Thursday, June 30, 2005

being vain

my hair currently gives out an eye-opening aroma which is a unique combination of very concentrated ammonia, mixed with the arousing smell of sweat, seasoned with the smell of really dusty and old carpets, and topped with the odour of a mamak stall.

ahha...why the detailed description? i just straightenned my hair. yea so u see i'm not supposed to wash it for 3 days. and today i went climbing at Bukit Gasing (hence the sweaty stench) and i was coaching the Assuntarian little gymnasts (hence the dusty old carpet) hehe...i was supposed to wait till at least it goes below my shoulder, but i couldn't stand it. me hair was already a tie-able length...and thus it was getting out of hand. and the beautiful Malaysian weather doesn't contribute much. so i got it done yesterday. and without a doubt, i LOVE it. haha i always loved straight hair no matter what you all say. :)

ok enough about my vanity. my first coaching experience was quite amusing. firstly my...ahem..."students" were about 7-9 years old. they were adorable. next, they weren't really good at what they were doing, which made me more comfortable, considering i'm neither a qualified coach nor am i some gymnastics star. mrs khaw prepared me pretty well with the list of elements and things to do with little gymnasts. so i had fun teaching them to do things like cat jumps with the rope, polka steps with the ball, throws, arches and stuff. the girls kept asking me if i was coming back next week. and i said no. then they asked "are you coming back next next week? and i said "no" and then they asked "how about next next next week?" and then i started laughing and said "i'm not coming back anymore". haiyo...i actually felt sad to see them look so disappointed.

then it was time to end the class. the little girls stood in one row, they did that gymnast curtsy thing as they crooned "thank you, miss karen". and i went "thank you girls" and all of a sudden, the girls rushed at me and hugged me till i lost my balance! ahahah...i was overwhelmed! sigh...i so wanna be a coach now...:)

next on my agenda today was Bukit Gasing with Keeran and Beatrice. It was cool! Keeran brought us to some new route, and we ended up high up on some hill where we can view to whole of KL! i kept on wondering how cool it would've looked if it was at night. and then i started to ponder about who i'd bring up there to view that sight with me. haha...

*ponders for a while*

dance class was undoubtly fun as usual. the new dance we learnt was sooo cool! so much so i totally forgot to inform them that i won't be there for 2 weeks! oops...and the fact that i have to renew my fees, and get RM10 back from Hui Chia. haha i don't even have hui chia's number. how how?? haha...and i think next next week's evaluation..dratss...

supper with soon seng and jackie was interesting. haha...a funny mix, me, soon seng and jackie. but it was nice to talk to the people i could always rely upon back in the days of school.

alright...i'm done for tonight...tomorrow would be another long long day. i better finish packing tomorrow. haha...g'nitez!

Monday, June 27, 2005

stuff

i thought maybe if i laid off blogging for a few days i'd have more interesting stuff to blog about. but i've got nothing much to say. heck, will just blog it all out anyway...bits n pieces from here n there...

SJ10K was pretty fun. however my head was throbbing througout the 10 km. i have no idea why. the headache came on saturday, stayed through till sunday. it was so painful i couldn't sleep. and so painful i couldn't run well the next morning. my 55 minute target wasn't accomplished, thanks to that. did 58:26. oh well...not too bad also la. :) I beat chihui! yay...quite happy la. but she did well too. for the fact she didn't train and all. i got 30th place, which is pretty much the last position to get a prize and a finisher medal. my prize was some mini mini hamper of uncle toby's and Loacker. :) Chihui's dad got 13th! He's so chun!

i have to start packing for Melbourne. I don't know where to start! i dug out my aunty's long johns yesterday. and i found my winter clothes. now all i gotta do is put them all into one big luggage! wondering if i should bring my video cam there. would be a bit troublesome if i have to carry it with me all the while.

