quarrelsome queen

i remember the time i used to work in Tumble Tots. And on weekday mornings, they had this workshop thing or whatever they called it, and it is pretty much like any other preschool to me. I personally don't see the necessity in parents sending their kids there for it for such a high price. but i guess as long as they paid, i get paid.

anyway, the kids learnt the alphabets of Letterland. their songs are quite catchy, i used to hum them when i'm back home. yes, i hummed nursery songs =). anyway, every letter had a character and an action. it was quite silly watching the munchkins acting it out.

Q was for Quarrelsome Queen and the kids had to frown and wiggle their lips to show anger. and there was this very very adorable little indian boy (yes yes, me and my indian boys) who did the cutest impersonation of Quarrelsome Queen ever! because while he struggles to wiggle his lips, he wiggled his butt as well. haha! and he also had the silliest mood swings! not the good mood bad mood kind. if he felt like it, he'd talk to me in English. If not, Hindi. Hindi! haha throw my some mandarin boy! i don't know no Hindi!:)

now as much as all those nonsensical ramblings are my way to avoid the topic, it is very much related. first off, I have been rather quarrelsome lately. i seem to pick fights with a lot of people. My mum's got it, my brother (in Perth mind you), and my friends. i don't know if the world is really against me on this one, or that i'm just being difficult. and it is not PMS, coz that just passed.

for as long as i remember, i have always been rather willful. i always had to be the one who won in the end on most occassions. and as a kid, i kinda always did. but then i grew, and i became more tolerant. i, like my folks often said about themselves, mellowed down. my circle of friends grew too big for me to win in every dispute i had. and i love my friends. all of them. i take pride in being called "the more sociable of the Siahs".

but just these few days i feel like i don't want to be the one who gave in again. i just don't feel like being the one who backed down and called truce. i haven't been up and sunny recently, and i guess my ego kinda fed on these little victories. i have my reasons, i think. but i typed them all out last night and my connection bailed on me. so this morning, let's just say i won't blame the "Bachelor of Commerce" anymore. it was a choice that i myself made with no brainwashing whatsoever. And it doesn't matter whatever took place prior to my decision. in the end, i still made that choice and i'll stick by it till i graduate.

but i had time to reflect, and seeing that i can come up with a post like this, i guess i'm cured. i'll be more accomodating now, more forgiving, and more myself.

to those who got on my bad side, i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.

i'm sorry.

feelin' low

it's not gonna happen.
i'm not going for AXN Challenge...
i'm so disappointed.
i wanted to go.

he said we couldn't get the equipments in time. so we won't be going this year. and i was looking forward to it.

this sux. i wanna go for AXN. i really do. :(

my porpor fell down today. fell backwards, knocked her head on a flower pot. there was blood. lots of it. my yehyeh got their neighbour to send them to a nearby clinic. they called me to fetch them. when i went there i was shocked to see her condition. there was a huge patch of gauze soaked in yellow lotion and blood covering a huge lump behind her head. her shirt was bathed in blood. she smelled of blood. she seemed a bit traumatised herself. my yehyeh was trying to keep things calm, but i could see he was worried as well. she's fine now. very weak and shaken though. she lost a lot of blood. her wound needed 2 stitches.

today's just low. darn low.

and you know what's the worst thing? after all that's happened, all i can think about right now is how nice it would be if someone was here to comfort me. someone who knows me through and through, and knows just what to say to make me feel better. i can't shut him out...

"we go where no one dares, we do what no one can"

Great tagline. Punchy, eye-catching, intimidating.


now that I'm done with powerman i can finally remove the countdown for it. That leaves only AXN Challenge left. that's right! only one more race to go!

i was browsing through the 2004 photo gallery...and just by the power of sight...i'm officially freaked out. Excited...but freaked out. Sure i've always longed for it. But loads of doubts are clouding my mind right now.

what if i can't pull through?
what if i got injured and become a burden to the rest?
what if i was too unfit to continue?
what if i needed to be carried?

no! i don't think i can bear that! you guys may not know this about me (then again maybe you do) but i would bite back tears, grit my teeth and clench my fists just to refuse any form of help from others during an adventure like this. especially from boys. yes i'm an egoistic woman. you can ask anyone who was in my watch in YAC 15 OBS 2001. i practically loathed the guys who offered me assistance during the expeditions. but i loathed one person in particular. it was a she. scenario went like this:

scene: climbing up a terrain in the jungle
female: eh somebody help Karen up.
me: it's ok i can do it on my own.
female: shut up and just let someone help you.
me: i said i can do it on my own!
female: guys just pull the damn girl up.
me: No!* glares icily at guys*

scene 2: hot seat
instructor: ok Karen's turn.
female: I think she's too competitive. she should learn to tone down.
[some time later]
instructor: now ***'s turn.
me: she probably doesn't realise this but she bosses people around.

i swear i could've shoved my mud caked shoe into her mouth! yea man...it was war within Kinabalu watch. and she sleeps beneath me in the dorm? darn girl.

anyway, back to the topic. I'll do whatever it takes to complete the race with minimal help. i'd be giving help. yea! i can be tough. we're all equal. it's a team! no giving face to the young girl!

powerman results are out!

looks like i didn't do too bad...:)

and isaiah did really well! he's on a roll!!

congrats congrats to all powerman duathletes!!

thanks Esther for coming to my rescue...you know what boredem does to people...muahah! and yes...Friendster surfing is not weird...i repeat...not weird. :)

Purple girl strikes back!

