day of promotion=)
• jus now had dinner in Hisham's hse cooked by Hisham, assisted by Lyn and Ju. ahhah...and it was fun! The food was...well, it was good. honest! but like what Jin Aun said, it's the company that counts. so yea...the company was great! as usual Jin Aun was the live wire....=) but anyway, thanks for tonight u guys!
• tmr is my VIVA. it's scary...but i somehow think my Leo Meeting's scarier. what if no members show up??? sigh....
• I was supposed to study physics tonight. But i'm beat. so it's off to bed for me. tmr i'll study....

ok...that's it...there's somethign wrong with my photo host...something abt me exceeding the daily usage quota so links to the phots are temporarily inaccessible till the usage drops down again. did u understand what u just read? ahahha i don't...nvm...will find another host soon. photobucket maybe. Ju's using that rite? =) oklah go first.......ZZZzzzZZzzzzzz

during mr chin's period again

ok...so i got bored...sue me...ask any G5 student and they'll tell u why ppl can't possibly focus in this old man's class. I'm telling u time stand still during Maths. It takes ages for one minute to pass...and guess who's his favourite student?? yours truly....have no idea why also...i dun score in maths...so beats me...

anyway, this poem has no specific recipient...neither does it reflect on me ok? was just writing it for fun...played around with the rhyming words and came up with this....

I close my eyes
Blocking out every sound and sight
Can't take any more lies
Can't take it each time he denies
He'll never be able to see my plight

I close my eyes
So many questions left unanswered
All of my who's, what's and why's
He'll never be able to realise
I'll always be left unheard

I close my eyes
He will always say let it be
But no matter how hard he tries
He never seem to hear my cries
He'll never be able to understand me

sad tone eh? ahahha dun worry...i ain't sad...was just plain bored....=)

I cannot cry...

today it seemed to me as though
a chronology of drawbacks and upsets
everything either hurt or disappointed
angered or brought up regrets
 
i thought a jog would do me good
but as i paced i felt heavier
my chest started to tighten up
and i was getting breathless sooner
 
thoughts that were supposed to be eliminated
were bombarding me, drumming my head
i got sadder and sadder as i thought of today
till a point i felt like dropping dead
 
i couldn't continue my jog like this
i needed to let it all out
going to the mini hills appealed to me
standing on the hill, i wanted to shout
 
i laughed as though i made a joke
the truth was my tears were welling up
so many are dependant on me right now
so much i am needed to give up
 
as i poured out my troubles one by one
a huge lump formed in my throat
i ducked down, and calmed myself
i'm not alone in this same boat
 
breathing in deeply, i controlled myself
i must stand up and give it one more try
i can't break down now, i'd lose my strength
no matter what, i cannot cry...
 
it started off with a bad hair day. my hair's growing like wild creepers. even the wax doesn't help. then i had to get my muet results on the first period. band 5. i dun understand? was i that bad? i mean, the band 5's not the thing, it was my marks. 238/300. that's low. real low. ashwin had to rub it in that Ramu beat me. fine. then i was harassed by my leos. misscalls shown everytime i checked my phone. and messages were nonstop.
 
1.20 pm, Lion Chris pulled into Taylor's. after that was history. 1 hour, without any interruption by other leos, with no where to escape, i've never been sooo eager to go to the sam office at 2.15 pm. he nags, he lectures, he still doubts my capabilities, and he tells me to have more initiative. fine. we'll just see how well the install turns out. but i have to say him putting me down is somewhat of a challenge to me, thus boosting my semangatz to do better.
 
Mum, wasn't around so i had to walk home. in the hot afternoon sun. haha but lucky for me i caught Jolvin and he sent me home la. hehe but by the time i reached home my head was throbbing. the last time i had such a headache was in form 5. It's stress inflicted, i hypothesized. looks like i've reached a theory. hipothesis dibuktikan benar.
 
