ode to my love

i've never seen such eyes before
the ones you have on your face
for eyes, they tell so much more
than words could ever replace

i've never seen someone so sweet
who knows so much yet say so little
just gazing at your photograph is a treat
with your cute little mouth and nose in the middle

i've never seen something so endearing
as the smile that put on your little face
as though you know and you're enjoying
being in such great love's embrace

i've never felt such longing before
to touch you, and hold you tight
the days to come have been a bore
waiting for the time i'll have my delight

i've never loved someone so much
even before i have met you
dear Ryan, we'll soon be in touch
when my trip to Singapore finally comes true!





tell me that ain't the cutest baby in the world and i'll punch u in the face....haha...i'm a happy happy Aunt...:)

hello there...

hello you, how have you been?
for it's been so long since we spoke
i can only dare to look upon the screen
and your name is all that i have seen
since the last time the silence broke

how am i? if you'd like to know
life has been treating me well
my diligence seemed to grow
times have been good but slow
and i'm doing okay, you can tell

if you could see me, right here right now
you'd see that i'm lifting my chin up high
no longer shall i cling on to "how"
"why" and "what if", no i wouldnt allow
no need for times to cry

if you could see me, walking around
waving to friends that come by
a trace of pain could not be found
no, may gaze no longer on the ground
my smile, no longer a lie

but if you could see just a little deeper
and if you could listen just a little longer
if you could talk to me a little more
and if you could see right to the core

you could see just a little clearer
you could see that i'm trying very hard
and i've not gotten any happier
i've only become a better liar
and that everything, is just a facade

to no one in particular...just realised its been so long since i wrote a poem. and the blog is called poetically me. so thought i'd oil the rusty skills abit...:)

i amaze myself...

i started sourcing for information on saturday morning. printed out all that i could find. went to Raub. Didn't do anything but eat. The next morning i was up at 7 am. Went to the cemetery. Returned to my grandma's at about 11 am. Took my bath, and sat down to read through my findings. Outlined the points. Came home and lazed about. Went for Pacesetters. Came home, had bath and dinner. Watched some Nick toons. Came up to my room at 10 pm. Switched on the pc, chatted with friends on MSN. Started my essay at 10.30 pm. Complete it by 12 midnight. 967 words. Went down and had something to munch. Came up and printed everything out. Stapled it and taped it. 12.30 am - basking in my glory. :)

yes...like i forementioned, procrastination is a skill. Not everyone can work last minute, stress-free i might add. i know...i amaze myself...:)

***

My inaugural cheng beng experience was an eye openner. Met a lot of my dad's relatives. For some reason they all either think i'm the eldest or i'm still in high school. It proves how little my dad talks about us. Man of few words, he is. :)

Had my own private humour when it came to pulling weeds out around the grave. There were about 3-4 guys, all school leavers aged between 17-19. Their fathers of course wanted to show them off, by asking them to do all the "hard chores". So they asked for gloves from their respective mums, and got to work. I casually joined them in pulling the weeds out with my bare hands, coz seriously, the [insert word for those people who spray chemicals on grass to make them die] did such a good job that all the weeds were dead. One can easily pull them out using minimal strength. needless to say, the guys thought i was nuts. seriously...has the population of brave, strong, outdoor-sy young men depleted that badly???

***

i went for Pacesetters training today. i know. i'm so proud of meself too. of course i made sure that Coach mani was there. Ah training would be meaningless without him! hehe...him leaving was the whole reason i stopped going there. So when i heard from Mr Wan recently that he's back, i immediately went for training.

Coach Mani is a great coach. He knows every individual's capabilities. He knows just what sort of training to give us. He knows just how much we have to warm up and cool down. And he gives all these crazy forms of work outs which give me excruciating pain the next morning just pulling myself out of bed. I love it!

today he paid me a compliment! He said i slimmed down! ah...music to my ears. But really...did i really? i hear that from a lot of people. so far...4 and still counting...and the truth is i've gained weight. 2 kgs minimum! hmmm....i'd love to go "but muscles weigh 3 times heavier than fats"...but i havent really been training hard. I cant explain it....

but feeling great! all thanks to Coach!