I've always enjoyed Malakoff/Powerman races. For one thing, they've got all these hot hunks on hot bikes *grin*. For another, a big portion of my active friends circle consists of duathletes and triathletes. And it is only at these races do i get to meet these fitness freaks. And they're a whole lot of fun to be around with!

But the main reason why these races are so downright addictive is because of the atmosphere it gives. It's not the same as that of normal road races, whereby it starts in the wee hours of the morning, and everyone wears a gloomy sleepy appearance. there's just a sense of sportmanship, an energy radiating from every single person in duathlons and tris. It doesn't matter whether they're there to win or there for the first time. everyone just seem so lively and upbeat during these races. i mean, c'mon, check out the bikes! how can you not be motivated by the sight of them! some of these bikes cost a car!

I was in my purple suit again. I got a lift from Isaiah today. His dad went and borrowed a friend's Pajero just to accomodate our bikes. hehe...*Thanks Mr Kee!* We reached pretty early in my opinion, but already there were cyclists and runners warming up here and there. Parked our bikes into the transition area and started warming up. I met Terence who came up to me and said he's been to galnexdor. haha sweet...it's so rewarding meeting a reader, ya think?

I finally met Jeffrey who was willing to do the team relay on such short notice *thanks yea!* and i met some other regular kakis. Including this lil angel (top). I saw her at PD Tri doing the sprint as well. Apparently she was in putrajaya last last sunday as well. All this at aged 13, mind you! Now tell me you don't feel ashamed! ahhaha...she was very sweet. i spoke to her, found out she's from Kinrara school. Forgot to ask for her name though...oops.

Finally started off at 7.50 am, after the inidividuals and the relay teams. the 5 km stretch was a very straightforward loop. i don't know if i was slow or the route was >5km. First leg ~ 31'04". Someone cheered for me. Not sure who it was. I think another reader as well. she went "Go Karen!" *if you read this, thanks! was a great help!* Oh and apparently, i came in 2nd this leg.

The cycling was actually pretty enjoyable. Though the hills were built to kill!! and my monitor bailed on me at the 12th km. funny, i thought i was moving that slow to remain at my 12th km for so long. don't know what happened. doesn't matter. i think i improved a bit. expected to do worse but i guess a little encouragement goes a long way. and i had many little gestures of support to sustain me throughout the 30 km. :) see...another reason why i like these races. they're so supportive. second leg ~1:12'37". by this time i was probably number 8 or 9. A good 5 or 6 people overtook me in the cycling. In short, my cycling sux.

running 5 km after a cycling for over an hour was always such a chore. my legs have very slow adaptation rates. hehe...it takes me a while to get my legs orientated to running again. but i notice this time around i was able to maintain a fairly consistent pace. in the last sprints, i usually lose steam in the last leg. overtook roughly 3-4 women sprinters. the same malay girl who cheered in the first leg was cheering for me again. yea~! running's my game! last leg ~ 32'50".

[total ~ 2:16'32"]

didn't take any pictures of myself. hopefully Malakoff did though. hehe...

i saw what the noise is about!

stomp!

let's just say if i had missed it for anything at all, i would never forgive myself....

wanted to write more but something just spoiled my mood. i'm not very good in expressing anger...so i shall not.

anyway i have a race tomorrow. so sleep sounds like a better idea right now than rant.

good night.

what am i supposed to say

what am i supposed to say

when i mean to say i'm sorry

that i haven't got the strength

to find someone else for me

what am i supposed to say

when i mean to say i'm sad

that things between both of us

just seems to me as bad

what am i supposed to say

when i mean to say i regret

that i took things for granted

and end up losing what i had

what am i supposed to say

when i mean to say forgive me

for nothing's gonna change

it's still you i wish to see

what am i supposed to say

when i mean to say so much

but can only manage so little

shoot...i've been bitten by the emo bug again...i guess i just miss it all....i miss the times...i miss the feelings...i miss him.

and i know that right now it's as good as it's ever gonna get. and i don't intend to ask for more. in fact i look forward to the next person that's gonna be capable of making me weak. but it ain't happening now i guess....

and i'm fine with that...i truly am...

darn one tree hill....