2 rounds round the lake is...indescribably....disappointing. pathetic even. what? i could do 15 km but lost steam at 2.4 km? nvm that. up on the hill with lyn n ju. i did cry. or almost did. as in, give me 5 more seconds of shouting and tears would've started to stream down my cheeks. sigh...
 
the stress is mad. i love leo. i love being the pres. i love organizing events. why issit any different now?
 
mum just came in and took my Challenge Trophy away. this year's Majlis Anugerah Kokurikulum is coming. marking the end of my glory. another name will be printed under mine on that trophy. i'm officially yesterday's news.  just for remembrance here's to former pride and glory.
 

Leave me ALONE!

Today I took the final straw
I can't believe he went so far
What exactly is my flaw
That he somehow finds me below par
 
I've never felt so insulted
So accused of something not true
What the hell was expected?
What is it he wants me to do?
 
To sound my members is one thing
I wonder what wrong did they create
He should've just given me a ring
And directly sounded me instead
 
Criticising me to william is another
He's not even my member for God's sake!
He expects william to be the freakin' reporter!
But he's down right being fake!
 
To challenge my capabilities is the last!
He thinks that I cannot take it!
How does he think I managed in tha past?
If it wasn't the fact that I am, in every way, fit!
 
He thinks I'm not taking things seriously
Well news flash, Lion, what do you assume
I have been doin till I'm so freakin' busy
So, hear this, I'm gonna resume!
 
I'm not gonna step down
Just because you think I should
Hello! This club? It was me that found
And I gave it all I could
 
My club, I intend to play by my rules
And I think I'm experienced enough
This ain't no longer your school
Note this, I don't expect u to be tough
 
Let me have some say in my function
Let me do some things my way
And when things go in a smooth procession
You can thank me on that day!
 
I'm so sick and tired of being fussed around by Lion. Who the hell does he think he is?? He's supposed to advise not nag and pressure and harrass. Though i'd appreciate it if he did neither...not even advise. Just leave me alone!  the installation will turn out great I swear! He needs to have more faith in me! I know Lion FC would. Lion FC would have encouraged me. Lion FC would have let me do things my way. I miss Lion FC dearly....=(

old times...

was just going through my pics that day. Came across the file named hari graduasi. haha these are my old school treasures i would say. so nice...miss school.... 
  

my all time fav teacher in smsj. Pn khoo. "I'm a dinosaur" she'd always say when we talk about her age. haha...loved it when she thought literature...she some how made all the characters of The Pearl come alive. 
  

haha i used to give her my forlorn face whenever she quizzes the class after lessons. gawd my history sucked big time! "oklah i wun ask Karen since she looks so forlorn" yes! it worked...all the time...=)  
   

"this karen siah and lok weng lum ar! cannot stop talking!" it wasn't me! weng lum spoke more! ahahha but then again, who didn't...bio was freakin boring man! and since my dear friend pei jien drifts off to lalaland every bio period, who else was I gonna talk to? 
  

remember very clearly her telling us "actually i also don like to teach moral. today free period lah!" hahah...she rocked! loved her too...though passing was pretty much unheard of to me. wait...i passed 2 monthly tests! 
  

yup...i was actually that close to the upstairs ppl. haha...my mum's office ma. Pn Kasma still calls me Sharon i dunno why. She remembered Kevin very well. why's Karen so hard to say? Cik Hooi was like my other mummy. in fact, all the teachers were. Come to think of it, most my teachers don have daughters! ahah no wonder they looked after me as if i was their own! ahahha my mum always said that come sports day, they think of karen siah. come rape cases n all in the papers, they worry about karen siah walking home. awwwww......=) 
  

weren't we the hottest group of teachers' kids!?!?! 5 usaha rocked wei! isolated from all the other science classes we rocked! ahahah I miss these gurls! ahh the times we had! 
 
how come i didn't take a picture with pn lim? ahahah darn! " why u all talk so much? don likee physics drop la! u drop i happier! drop lah!" the motivation she gave all of us...sigh...and she wonders why we don pay attention to her....she even accused me of cheating when i did well! how could she! I owe it all to Pn Chong! hmmph! ahahha...
 
many other teachers and friends i'd like to feature but no space la...Pn Chua, and her curssive writing and her very very patient teaching. Pn suraya, form teacher...how many times did she actually stomp out of our class? Pn nornajmah...ouch! her voice!! esp when she shrieks "karen! apa kedatangan hari ni?" ahahah....
 
as we go on...we remember...all the times we...had together...
and as our lives change...come whatever...we will still be...friends forever....