*click*

it's amazing how setting goals and attaining them can do to one's self esteem. last night i was a shaken quivering little girl. but i went to sleep telling myself i had better get something done this morning. and sure enough, i was up and going at 9 am, in my college library resourcing for Vroom's Expectency Theory of Motivation. Though not completed, I do feel like a big slize of frozen oreo cheesecake has been put in front of me on a hot sunny afternoon....like i have been groping around in the dark and all of a sudden someone switched on the lights...*click* =)

***

i'm heading to Raub later. this may sound weird but it is my first time attending cheng beng. Yea...i decided to follow my dad this time. Else i'll never know who's who in my dad's family. seriously.

***

i'm heading to Sydney in July! i know i know...my parents spoil me. Sure they gave me the green light, but read this: I'm paying for my own expenses. Yup...flight fare and all. Now i know some of my peers have always been financially independent. and this probably means nothing to them. but i am trying to pay for a lot of things on my own now. if you knew my parents, u'd understand.

but i guess i'm lucky coz big bro would be going with me. and he's gonna take care of all my food and lodging. yes...i love my big brother very much. :)

ticking time bomb

i've been a bit jumpy lately. i don't know why myself. i don't handle stress very well, i know, but procrastination is a skill i've acquired over the years. what i mean is, i have no problems with doing last minute work. i'm usually relatively comfortable with it.

lately paints a diferent picture. on monday i've an essay due and i havent started on it. i've searched for some websites on the internet, but non quite covered what i need to answer. and the fact that they need at least one journal reference makes it all the more annoying. i hate referencing. i've looked through something like 30 journals in the library just now, and i couldnt find anthing. i've searched vastly on the internet but they only provide abstracts of a journal for free. why??? dumb money-making idiots. knowledge should be shared for free!

i toss and turn in bed at night with the due date haunting me. in the past few days i've noticed that my hands tremble slightly. my heartrate seems to be beating a tad too quick. and my mind has been rather distracted.

i desperately need to go for a nice long run but i cant seem to pluck myself out of bed in the morning. and my evenings are spent trying to catch up on sleep or searching through the internet. i really don't know how i'm going to pull through this one.

my mind is constantly bombarded by not only college work, but also by personal issues. from feeling anger and frustration, right down to feeling sad and lonely, i can't seem to go through one day without thinking about the person who made me cry tears of anger, about my friend who's just been asked to the prom, about she who's patiently waiting for him to come home, about she who gets to see him everyday, about how i'm going to pay for both the KK trip and my trip to Sydney without bothering my parents, about how the girl i'm tutoring is ever going to pass the grading if she keeps climbing over my head, about baby ryan tan yu en whom i've not met, about the upcoming duathlon which i really want to join...

time is ticking....

Happy Birthday Por Por

Quite some time back...when my mum had just taught me the art of cross-stitching...I had this craze for stitching everone something for their birthdays. But because i was very slow at it (it's my nature...i've short sttention spans, so i never stitched for long at one point) i would have to prepare myself at least a couple of months earlier than the birthdate if i were to succesfully complete something.

needless to say...i never did. i'd buy a cross-stitch pack...start it really fast...and towards the 5th or 6th day, i'd give up and ask my mum to complete it for me. and when she did, i'd be so disappointed that the gift wasnt genuinely my effort, that i'd eventually decide to buy something else. and this happened very very often...till the day i grew tired of cross-stitching.

but there was one person, whom i really wanted to give a cross-stitch work to. and that was my grandma. simply because she wouldn't appreciate t-shirts, and she couldnt eat cakes, and she loved to sew. she made me batu seremban before. she made me a beautiful sling bag resembling the ones they sold at Memory Lane. and she knitted a shawl for me too.

so i really wanted to return the favour. but i was too fickle-minded to finish one. so...sad to say...i never did.

today is my grandma's birthday. i still haven't made any cross-stitch work. and she's no longer with me. it's hard to believe...

porpor,

happy birthday. missing you ever more...

lots of love, ren...