yesterday at dinner my mum was telling us about her high school reunion. she met up with some high school friends and one of their teachers. (i think it's so cool btw! we should meet up 30 years down the road!!). anyway, some of her friends were still bachelor girls. and she was telling my dad about it at dinner. and what my dad said kinda frightenned me a bit. he was like "all these people, they set too high standards for themselves. they all want the perfect man. I'm sorryla...they'll never find him". then my mum said that these friends are socialites, they're very active women and had always had many friends and all. then my dad said " yeala, when men are their friends they're ok la. but when men want to get close to them, they close up. they withdraw themselves". sounds pretty familiar to me.

i've always had this withdrawal sympthom whenever someone comes close to me. it's funny though. i mean, i like guys, it's not that i don't. i have had crushes n all. just that they're always on the guys that are not interested in me. and the guys that are? well, once they are it just ruins everything we had before. it's annoying, the way i clam up. actually, i think i know the reason of my behaviour. throughout my life, there was only once where the feeling went both ways, and i was fine by it. i was happy and ecstatic of course! however, that so-called relationship was a bad one. miscommunication can seriously destroy. and ever since then, i've been this way. i've been over-precautious at myself and all. i used to say, i'm happier during the days where i'm liking the guy and the guy doesn't know i exist, than when the truth has been told and everything's out in the open. i get scared.

yet, i seem to spill the truth very often. i always believe in confessing my feelings to the guy that i like. perhaps it is due to all those e-mails which preach the "have no regrets! tell your loved-ones you love them before it's too late" theme. i always told myself, at least he knows and i know what he thinks of it.

could it be that i'm afraid of commitment? i thought that's what guys are for? hehe...i don't know what it is. all i know is that whenever someone wants to be there for me as more than a friend, i freak out, and back away. it's like Runaway Bride, only it's not at the altar. it's at the point much before that. :)

well, hopefully my Richard Gere may chance by, and break thy spell. :)

Friday, June 24, 2005

good ol' shopping

went for good ol' shopping with Lyn today. haha it was nice. i didn't spend all that much. pretty happy with what i got. I can't remember the last time i was in 1 utama. i was there from 11.30 am - 5.30 pm! haha imagine that! 6 hours of shopping! haha of course there was lunch which took up an hour...:) but still...

the funny thing was our main target was the MNG sale. when we reached 1U we saw many ladies walking around with a Mango shopping bag. we were so excited to find Mango and when we saw the big SALE sign we were ecstatic! However, I think i walked around the shop for about half an hour and found nothing suitable! it's just not cheap enough! their clothes are far too plain for the price they're charging. not that the quality was of any better than that of the clothes in other stores. the fashion was totally off! the nice ones are too darn expensive. Lyn tried on some tube tops and found them to be really nice, but a tad too indecent. so we walked out of the place empty handed, and amused by the fact that every woman can find herself things to buy in MNG except us.

walking by Island shop some time later, we saw a mannequin dressed in 2 layers of tube tops and it suddenly gave Shirlyn the idea of wearing them that way. So we headed back into Mango for a second time. The crowd was double by this time. Fitting rooms had a long queue. clothes were strewn all over the place in all the wrong shelves and racks. searching for the tops she tried on were as good as searching for a needle in a haystack. so, after 15 minutes of ransacking through piles and piles of clothes, we walked out of the grand MNG sale once more, empty handed. haha...

we bumped into Khai Yong! He was with his girlfriend. i haven't seen him since the days i'd follow puvesh's class out for lunch during SAM. i totally forgot he knew Eng Han. He didn't know Eng Han was back, so i told him to call Eng Han up. haha...

to sum up my shopping escapade today, i added a pair of khaki draw string pants from FOS to my wardrobe, a pair of funky earrings to my accessories, a Maybeline lipliner, and thankfully, not a very large dent to my wallet. :)

on some other random things, Yong Chihui is running in my category for SJ10K! nooooo! Chihui is the runner of smksj. she was only the idol of my eye when it came to sports. i never forgot the day i witnessed her 4x400m event! she was the 4th runner, her teammates were kinda slacking behind. She took a 4th place to a first place! And it's the fact that she did it with such ease that impressed me. she was good! she climbed Mt Kinabalu at age 12. and that was the first of many other trips she has made to Kinabalu. Her dad's running with my dad. so it's the Siahs against the Yongs this year! May the best runner win!