Why i decided to come back n blog summore b4 i retired for the night:
 

• was jus reading thru esther's blog jus now and I now find my blog soooooo reserved. as in i'm like this mysterious rhyming person who's thoughts go that deep.
• then i went into jolene's site, coz i promised to link her up to mine, and i now find that i am so reserved. as in my life! why don't I have such interesting tales to tell like this gurl? ahahha thought i was active enough. apparently, not crazy enough.
• i'm still worried about my installation (pls read the tagboard under the chatterbox and try ure best to make it k?) i really wonder if it'll turn out alright
• subsonciously, i am worried about my freakin' bio essay which i forgot the word count was 800-1000, i thought it was 600-800 so i wrote oni 695 words. but i dun seem to be doing anything about it now. will do so tmr. i promise!

sleepyyyyy....think i'll go to sleep now la....tmr, after i'm done with all my work, i'll go put more stuff on my blog....make it a little more interesting....=)

bro's going back so soon!

I thought he'd be here longer
Time passed faster than I expected
And I couldn't have been busier
To many things I was committed
Tomorrow he's flying off
Seem a little too soon to me
What happened to everything we spoke of?
All the plans we made initially
It was way easier planning things out
Sending emails about things we planned to do
Much of it we never came about
And I'm to blame it's true
Suddenly I feel like I was so busy
That I barely settled down
But I had to eventually
And that's when I begin to recount
All the chances I had to blow
All the times I gave a miss
Kept thinking the process of time was slow
One day my chances will cease to exist
 
hahah...ok a bit toooo dramatic.....haha just exaggerated the ending a little to rhyme. =) but the main point here is my bro's going back =(. oh well...till november ni...still...will miss that "commander" of mine.
 
Oh I need help...what do u peeps think I'm more suited for? psychology or  physiotherapy? Kinda can't decide here....since sport science is out of my league. gimme ure opinions k?
 

laugh laugh laugh....

Tonight Jin Aun made me laugh so hard I swear I got sticthes! haha...anyway, was nice to see so many ppl again. like joel wong, bing chien, allyson, jhun ming, casey (wait i see this guy pretty often), thim zing, and eric?? woh when was the last time i laid my eyes on him! ahahha
 
I guess today things seemed brighter
As I got more things done
The chances of a good install seemed better
Than when I had just begun
 
My classmates seemed more lively too
Somehow today's mood was right
Though my teacher thought we're worst than the zoo
It just grew on our delight
 
King Arthur was not too bad
But I can't deny I was yawning away
Though, there was one part I found pretty sad
Oh well, spent time with my bros today!
 
Gim class was da bomb!
Seriously dancing is the remedy
Where did all my energy come from?
Haha who cares! beats me!
 
Then the yum char session was great!
I think uni life is pretty inetersting
Listening to what Jin Aun said
Hell, I still can't stop laughing!
 
Today goes down in history
Had a lot of fun I should say
Makes parting seem more easy
Knowing we'd get together and catch up some day! 
 
Thanks Hisham for the chaffeuring tonight! hahah Yupyup...after all absence makes the heart grow fonder! ahah...seriously, I look forward to the day when all of us peeps meet together again like 2 years from now or so...and just recount the stuff we did! Gawd I can just imagine us laughing our heads off at everything and anything! In fact, I can imagine Han Yang doing so right now! ahahah afterall, he laughs his head off all the time! ahahha =)

a good run...

