sense of liberation??

merdeka eve on my part was spent at home. i'll probably sound really bratty by saying this but

I can't believe i had no plans for Merdeka eve!

i was moping around like a depressed sad-case teen wondering who in the world can i call out for yum cha or just to count down with. and Keith was going all "jie, why u got no plans wan? first time Karen Siah got no plans". and my mum sort of took pity on me but she had no idea she made it worse by asking "Shirlyn leh? Julie leh? oh yea...pak toh...nvmlaaa"

grrr....

so i came online....checked my mail for the umpteenth time yesterday. in came Yuh Huey's mail. now people with an already low self esteem, or at least feeling low or the least bit insecure, should not, under any circumstances, read Yuh Huey's mail. it'll just make u feel lower than low. if nobody's life is perfect, then she is nobody! make that Nobody (with a capital N) who is very much a somebody pretty much everywhere she goes! the girl has the ideal life anyone could possibly dream of! it's like everything just falls in nicely for her, piece by piece, brick by brick, thread by thread!

now i sound like the Green Witch of Jealousy. The little voice at the back of my head is screaming "Be contented with what you have!" but...it's hard! it really is....

to top it off...i have 2 assignments due, one this Friday and the other next Tuesday. Both of which i've not even read the question through. with or without the mood, i shall start on them today. afterall, it's not like i had anything to do on Merdeka Day.

oh...Happy Merdeka Day!!

photos~!

it's been sometime since i last posted up some pics. these are taken in Luna Bar. enjoy!!

hooi lian, moi, beat, joe

birthday girl + significant other

now how often do u get to see this?? ahahha

all photos compliments of Kenneth....

camwhoring moments aside, today Isaiah was back at the lake! was doing my usual pre-round of walking when i heard the unmistakable voice. haha..seriously, where do u get the strength to talk and jog simultaneously??. He joined caught up with me when i started my rounds, and as u guessed it, carried on talking. haha but surprisingly though, i managed to improve from an average of 6:30 a round to 6:19 a round! way to go me! i should pace with people like Isaiah more. although i know i'd probably be disrupting their regime by slowing them down. but i guess i could always be their cool-down kaki...hehe....i need the push man...no point running at the same speed all the timee....

that's the difference between u and me

i say a word out loud
while sentences you're making
i swallow a whole mouthful
while you're at your second helping

i take a step forward
while u've already taken 3
i go one extra mile
while u've been there repeatedly

i play and win a game
while u finish your winning streak
i find a new adventure
while journeys you have seeked

i try to hold up strong
but even that i lose to you
i try to move on
but you've beat me in that too

you're strong and tough for real
while i'm weak inside actually
that's the difference between you and me...

extreme feelings

this is the 3rd time i'm coming into the create new post page tonight. reason being, i don't know how to express myself. i have lots to say, but they're all jumbled up in one big ball of yarn that i decide not to blog after starting and restarting my blog entry. but i guess not blogging would result in me tossing and turning in bed tonight.

so before i begin, be forewarned that it's gonna be messy and unorganized.

today somehow had me feeling both of the extremes - the uncanny sense of sadness as i see the plight of someone else, and the utter bliss of going to a new place and finding it so beautiful.

today i realised that for all the times i have whined or complained or just simply frowned at something that did not turn out just as well as i had expected...i truly deserved to be reprimanded for my lack of gratitude towards what i already have. and for all the times i had thought that i was strong or tough or brave, i was truly a coward compared to her.

and it just seemed so wrong for me to feel such sympathy at one minute, and at the next, i was getting all dressed up and heading off to Luna Bar, a place known for it's class and luxury. it didn't feel right. but sinfully, i was truly amazed and overwhelmed by the beauty of the place. i was just sitting there, not caring one bit if i was gaping like a gold fish, just taking in the ambience of that place...thinking to myself "this is what it feels like to be posh and classy".