oh! and Mrs Khaw called me up today. she has something for me to do. she wants me to coach little gymnasts in Assunta for a day! haha that is so cool~! i'm nervous though. how do i coach gymnasts? i'm totally unqualified! and Mrs Rama (the original coach) called me up and told me Sarina Sunderarajah was coaching there too! I am like uber amaetur next to Sarina. How am i gonna coach them without looking like a complete fool even to a bunch of little gymnasts? thank God it's only for a day~! Mrs Khaw better prepare me. I need to go to Villa tmr to get guidance. :)

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Cool Town Junior High

Keryl Leane? Jennifer Tiller? Ring any bells?

haha...i think only those who were in my circle of friends in the year 2002 would know what i'm talking about. heck, i think even they themselves won't recall it. i myself didn't.

on my mission to search for my missing Leo badges (which i still can't seem to find) i stumbled across some pretty interesting stuff. I found lots of gizmos which i was too stubborn to part with, some greeting cards which really touched me, and loads of nonsense which i just failed to discard probably because keeping them would be an easier option. haha...well, among my burried treasures i stumbled across this book. I think Ven Nee gave it to me. i vaguely remember the image of it. But my mind never registered the memory of whatever contents it seemed to hold. how could i have totally forgotten about it?

it was my self authored novel! Well, it was intended to be at least. The first page really caught my eye. It was a list of all the "cast" that were in the story, Cool Town Junior High. They were none other than my friends! The silliest part of it was we all had funky american names!! hahah...it's soooo funny....the story was even worse! i had super bad creativity. my sentences vary as much as the lines of a nursery rhyme, my grammar was so-so, my vocabulary was that of a...well, a 16 year old! it's just so hilarious, i wanna laugh out loud at every dumb sentence i wrote back then. which was pretty much every sentence i had in there till chapter 3. i stopped after that. wonder what happened...

anyway, see if you can geuss who's who:
Keryl Leane
Jennifer Tiller
Rachel Joan
Mark De Jeniro
Ethan Spencer
Zoey Leane
Christine Louise
Brian Stampson
Damon Carsillas
Melanie Anders
David Prinze
Mary Hart
Reena Belles
Chloe Wilson
Jean Black
Natsumi Takizawa
Vincent Morris
Kobe Danny
Sean Maxmillon
Justin Jeremy
Lex Nathan

interesting names huh? It's very much based on Sweet Valley i think. Keryl Leane and Zoey Leane are obviously the sisters. Natsumi Takizawa is probably some japanese exchange student. ahhaha...oh and Keryl has a huge crush on Damon, and Melanie on Brian. Mary and David are a couple. i wonder if i ever let anyone read this. some parts of it may be taken to be offensive i think. haha...i don't know....but it's open to everyone right now. just keep an open mind...i was 16! haha

i didn't write long enough to mention every name. so some of the characters i'm still uncertain of their actual role. i wonder what plans i had installed for them at that time. haha....

anyway...i still can't find my badges. I took them off my blazer simply because i loaned my blazer to Cinvin. Where the hell did i put those badges? i vaguely remember Dickson passing them to me in Taylor's. Meaning to say i must've passed them to Cinvin still pinned onto my blazer. She returned them to me in a plastic bag. where issit?? something please jolt my memory!! those badges cost me a fortune~!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

"what if you get off the next stop?"

picture this:

girl likes guy. guy hasn't a clue. guy likes someone else. girl knows she doesn't stand a chance.

