* blogging a novel *

Do you think i should do this?? I've always wanted to write a short story, which, unfortunately, I've never been successful at. So short stories are out of my league, let alone a novel! But still, when I read a book (which is not very often...i just started reading only recently thanks to my wonderful bookworm bunch of classmates) I tend to pick out catchy phrases and words the writer used and I would think of times in which i can use them. Then again, the only time I'd ever use them is when I'm sitting for my English paper (which is in less than 24 hours from now) and that happens to be my final English paper. Plus, the aesthetic domain (which is the part where they have narative, desciptive et cetera in other words creative writing) is only 250 words long and I'm contained to 30 minutes tops! Where's the fun in that!? Chances are I won't be taking English anymore in my tertiary education. Or maybe i should? Yea I think if there is an elective I'll take it. Maybe do the big L altogether. Literature, that is.

Anyway, I once started a story actually. I followed the style of Franscine Pascal's Sweet Valley Junior High, where every chapter is a narative by one of the characters. And needless to say, I never resumed. No idea why. Just me I guess. My mum still thinks i have ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. And with the increasing number of times I have forgotten to do a specific chore, or send a specific message, I'm starting to believe it. I have an attention span the length of penguins' legs. hehe i just watched some discovery channel program and noticed that penguins have indeed uber short legs. I don't exactly know why and u know what? Neither of my parents want to admit that it is their trait. My parents do that pretty often. They see who i got it from when i happen to exhibit some negative behaviour such as slouchiness or laziness. =)

so, yea, going back to my topic, I think after my sam I'll actually try blog-novelling. Maybe I'll find my true passion there and forget about sport science altogether. Or should I say sains sukan. Oh btw, updates on that, I have applied for UM but missed the second intake deadline so now gonna apply for next year's first intake which is gonna be much harder. So I'm now looking into physiotherapy. So, that's it from me today. Tomorrow SAM finals start. And within 240 hours, I'm actually a free person, equivalent to jobless men! yay!

[ r e s t l e s s ]

i'm tired...

i'm bored...

i'm moody...

i'm restless...

i kinda had a small argument with my mum just now which i now feel awful about. I actually almost started crying during the argument. Almost. and now, i'm almost starting to cry again just thinking about it. see that's one thing you probably don't know about karen siah (now i gotta start putting my surname to avoid any unnecessary mix ups). I start to regret my words and actions almost immediately after doing so, and i end up feeling even worse than when I was worked up.

There was once i experienced the worst of this symptom of mine. I was arguing cats and dogs with my elder bro. Did that pretty often in my younger days. Then I said something like "If i had one wish i'd wish my brother was my sister!". I immediately regretted that motion. I went into my room and started indulging in self regret, so much so that i actually started crying. Mummy saw me in tears and thought i was saddened by my brother's loud tones and harsh words. She went on to lecture my bro about his temper and the way he treated his little sister. I think my bro was a bit cheesed off but he kept it low, because we both know no one gets into an argument with mummy and wins. I heard the whole thing from my room. I heard how my mum nagged my brother relentlessly and believe me guilt had never tasted to bitter. Literally.

Ok, I'm actually feeling my throat in knots now. I, for one, idolise my brother. I've always looked up to him, and i think i always will. And everytime i get into a fight with him, I immediately find myself enveloped in guilt. Sorry kor....

And for today, sorry ma...i guess exam stress for the better of me...

* first impression *

someone asked me today
if i was seeing anyone
and when i said no
she was clearly shocked
and later on uttered "none?"

i started off by explaining
how i couldn't find the one
but when she heard that
her eyebrows raised
even before i begun

she gave me a once over
but stopped twice at my face
or was the second
time for the hair
and gave a look i couldn't erase

"your hair is far too brittle"
and she said my skin was dry
she pointed out pimples
and white spots on my face
then shrugged and said "U'd never get a guy"

"but..." i begin to protest
"i was told looks weren't everything"
but when her jaw dropped
to an unsightly level
i had second thoughts of continuing

she raised a finger at me
and said out matter-of-factly
""if looks did not matter"??
if that's how you believe
then your love life's history!"