Many mishaps happened today
Things didn't seem to be going right
Nothing turned out the correct way
Leaving me in plight

I felt myself getting tensed
As problems popped up one by one
No way i could make pretense
And assume that there was none

The rain stopped just in time today
Leaving little puddles on the ground
Raindrops on tree leaves didn't stay
When slight breezes blew around

The air was slightly cool
No burning sun to bring up heat
The perfect weather was my tool
To work up a sweat nothing can beat

I paced myself really well
Channeled my energy into my run
Eventually the weight of my burden fell
I knew the fun has just begun

Someone was running at my pace
A tad faster than me actually
A smile crept up on my face
As I felt a race coming on me

My pulse quickened with my pace
I felt the strength in my feet
It felt good to be in a race
Today I won't accept defeat

Uphill comes and I pumped harder
Striding up in front of him
I was getting quicker and quicker
No way my spirit would dim

Just as i thought I was taking lead
He came in synchronised steps by me
Sweat formed on my forehead in beads
The challenger then overtook me

But that didn't last very long
My competitiveness dies hard
Losing today would just seem wrong
Victory I must regard

We went back and forth for 2 rounds
Neither him nor I stayed behind
Upen reaching the end I found
This guy was playing with my mind

I broke into a sprint to mark my end
And thought I had won him today
But as I waited victoriously by the bend
This guy passed me and went on his way

He didn't stop or start to recline
And then I think that today's fun
Was more of his instead of mine
Oh well, today was a good run!

I can swear that a good run can clear your mind of anything! especially when you're in a race! hhaha! gawd I miss Sports Day! Now the races I go to are more of racing on my own, enduring under the sun, and hoping to complete the course as soon as possible. There ain't no thrill like crossing the finishing line a second after or before the other person. =)

head up high!

My comment system still ain't working! why!? Seems like it's me against the world this time around. Well, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going!

Work is piling up again
Never seem to have an end
My frustration I try to contain
On myself I must depend

Sub-consciously I realise
Partly it's what i asked for
I'm now paying the price
Since work seems like a chore

Guess life in college
Is no place for a bum like me
It's a race for knowledge
And I'm coming up slowly

Time to pick up my pace
I never know until I try
This ain't no tortoise's race
Gotta keep that head up high!

notice how my poems are all motivation based these days? haha...am trying to inspire myself. Dunno if there's any sense in that, or if there's any effect. But it worked for running, when I tell myself "i'm not tired" i really did not feel tired. So let's just apply the same theory to work here. =)

quick one...

Just a short one b4 i allow my bro to use it. I gotta disconnect my line so my bro can use the dial up in his room. haven't done networking yet...=)

Feeling sleepy even at eleven
No longer reluctant to go offline
Guess I freed myself from all hope
Of getting to talk with you online

I no longer constrain myself
To certain life expectations
Instead I now play by fate
Not tied down by constrictions

Feelings no longer take hold
I now control them pretty well
Couldn't care less what happens next
As long as in my sadness i don't dwell

I look at things from a different light
And by doing so, I'm happier
Guess by accepting most of life
My satisfaction is greater

My attitude towards all things negative
Like work and my emoness
Has now more optimism to it
More cheerful, with a tad perkiness

I can say I have tonnes of work
But I'm handling it okay
I'll make sure my marks increase
My installation turns out perfect
I'll slot in cycling in my schedule
Whatever it is, I'll do it my way
And after all that, I'll still have a happy day!

ok...that's for today's post.
Leo Club (O) Taylor's College, Installation cum formation, 31st July 2004, 4.50 pm, Taylor's college. I expect you peeps to come! I've given u enough early notice! so I hope I've booked u guys already ok! =)

back...darker than ever, bolder than ever...

I'm back from PD! Just reached home not long ago...Once again my spirits are lifted so high, they're on cloud 9! I swear, the place, the atmosphere, the semangatz! Everytime I go and return, I raise more determination in myself that I will one day swim, cycle and run just like these ppl...and hopefully just like stephanie chock! plus, I'll get one of those roof racks where I'll put my bike on top and go cruisin' down the highway! yingz!! haha...this time my soul inspiration is my very own Korz! awwwwww ahhaha....seriously, he is the living example of when hard work pays off. =)

what now?