sound familiar? it's so typically school-girlish. it always happened when i was in school. which is sad. why do i always think i don't stand a chance? why don't i always stand a chance? are the guys that i took interest on that highly sought after? anyway, in addition to that, there'll be friends who'd say "you never know, Karen" or "feelings can change wan...don't give up". yea right. feelings don't change from neutral to love. they go the other direction. and as far as i'm concerned, for guys it's either love at first sight...or no love at all. which alternatively means, "this girl's hot, let me try getting her". it's so childish, so immature...the whole scenario...it really is...

and yet i find myself entrapped in the vicious cycle again. at age 19. could this really be happening to me now? back then, we'd have friends to pass the message around, plan occasional "coincidental bump-intos" and drop super obvious hints to turn the table around. but now that i've reached the age where relationships and love is really been taken seriously...it's time i took a reality check. i know i don't stand a chance. then why do i go on? being bitten time and time again has only made me realise that it'll lead from one disappointment to another. expectations will be raised and hopes will be crushed. why go through it all? isn't it better to just leave it behind and carry on with life, carefree and obligation-less?

and i'm out of school. not getting mr. right doesn't mean i get to go after mr. right2. there's no longer the next best guy from the class next door to consider. there is, however, the next best guy from somewhere on Planet Earth that may cross my path, hopefully before i reach the age where i'm too old to get married. finding someone right isn't really that easy now that the scope is much wider. not to mention, my requirements are higher as well.

back in school, mr. right was someone whom i could hold long telephone conversations with, an excuse to go to tuition, an excuse to study, a "trophy" when i receive gifts or when i go out to places. now it seems, mr. right is someone i can see myself with for years to come, someone who would take me for me, someone whom i can take him for him, and basically someone i can be myself with without having to try.

honestly, i don't feel so hurt anymore when i can't get mr. right now, then when i couldn't get him then. it's more of an acceptance. could it be that i've gotten wiser? that i'm now able to set reasonable expectations? i don't know. i feel like i'm wiser...yet i'm more confused. i'm uncertain even of my feelings towards him right now. at times i feel like i can love him so much, that i'd probably be totally crushed if i let myself believe that we won't get anywhere. but at other times, i guess i just...believe it. and when i do, all that i feel would just subside. and i no longer feel compelled to be with him.

i've been questioned if i sincerely like him right now. some even used loved. i do for the fact that if things would work out, then i can see myself being loyal and giving my whole heart and everything. but i don't because i'm willing to let go if things doesn't. is that being insincere?

well, like how i answered them, it doesn't matter really. back to the real picture. Girl knows she doesn't stand a chance. so what does it matter, my level of sincerity? i'm heading no where...

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

it's a holi-holiday!

as of now...i have precisely 1 month and 10 days of obligation-free holidays! yeah baby!! i think i didn't exactly do very well during the finals. i think i could've done better. but nope...was too darn lazy to start studying. so i pretty much had about 5-10 hours of studying only for each paper on the day before the exam. haha...talk about the eleventh hour man! gawd i really need to change this attitude of mine. I just pray that i pass all those papers. i do NOT want to resit any of it. anyway, like Ashwin said, no turning back! Right now....it's a holi-holiday!!

what did i do to so-called celebrate my liberty? i spent close to 1 and a half hours on the train to KL, stayed there for barely 30 minutes, then another 1 and a half hours on a train back to Subang. then i had the much yearned for lunch with my mummy at 2 pm. then, i spent close to 4 hours sleeping my afternoon away! haha oh yea...eng han called to get me to go jogging then swimming in shah alam. I'd love to...but today's Monday! Monday's guest day in Lakeview and i promised i'd go with my dad to swim there. Monday's daddy's girl night. :) so please invite me once more, i promise the next time i'll go! ahah

my dad just exchanged AUD 800 for me. Spending money for melbourne. 800 bucks! gosh...i really really need to get an ATM card. need to repay him the RM400 bucks he gave me for the makeup. i'm starting to regret purchasing the darn makeup. it's so freaking expensive! gawd...i really really hope i get called for shoots n stuff next time.

it's the first day of my semester break and i'm lost for words. literally. i need to get a life.