"the first impression is crucial
it determines who you are
it places you
on where you stand
and differentiates you by far"

"good hair shows you're prim
healthy skin shows you're proper
a flawless look
tells nothing but
how well you're looked after"

"it shows how much you care
how much you're willing to give
if you take pains
to watch your looks
then you take pains to live"

"it shows that you've got style
and your shine will never dim
with qualities like these
it also means
you'd put in the same for him"

so i started to ponder
if what she said were true
that how i look
and how i'm seen
matters as much too

i thought about it long enough
and came to one conclusion
that actions and character
will most definitely
change the first impression...

hehe dunno what to talk about. Just started typing and voila (is this how it's spelt?). I wanted it to sound like the kind of poem in Chicken Soup, where the 3rd, 4th and 5th line are said continuously. And it probably doesn't even make sense...it's purely fictional ok. I just had too much free time on my fingers...even with finals less than 48 hours away. hehe...well enjoy...=)

* s u p e r h o t f e m a l e *

somehow going thru that whole anti-karen war had boosted my self esteem a little. I think it's the fact that I now know I've got friends who will back me up in times like this. I've known it all along I guess, but seeing is believing. =) So thanks a lot u guys! Know that I'd do the same....knowing is believing too....haha...

this poem is gonna be a little high in the confidence and self esteem...but maybe sometimes a character boost is needed to remind you of who you are...c'mon...don't tell me you don't feel good with songs like survivor or i will survive or maybe even sexy naught b****y. haha...and for the guys...hey...notice how guys never sing songs which portray their ke-macho-han even with all that talk abt a man's ego? I think a new age revolution of the female species has evolved. haha...i take pride in being one of them then...i do have somewhat of a woman's ego.

i woke up today with a smirk on my face
like nothing could possibly let me down
all traces of doubt were magically erased
and a new sense of sureness i'd found

i feel my expression all lit up
giving my face a brand new glow
for today onwards i won't give up
for everything i do i'll go with the flow

i feel myself evnveloped in charm
like i could pull anything through
competitors behold, be very alarmed
coz i'm on a roll to get past you

i feel myself coated with charisma
like i can take on the world today
i'll breeze right through, near or far
consider it done, whatever you say

i feel stares all over me
as i turn heads wherever i walk
girls are turning green with envy
guys are hardly able to talk

i feel beauty slowly unravelling
as i refuse to acknowledge the meaning of fail
for ever obstacle i end up conquering
after all, i'm still a super hot female! (taken from Gwen Steffani's Whatcha waiting for)

like it? hehe...like i said...it's ok to flaunt it once in a while... =)
The song from West Side Story has a similar message...only difference is Maria's in love...=)

[ life ]

Rebecca turns 18 today...you know there's so much hoo-ha over turning 18...it's like what everyone says...you're legal to do a lot of stuff. though in my case, I haven't even gone clubbing! haha...waitla...I'll go one day with the right ppl...=)

Anyway, I gave her this already but, oh well, why not make it a public announcement!

Happy Birthday Rebecca!


hehe like my art?? =) It's called Microsoft PhotoEditor

anyway, as u can see, I made myself a new friend. And it seems as though we didn't get of on the right foot. Honestly, that little chatterbox is waaaay too limited for me what I intend to say.

1st I thought of saying, Who u callin' a b****, b****? but then I ain't gonna stoop to your level coz FYI, I don't curse. You don't even know the meaning of a b****, if ure using that word on me....

Then, I thought of saying, Shuttup! what are you, 8? then again, I consider myself pretty childish in some ways too. So I'm not gonna belittle little 8 year olds just for your sake. For one thing, they're cute.

I also had this in mind:

but that shirt's bought for the fun of it. Besides, that line is old...

I actually even thought of copying and pasting the whole of Britney's My Prerogative here...Then i figured u'd either not appreciate the song dedication or not know the meaning of the song title...oh wait...ure english is freakin' good i forgot...

I guess being, poetically me, this would be the best thing to do thing i want to do...

i guess life is pretty unpredictable
you just don't know when you'd offend someone
and when things become uncomfortable
you'd just wish it hadn't begun

i don't know when and what i did to you
and i admit that you've hurt and offended me
for whatever i did i had no intentions to do
but somehow with my existence u do not agree

for whatever's worth, i'd like to say sorry
that the fact that my birth could be a nuisance
but my parents made me who i am to be
and i'm no doubt proud of my existence

so maybe it's wrong to be who i am
maybe it's a crime to live my life
maybe if i sat for the perfect living exam
i would hardly come out alive

because in your eyes i have failed
in your eyes i shouldn't have been born
in your eyes, i'd try to no avail
and i'd be living a life that's forlorn

but even if that is the saddest truth
even if i am such a lame*** failure
i've got a billion friends in my youth
who would think quite oppositely i'm sure

malaysia is a free country
and there's no rule saying i'd have to be like you
so let me be whoever i choose to be
because in your case, i'm doing that too...

after reading this, u probably think i'm even lamer. But newsflash, i don't care. Listen, I don't want you to like me anymore than i like you ok. I just hope that you would accept ppl. Like it or not, the real world ain't gonna consist of your worshippers only. So, it's been fun playing guessing with ya, but I've got to study for my exams right now. And since my friend has revealed who you are, say hi to me the next time i see u ok? Don't be shy. I'm very friendly. Honest. =)

oh and btw, student council really did a good job for BOTB. My compliments to you all...