Thinking back on the things i've done
It seems kinda silly to me now
I compared my actions to the last time
The last time i made myself a vowe

I remember swearing to myself
Never to fall so easily again
For what I'd expect it to bring
It brought nothing but pain

I remember making myself a promise
That I would think twice before i act
That is to avoid any misjudgement
That might just become a fact

I told myself that I'd be more careful
The next time someone steals my heart
I'd make sure I don't say things
That would make 2 friends part

Then again, I also told myself
If I ever found another
For at that moment I was pretty sure
That he was like no other

But apparently I did find someone
Who seemed to top the last one
And failing to keep to all my vowes
I found that I could not run

I didn't know how wise I was
When I decided to let him know
I overlooked the consequences
Of letting my feelings show

The rest, I guess, was nothing new
The after math, I've been through before
And though now I stand, all smiles to him
It'll take a while to cure the sore

Friends of mine think it's no big
Since it happened all too quickly
Because the last time I confessed
Was after a year of waiting patiently

I, too, thought that it was too soon
But I said it out anyway
I have to say I had no idea why
But it's too late to regret today

I've sort of let things be for now
To see what will happen next
I've got far too many cares on my mind
To make my life more complex

Come to think about it
I will lay back, and I know how
I enjoyed life more when I was love free
So, my friends what activity now?? =)

Yup...c'mon peeps!! Rock climbing!!! When when?? drats! if only i weren't so busy! hahaha....next weekend sounds fine to u all? Saturday we go rock climbing...then watch spidey 2...then sunday bkt gasing! who's with me!??! oh..and august hols? I say we go do some biking! haha...Karen's got a new bike! Karen's got a new bike! =)

Well, I'm off to PD now...see u guys tmr night! Wish me luck! no...change that...wish me tonnes and tonnes of fun! =)

Bkt merah tri...

Almost forgot. Wanna see pix??

Click on the letter M under the "listing by name"

Look for Melody Tan. she's my swimmer. =) You can also look for Siew Ghee's pix, under K and Guan Lim under N.

Notice how they spelled my name? I hope none of you make that mistake! ahahha =)

Busy busy bee...

BuzzzZZzzzZ...hahah really feel like a bee! sooooo busy! So much so i've probably burnt any poetic brain cell there was in muh head today. so no rhymes! =)

Firstly, LEO! Lion, as much as I respect you and appreciate your club sponsoring my club, I really really can't take the way u nag me and pester me and expect me to tell u everything!! I can't stand the way you drag my meetings over an hour longer than what it should be especially when i'm known to have short and brief meetings! I can't stand the way you play by the rules sooooo much! Lastly i cannot stand the fact that I'm so helpless when ure around! I can't say anything to go against you...i can't get my message across to you...i can't do nuts! haha not like Lion's ever gonna read this anyway, but feels good that others can. =)

And my installation is in less than a month's time! and there's still SO much to do! venue's not confirmed so that holds back printing of tickets n prog book, sending out of invitation and sponsorship letters. Uniform's still in the process. Badges, food, performances, the installation itself! The BIGGEST prob is the shortage of members!! there's just too few!! Lion says i need to start projects in order to attract members. So why aren't the directors at work!?!? I swear my old BOD was waaaaaaaaay better!

Then there's school work. Dumb, doink, dong dong LAN project! waste of time, waste of my print quota (which ran out today), waste of my free period (Bio teacher was absent but spent the free period doing LAN), waste of papers! And VIVA? How to prepare myself for that!? I don't read the papers, which i know i should. Just can't seem to bring myself to do so. And my lunch period was taken away by Physics. I have this streak of worry on my forehead that I might fail chem and physics again but yet I'm not doing much about it. Once again, can't seem to bring myself to do so. Bio Human Awareness 2nd essay, 16th. Maths common test 13th. argh!!!

