I spent all of Sunday trying to tidy up my room and it is shocking to realise what a hoarder I really am. For one thing, I would like to be as much of an environmentalist as I can, so I really try to keep bits of unused paper, or notepads, or exercise books to be used in future. I also try as much as I can to be an artist, so I have managed to compile quite a collection of scrap paper, bits of wrapping paper, nice little plastic bags and gift boxes and cards so I can use them to make gifts and cards for friends. And most of all, I grow emotionally attached to a lot of my things, especially if they were given by my friends. Every gift I have ever received is truly treasured because of their effort and kind thoughts. But what I end up with is piles of things I never use at all!
So I filled a big black bag full of rubbish and there's still some more to go. The last time I had a clean up of my room was probably about a year ago because I bought a new cupboard and chucked an old broken one. I cleared up 6 drawers of things and during that time, I guess the hardest thing to do was to chuck away the ex boyfriend stuff. Those things held way too many memories, keeping them felt as if I am not letting myself move on, but throwing them away felt wrong as well. So I kept a bunch of things, well hidden from plain sight, so I don't stumble across them too frequently.
A few days ago, G came over to my place after a run together to use my shower. And it struck me that I've moved on now, I really should not be keeping certain things such as dried roses from Valentine's Day 3 years ago. So yesterday, I finally chucked them, along with some other things I learned to let go off. Memories will remain as memories, in my head. Chucking away these things doesn't mean I cut out these memories, it just means I'm making space for new memories to be made with G. :)
The surprising thing was when I went out with G yesterday night, I felt closer to him, like I could finally step over the big rock that was holding me a step back from him. I realised how much I've fallen in love with this guy. I was just too afraid to admit it for fear of shattering my heart again.
Dear Karen,
ReplyDeleteI wonder why you don't post pictures of yourself anymore..
well... the love story aside, i kinda chucked away soooooo many things that i've kept since 15yrs ago? haha
ReplyDeleteas the chinese saying goes, old dont go, new dont come :D
And that was just the beginning of a life story :> .. our life together
ReplyDelete