[ G 5 c l a s s o f ' 0 4 ]

January 5th, I stepped into what was supposedly the education of my dream...of most secondary school leaver's dream for that matter...a college education. I was psyched. Air cond rooms. No school uniform. A student ID with my face on it. Computer labs (All broadband equipped). A cafeteria with a pool table in it (never played there though). English conducted lectures. It was cool. At least it seemed that way.

March 8th marked our first common test. Things were still lookin bright. Did pretty well for all subjects. English being my fav, Chemistry being the other extreme, and Bio being a shocker. It was actually...easy. =) Formed my Leo Club, first GM on 4th March at DR2. Overwhelming response kept me smiling for a week!

March 29th, Chem draft was due. Never in my entire life have I written so much on Chemistry. It was madness. Realised ever since that all the cool coll life was about to change.

April 12th, I found out I've got butter fingers as I broke 3 things during Chem practical. Not on the same day but in 3 consecutive lessons I think. One of the glassware cost me 15 bucks! Common Test 2 started on April 19th. Completed with a less sunny mood this time. Math was hard, Physics was tough, Chemistry was impossible. ESL still fav subject, Chem still the worst.

April 30th we handed in ESL draft! I have to say I was pretty surprised at how long I could go without proper sleep! Somehow handing this in seemed like a huge relief...although I was well aware that the real deal had not been faced. Held elections for the Leo Club BOD. Was so sure I'd have a fruitful year with loads of fun!

May 24th was our mid year exams. Honestly I was kinda slacked. Had some problems staying focused at that time. Personal thing. But didn't really matter. Doubt I would've done any better with 100% focus anyway. Oh well, welcomed the 2 week break with open arms.

June 30th was basically a killer for every SAM student, arts or science. ESL research project was due. Everyone was sitting on a time bomb! Slaving over the computers in the library, working our butts off till way past midnight. Believe me when I say everyone was rushing. I guess procrastinators are a major of our society. =)

July 13th marked Common test 3. Kinda like the test I worked a little harder for to redeem myself for what I did for mid year. However, the results remianed a constant variable. Leo Installation was drawing near and I was stressed to the bone by Lion. Just couldn't get used to his ways. Turned out great in the end, if you don't look at our accounts *grins*. Lions were pleased. I was freaking out over VIVA as well. Somehow the thought of being in a room with my teacher and the casette recorder, and responding impromptu style brought out the clastrauphobia in me. But it went ok with buckets of thanks to Pn Zaidah.

August 13th was the only date posing a threat throughout the month. Bio Human Awareness essay was due. But thanks to ESL, every other project was made a lot easier. Once again, I gladly welcomed the break during the last week of August.

As September 16th drew closer, my stress level increased exponentially...nah...actually it was more of a fluctuation as I would not worry on something long enough. Nature of me I guess. Still, the thought of using these results to apply for unis was a bit worrying. I really tried to put in more effort and do better. Once again, my results weren't much of a surprise. Although, by this point, ESL was no longer my favourite. That spot got taken over by Bio. (yea BIO!). Chemistry was still dwelling in impossible. Prepared for oral as well.

October 8th was my IU nite. You gotta scroll down to read about that. During this month, no doubt the atmosphere was a little feverish. Our files were threatenning to explode with past year papers and drill exercises. But with the rising uptightness of exam fever, there was also a rising warm sense of sadness. Our last days together were numbered. It was at this moment that I truly found my classmates fun and interesting. I guess I never allowed them to impress me much. I totally regret now. All those times I harped on the subject of changes taking place in my life, changes that I did not welcome, I seemed to have overlooked the one change that I should have...the new friends that had found their way into my life.

October 22nd was spent taking photos, writing autographs, talking and just bonding with my classmates. I felt a pang of sadness whenever I was reminded of a moment that marked my G5 life. It's great that I'm finishing SAM. But I'll definitely miss this crowd. Gawd they're hilarious!!! haha...*sniff*...I'll truly miss them...


These are us. My crazy, wacky group in class. (L-R: me, bec, mandy, su yi, vanessa)


Girls n guys. Juliets and Romeos. Saints and monkeys...*grins*


My lunch mates which consists of Shirlyn's classmates.



G5 Class of 2004