Then there's my friends. Julie, i'm yet to watch spidey with ya. Gene, yet to go out with u and the other RSGs. Fookie and Han Yang, still didn't treat u guys for your birthdays. Jackie's farewell dinner tmr night also i'm not attending coz going for gim. can't skip la...skipped 2 weeks adi. Then i wanna go rock climbing also with the peeps i used to go with...haih!

Then there's my own personal fun. PD tri...another weekend gone. Come to think of it I have not settled down at home on a saturday or sunday for almost a month adi. My weekends are all taken away. and it's fun in a way, to have a little vacation every week, but it sux in the sense that Monday's always right the next day! And my new bike! there it is sitting there staring at me, ready for me to take for a spin! but no! been tooo busy to do so. And u know what? gone are my afternoon naps! since leo meetings and assignments and homework has taken away my afternoons. (these are the ones i do at college). My evenings are devoted to my jogs. Yeap i am determined to improve myself. At night? i do the ones i didn't do in college. Then it's online time. Which i admit i spend a lot of time on.

And in the wee hours of the night, I face my blog. =) Here i blog away. Eventhough I'm physically tired. Mentally also in a way. But I have to blog. Time rushes by so quickly that it is this time that I get to breathe. Once i sleep, the next thing I hear is the alarm clock, and the cycle repeats. So i tend to prolong my hours at night. Just to salvage the peace n tranquility. But u know what this results in? Droopy eyelids the next morning. which also means not 100% focused in class. which also leads to not so good results. sigh...

I really have to rearrange my life. Get my priorities right. But it seems so hard! There's sooooo many things i wanna do, but are overshadowed by the number of things i hafta do. see the difference? sigh....

oh btw, thanks for all your concern regarding my further education. I'm cool with it. Just one thing i'd like to make clear. I ain't upset about not going overseas as long as my bro. I'm upset about having to depend on my parents. meaning to say not being able to obtain a freakin' scholarship. in other words, I'm less successful than him in the education sector. argh...it's a complicated mind i have up there. I suggest you try not to understand it. i don't either...=)

times...

Today was somewhat unplanned
Had no idea it would be like this
But am glad for how well it went
Yet another moment of bliss

Time spent with the friends i have
Doesn't matter who, when, how or why
Just cherishing whatever time we have left
Before farewell bidding comes by

Makes me wonder about our friendship
How it started out the way it did
To the moment I lost my grip
And now, a friend that i admit

Never occured to me the ending
Would actually turn out this way
It was all without a planning
All uncalled for just like today

And just like today I'm glad
That we managed to work things out
The situation threatened to turn bad
But now there's nothing to worry about

Seems a little strange to be talking to you
About a friend of yours that drifted away
When here I am feeling kinda blue
When I compare our friendship now with the first day

I know there's been a little space
A little gap that I have created
It is something I've learned to face
Though I wonder if it was fated

I wonder if I had kept things away
Left certain things unknown to you
Would the situation be as it is today?
Was I wrong for being true?

But if it was fate that played it's part
Then what had happened, happened for a reason
Probably was meant to show my heart
And experience the whole progression

Guess these things are better left unanswered
What if's are better left unheard
Time is meant to be played forwards
For us to treasure times backwards

yup...things happen for a reason...that's what I always say. Guess sometimes there's no such thing as a right move or a wrong move...at least when feelings are concerned. Coz there's no fault in a feeling. why do i sound so philosophical? ahah it's my emo hour i guess. ahah...that time of the night...b4 i sleep where my emo generator functions. =) anyway, if ure reading this, jus wanna say forkroads happen in life all the time. but times and memories remain. and if it's any consolation, every time and memory is worthwhile. am i makin any sense? hahah...g'nite readers! =)

The Supreme Team Mountain Climbers!

haha...jus wanted an exaggerated team name...=)

When nature calls...

