A poem to K...

When you first messaged me
I thought "this is unbelievable"
I thought "why suddenly?"
It was just unimaginable

I have to admit i was flattered
I was downright floating
Though I didn't like being pampered
The whole thing just felt comforting

So I made plans to meet up
So we could know each other better
Have to say, i was a lil shaken up
At the thought of getting closer

And so the day came yesterday
I sincerely think you're really nice
Guess that all that you have said
Weren't exactly white lies

But I have to be very truthfull
I didn't feel any chemistry
The time spent was wonderful
But maybe you're not the one for me

I know you're nice since we met
And we have interests alike
But there's more to it than that
There's gotta be more in a guy i like

Words seem hard to come by now
Let alone sentences that rhyme
But i'm trying hard to find out how
To tell you that it won't work this time

You have faith that it would
I appreciate you thinking that
Trust me, you did all you could
Hope you don't have any regrets

I just would like you to know
It has nothing gotta do with you
Don't try to change or try to show
Coz to yourself you must be true

I believe very strongly in fate
I believe there's a one for everyone
When it comes you'll know, jus wait
But for now, i guess you're not the one

I met him yesterday...he was everything he claimed himself to be. But like i said, it's not him, it's me. I didn't feel anything. I dun think i ever will. He's not the one, i can tell. The one for me has to be someone i can just be myself with. And honestly, i was anything BUT myself when i was around him. Plus, the one for me would be someone i think off when i'm in my worst days. Not him. Now, i think i need to let him know coz he somehow has this crazy idea it's gonna work and he says "my instincts are hardly wrong". Sorry bro...it's wrong this time. =)

Along came him

Replying icq messages online
While talking on the phone
Never even crossed my mind
Of leaving either alone

I like recieving his poems
I enjoy reading his messages
He does care a lot I know
And i have not got that in ages

But ringing on the other hand
Is the phone call from another
This one shows a caring friend
Also a patient listenner

Both of them are said to have
Some level of interest in me
One of them have sincerely confessed
And the other is just rumoured to be

Actions however speak louder
In which both are showing them
Mr. Listenner is a frequent caller
While Mr. Sweet would have his poems

In this mind boggling puzzle
I choose to be a passive bystander
I shall leave it for fate to handle
Time will deal with the matter

Then, I would call myself a player
Someone who falls too easily
But now i find that it's fate that matters
And love is the fault of nobody

So i wouldn't say that i love him
I wouldn't say i love the other
Because truthfully my feelings are dim
No strong chemistry for one another

Perasan? Playgirl? Bitch? haha...i know i know...i cursed...well, jus trying to read your thoughts about me. ok...think what u like. I dunno what to think either. But I'm seriously gonna leave it to fate from now on. For once i'm gonna let things be planned out for me and i shall just follow. I'm not leading either one on. I'm simply acting neutral so i can't be called a cheat either. so, if u ask me...i'm doing the right thing...=)
Oh...and Kenneth says "hie"....haha

~ When tears threaten to fall ~

Draw in a deep breath
Will yourself to stay calm
Reassure that you will not break
Bury your face in your palms

Paste a bright smile on your face
Swallow back those drops of water
Before you enter to face everyone
You have to pull yourself together

Hide away your sadness
Seek comfort only from a few
The ones who you trust
The ones who care for you

Little things the people do
In fact i did them all
To try and make a happy picture
When tears threaten to fall

i cried today...coz i flunked my physics, coz i lost my scrunchie, coz i didn't get the UWC scholarship. May seem too little to you to bring out tears, but that scholarship meant more than just what it is. It meant that I, too, was capable of getting a scholarship. That I'm not that far away from my brother.

ups and downs

Weekend came and went
Had fun, it was a blast!
The interview was great
Even 3 hours felt so fast!

The tri was the best
Didn't expect it to be that fun
Meeting Ellaine topped it
She does practically anything under the sun!

I had such a good time
It just passed by too quickly
Thinking I could just enjoy the moment
My mood changed suddenly

Now, I blast my music aloud
Happy tunes and fast moving beats
Hoping it would cloud my mind for now
Anything happy is a treat

How could I have been so silly
I can't believed what I've just done
30 marks gone down the drain
Passed it up before i even begun

Physics is my favourtie subject
It still is and I hope it still will be
I didn't expect time to run out
Was i that slow really?

Sigh...guess it can't be good all the time
Can't be bad forever too
Life is full of ups and downs
Just gotta bear and live it through...

jam packed with fun and excitement!

I'm far too tired to write a poem tonight but I thought i'd just make a note to remeber this weekend. This weekend has been the most exciting weekend of my entire life! never have I had so much fun and excitement non-stop! will elaborate more when i'm free. right now i need precious sleep...nitez....=)

* doubt *

Maybe it's just in me
Since it comes around a lot
Maybe I'm still not ready
My thoughts are all in knots

There always seem to be
A time where i'd have doubt
I think that commitment is scary
I'm afraid of what it's all about

I'm afraid that i would change my mind
Half way through the relationship
It happened before last time
Guess i still haven't caught my grip

I have hurt others before
By turning my back half way
I said I like him so much more
But ended up shying away

Since then I always get a feeling
Everytime I try to get too close
A fear of history repeating
And i had vowed to avoid those

I had once vowed that I would not
Hurt anyone else again
But now, meeting him, i must've forgot
That I am capable of causing pain

But JUST just now i got the feeling
And almost wished it never begun
I almost felt that I was regretting
That i even thought of starting this one

That feeling creeps me out
But as i talk to him again
I have not the slightest doubt
That this would involve, for either side, any pain....

Let u in on a secret...I had liked someone in the past....told him that i liked him...just when things were going well, i suddenly felt like i didn't like him anymore. Trust me the feeling of guilt is horrible!! And it happened again! to another person. I think i'm afraid of commitment. hmmm....