and just just now i once again felt the pang of loneliness as i watch from the corner of my eye, my dear friend who have found someone who loves her for who she is. and new discoveries of some others who have also got hitched...and then coming home just to find a dear friend, down and gloomy as the day he leaves draws closer, daunting her.

i feel obligated to cheer her up, to ensure she's alright. i feel helpless that there's nothing i can do to make things seem better. i feel for her but i'm unable to help.

part of me weighs a tonne, bearing the burden of all the sadness in me. but another part of me feels feather light. and hanging out with Lyn today contributes to the latter.

it's sunday now.
i have exactly 5 days to complete a 1500 word report on macro and microenvironments of manufacturing company.
i have exactly a week before i run my next 10 k.
i have exactly 2 weeks before i do my first half marathon.
i have exactly 4 weeks to train for AXN challenge.

once again...a mixture of excitement + thrill and regret + dread....

vanity

say it! tell me i'm bein vain!! hahaha

the idea hit me this afternoon to paste my big fat face on my blog's background...praises and critics are welcomed with arms wide opened. :)

i think today marks the funnest day in metro. Merdeka Day was celebrated today at college level. i performed the traditional chinese fan dance that i told u guys about and it turned out fantastically well. apart from the fact that i was ever conscious about my short cheongsam riding up my thighs when i lift my hands up, and that my heels were shivering from the stillettos i was wearing. hehe...but i had fun...mainly because aside from just Shakti i was able to spot more friends in the crowd. yup, my network of friends in metro has widenned! hahaha and we snapped pictures here and there...i'll post them up once they mail them to me. my camera's still under repair.

5 usaha '03 had our dinner get together again. Kenny came this time! haha how many donkey years have passed since i last saw him! we had dinner at Ton Chan in The Curve. No, it's not Chinese. it's Japanese. after that we adjourned to Murni's where we met like Beatrice, Hooi Lian and gang. And halfway thru Lyn showed up with Jin Aun. hehe everyone mamaks in Murni's!

Navin and Kenny were treated to Russel Peters after that at my house!

so yeaa...that made up my Friday....hehe....:)

where did ashwin go?

i just realised that ashwin has not messaged me in a long long time. it's either there's something wrong with his pc/connection or he really is studying. so ashwin if ure reading this, "where are you??"

hehe...just last night i was ever determined to post a long-winded emo post on why i'm still single and that there should be more nathan and lucas scotts in this world, and how it's so unjust that everyone's got someone except me. yup...i was in that mood. the kind of mood that harps on sadness and loneliness and makes me refuse to sleep eventhough my eyes were tearing from sleepiness and my head was throbbing from fatigue, just so i can let the silent lonely night engulf me and let me wallow in self pity.

but then someone started talking to me. i'm not exactly thrilled by this incident actually, but if it was any consolation (which i regard it to be) it broke my train of thoughts and pulled me back to reality. the guy had asked me out (and sincerely too, he was quick to add) on a date (he specified it crystal clear). and it was pretty intriguing in the beginning, that someone like me could be of interest to someone like him. but then he started getting a bit corny and fake and sugary sweet that it was just plain hilarious. yea...i was actually laughing at his deep, meaningful words and his utter sense of romance. it's so funny. the more he talked the more i'm convinced the guy's desperate and that he thinks just because i'm no where along the lines of his experience in the matter, that i'd be an easy catch. sad to say, i'm not the least bit attracted. i have always been sweet-talk-shy and the guy was hypothetically a candy vendor.

sigh...what if i start laughing at every guy who tries to pick me up? haha...

i watched charlie and the chocolate factory about an hour ago. Roald Dahl has a bizarre mind and my hat's off to Johnny Depp. The movie had rather good effects and the storyline is so very...children's-story-like. Fun, senseless movie. Go watch it. You'll be amused and amazed!

my 3 little couzzies are in my house to spend the night. i enjoy their company. they keep me young! haha....