Trekking up the steep hill
Working up a nice good sweat
There's no better way to chill
Nothing that goes cooler than that!

Climbing higher with every step
Aim crystal clear in mind
The view of the peak had me trapped
Made me leave my worries behind

Lost my energy once in a while
But friends helped me regain
My conscience told me I'm no child
To give up I had to refrain

Inhaling in mountain fresh air
Re-energized me after I'm beat
It was breathtaking to be up there
To be standing on the very summit

I drew in a long deep breath
I took in every detail of the scenary
The world that once seemed so indepth
Now seemed so little to me

Complications no longer exists
Everything broken down to simplicity
All cares were taken off my lists
Made everything seemed so easy

Now, back down here on lower ground
The world enlarged about a thousand times
Problems lost, I once again found
Taunting my name in chimes

One by one, I'll break them down
Till I get rid of every pain
Step by step I'll climb this 'mountain'
Till the world is small again

yup...being up on the summit, looking down at everything the size of pin-pricks...felt as though the world was in my hands. I could do anything. But snapping back to reality I realised I can't. Oh well, the least i could do was climb the uphill step by step. I'll get there one day. =)

My mum n dad jus told me that they can't allow me to study abroad. It's too expensive. I won't deny I feel slightly disappointed. But i really don't mind studying locally. Not at all. It's just the feeling that bugs me. What feeling? well, when my bro gets to go and I don't. When my bro gets to go for FREE and I don't. When my bro gets to go for free, for 3 years, with excellent results...and i don't. I can't get results like his. I can't get a scholarship like his. So i most definitely can't go. Mum n dad promised me one year though. But it's not the same. It's not earned like my brother. Mum's just trying to be fair. And I can't help but feel annoyed that she has to be fair to me. I take it as pity. She pities me. The child that wasn't the heir scholar. Honestly, I feel angry that i have to depend on their funding. Someone like Lyn deserves to go. I can only pray that she gets the chance to. As for me, I've long accepted the fact that I ain't of that level. Which was why I didn't mind studying locally. But like i said, it's the feeling.

wishes...

HiEhIe!!

Not really in the mood to rhyme today...oklah...the rhymes just aren't flowing in tonight...maybe coz it's late...and i'm excited...and i'm hungry? aahahha nah...Kim Gary filled me to the brim! hehe...anyway...got a few wishes to sum very special ppl out there! =)

[>] HaPpY bIrThDaY HiShAm!!! so sorry i wun be here to greet u at the airport...ure probably on the plane right now anyway...=) but sorry anyway...will see u when i come back and when ure free...=)

[>] ByE nAv!! Sorry couldn't spend much time with ya while ure here! not entirely my fault! ahha if u did not con me for 1 week i probably would've seen u once more! ahaha...oh well, it's ok...most likely gonna be chatting with ya tmr night ahhaahha...=)

[>] Enjoy gim class, my fellow gymnasts! ahahah this is the 2nd week i'm skipping adi...according to Mrs Khaw's caculations i should have lost 7.2% of my flexibility adi...oh well...it's not like i have that much flexibility to lose anyway. ahhaha...RSG here!

[>] WeLcOmE to all the new a levels students! also to those who jus started whatever course u just started... ahah actually this has nothing gotta do with me...but oh well...jus to welcome them into the college/higher education world! after 6 months i'm pretty sure ure brains are quite karat di...good luck in 'defrosting' them! ahah

that's it i guess...just to let u peeps know i'll be off to Gunung Ledang tmr! honestly, I'm quite scared. I'm not a frequent camper...i've never climbed some mountain...my bagpack weighs a tonne...and I'm going with a group of super-adventurous ppl!! I'm soooooo sorry if i slow u guys down k!?!? afterall, what's the purpose of being the baby of the group =) haha...I still have no idea what's in store for me. neither do I have any idea how i'm gonna lug my wan tan (1 tonne) bagpack up! it's sooooooo heavy!!!

oh well, we'll see if i come back in one piece! see you peeps on sunday!!=)