body issues

I may not really show it, but I think sometimes I have body issues. I wouldn't be busting my butt off every now and then if I didn't. "I love running" isn't quite motivation enough to throw my trainers on and hit the road sometimes. heh.

So yesterday when I went running at the lake, one of the regulars there said to me "Wah you put on weight ar?". Darn. I absolutely abhor that comment. It's the bane of me. Because I feel like I wear the tag Sport Science all the time and I should, at the very least, look the part. I feel people like me shouldn't gain weight, simply because we know how not to.

But I guess doctors fall sick too.

Anyway. I have been putting on weight. But not fat. Muscle. And I say this with absolute confidence.

My shoulders and arms have a heavier tone in the past month or so. Probably due to push ups and burpees. It's funny though, because I don't do heaps of them. Neither do I lift weights. I guess I'm just a typical mesomorph.

But any layman (from Malaysia) who sees me will say "Wah you put on weight ar?" because when I'm donning my sleeveless running tanks I think look like a boy with boobs and a ponytail. heh.

The final whine.

"I can't stand it. She's so whiny!" says a friend about the protagonist of Eat Pray Love, a book which I've recently picked up and started reading because I couldn't bring myself to continue to read The Girl Who Played With Fire.

I had just watched the movie Eat Pray Love, and I thought it was quite good. I really liked it. But I don't know whether it's due to the fact that I'm pining for someone myself, thus, I felt some sorta empathy for her.

So do I whine? Am I being whiny right now to the friends I confide in?

After thinking about it for a while, I think I do. Actually, I know I do. And in my efforts to not annoy my friends, I try to keep it to a minimum, hence I keep more things bottled up inside of me and put on a brave smiley front whenever I see them, until I eventually explode at the slightest trigger, say spilt juice. This has happened more than once.

It's almost 3 months since the break up, a deadline I've given myself to end my pathetic sobs and whines and forget the heartbreak altogether. I know it would be no easy task as I still think of him dearly every day, and I miss him terribly. The sight of couples on the street and in shopping malls, even watching my friends and their boyfriends, get me down. =(

I wonder if he has found someone new by now. And I wonder if I saw him and her together, I'd be able to move on quicker. I know it would crush me to the ends of never, but at least it would give me a sense of finality. Maybe if I saw that he has already invested his heart in another, I would be able to mend my broken machine and do the same for myself.

Maybe. Sigh.

And this shall be my final whine.

Flash Mob!

I've watched a million Flash Mob videos from all over the world, and I kept thinking, Malaysia will never be able to pull something like that off. Then Singapore did one. And apparently KL did one too!

When Shu Fei told me about it in December I was pretty excited! I was more than ecstatic to help her out, and she thought I was doing her a grand favour! I had so much fun I miss the stress and hours of practise! I ♥ performances!

Anyway, Mr Tan, friend of mine, helped record this video, so enjoy! =)

Sound Advice

Source: http://healthsetter.com/sound-advice/

Ruins.

“A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It’s one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

29.

A year ago, I would go into a mild anxiety state when the date of my departure drew closer than 30 days. I would rack my brains to think of places to go, food to eat and just ways to spend time with him before i fly off again. I knew that every time I flew off, I was saying goodbye to more than just physical presence. Because the silence that lay ahead was inevitable.

Now that I didn't have to worry about it, I should kind of look forward to going off, and finishing up my degree.

Except, that something else sits at the back of my mind.

The thought of returning home, and finding that he's no longer here.