Annoyed.

I'm a little upset with myself. I overslept, didn't hear my alarm, and missed an RBC session. That's $$$ down the drain because I didn't hear the damn alarm. This isn't the first time this month, I overslept twice, although I made it JUST in time the past two times, today being the first time I completely miss it. And I don't know why. I've been so good throughout the year. But I know that I have no one else but myself to blame. And I also know that whining about it isn't going to make things any better, and it damn well isn't going to solve anything. So...-end rant-.

To try redeeming myself I went out for a run and started thinking. I need a more sustainable income. I love what I do, and I love the freedom of having my own flexi hours. But whenever I fall sick, or want to go on a holiday or an emergency happens, I am losing out on quite a lot of income and that is not good. I wish I have some sort of sick leave or something.

And so I think it's time I start making some big decisions. I've accumulated an okay amount of savings over the past year. I think it's time I park some of it somewhere where I can generate more money. Otherwise I'll never get rich. Time to start making some real money, Karen.

Sick again.

There is something very wrong with my immune system. I'm sick again. For the umpteenth time this year. I swear, if I actually counted, I'd scare myself. Shouldn't I be really fit and strong and healthy? Shouldn't I fall sick much less than people who do not regularly exercise? Urgh. Not fair I tell you.

And because every time I fall sick and fail to go to work, I lose out on income. I need to find other means of income or else I'm gonna lose it one day.

I was thinking about my big dream to own my own place next time. My own community health centre. And the more I thought about it, the more I think I don't have the experience, or the knowledge or the network to start building my own business yet. I think about the people I work for, they all succeed because of their many many many years in the industry. They know their stuff.

I need to get there someday. I'd better have one solid idea for my business then.

meh.

I sometimes get little sparks of ideas which make me go, "OMG I got it! It's gonna be huge!". And I really wish I have the drive to follow those ideas and make them a reality. But then the rational part of my brain takes over and I start to think (which is a dream killer). I need more drive in me.

I haven't been running on my own in ages. I don't know why. I've kinda lost the mood to run. It's just whenever I find the time to run, it would be a decision I'd have to make between run and sleep. Sleep always trumps run. I think I love to sleep more than I love to run now. Oh, shoot me please.

I cannot wait for the school holidays. I've cut my school time down to only 2 days! And I've only got 3 more weeks of it. That's only 6 days! Why, oh why, do I feel so restless?!

The Auckland Marathon was last weekend and a few of my friends did really well! I wish I was there with them. It would've been my 3rd Auckland Marathon. I wonder if I can still run marathons any more. Maybe I totally suck at them now. *eek*

I'm being completely and utterly random tonight BECAUSE...(I think) Gary's coming home tomorrow morning and I'm so excited to see him that I cannot sleep. And I'm dreading the amount of work hours I have to go through before I get to meet him tomorrow night. Meh.

Miss.

I'm so pathetic. G's been gone for 10 days now and I really miss him. And I used to survive LDRs. Well, actually I didn't survive them that well, but I still kinda did! Urgh.

I guess this is another one of those tests to see just how much this boy means to me. I was listening to that women's station again and they were talking about that moment when you find out that he's the one. And it could be as simple as he orders your favourite food for you, and you look at him and then *BAM* it's him! He's the one! You know? I don't know if everyone goes through a moment like that, but I think right now for me, many little moments add up. Moments that make me go, wow, I really really like this guy. This is one of them.

I have taken a few wrong turns while I'm driving out for work because I would subconsciously drive in the direction of his house, and then I'd snap out of it and start cursing myself.

I have also found it incredibly tough to fall asleep some nights because I didn't get to talk to him, because he calls me every night to talk to me.

I have also found myself going "Ooh G will love this!" in my head when I come across a food or song or just random things.

I got it bad, don't I?

And it's October

Can you believe it? Gosh, the time!!

I spent the entire day today lounging around. Which isn't good, because when I don't do anything it means I don't earn anything. I've just gotten myself 2 days off from teaching in the school so I can focus more on Personal Training. But while I was able to make a couple of those materialise, I still need to work on getting more clients in during the day. Housewives and Aunties where are you?

I've been so busy for so long that when I finally got a day of doing nothing (Gary's in the States, hence I've been free), I found myself indulging in old episodes of Friends and getting emotional about Ross and Rachel. And then I decided to take a nap and that nap went on for 2 hours. Well, in my defence I did get up at 5 am this morning and slept at 12 last night and had a killer weekend. So I think I was just having a little down time. Rewind. Recharge. That jazz.

I tried to write something for my fitness site but nothing came to mind! In fact for the longest time, I haven't had any idea what to write about. I remember having a clue sometime back but I didn't have the time to sit down and do the research then. Today, I wish I had jotted that idea down somewhere. Geez.

Something hit me over the weekend. I realised that I am probably at my strongest, fittest form, ever. I ran 10km in 50 minutes. I look at myself in the mirror and I have to say I'm quite happy about how I'm looking. Friends are telling me that I look extremely fit from the photos they see on Facebook. I think I should take this opportunity to do something great! You know, before I go over the hill. And so, sitting down at a mamak after cycling 33kms with some friends, sipping teh c ais, and having my roti with 2 telur, I decided, I'm gonna do an IronMan. By hook or by crook, I'm going to achieve an IronMan before I hit 30. So, there.

And while I'm at it, why not do more things? Buy a property, join a gym and do RPM again, take vocal lessons. So much I want to do!

I really need to make more money.

Can I?

Things are moving pretty quickly for me, career wise. I've been working full time just over a year and in that short period of time I've managed to get myself into many MANY things. It's quite a thrill, mainly because I have envisioned all of this for myself, but living it makes it feel all the more extravagant.

But yet I seem to doubt myself quite often. "Can I?" is something I find myself asking over and over again, even when I have made a promise to myself to always take that leap of faith because doing so has granted me so much in the past. I am a leaper. I leap. Always have been, always will be (hopefully). I sometimes think Disney has ruined me, making me a dreamer, an idealist. I live for fairytale, dreams come true, and happily ever afters. But because society in real life as I've come to know, is quite the opposite, so while I have these vivid visions of my future, I still wonder "Can I?".

On a separate note, I realised that, evident from this blog, I think about my career a LOT. If it's not this, than it's about love & marriage, but still, most of the time I think about my career and where I am heading.  I don't know if people still enjoy reading this blog, or has it become quite boring. Meh.